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Former-Member
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Struggling to find motivation to keep going

 
46 REPLIES 46

Re: Struggling to find motivation to keep going

Hi @Former-Member,

I'm worried about you too - are you safe? I've written you an email, please respond to when you get a chance.

@Former-Member it seems that you are in two frames of minds. On one hand, you want to get better, hence thinking about going back to work. Yet on the other hand, you feel like giving up because getting better seems impossible, 

@Former-Member I think its great that you're looking for ways to get better. Going back to work might not be one of the most ideal options at this point, but there are other things that you can do to work up to that (e.g., working 1 - 2day rather than full time). Starting a new job, while studying is stressful. And perhaps, your realisation that it might not be for you right now, was you thinking about self-care?

You're not alone in being in two minds about whether you should work or not because of an illness. I've known of people to withdraw job applications because they've not felt up to working. This is completely ok. And in the long, perhaps beneficial for getting and staying well.

Briar, if you feel like things are getting too overwhelming, and that you are risk. Please don't hesitate to contact crisis support:

Lifeline: 13 11 14 or Crisis Chat

Suicide call back service: 1300 659 467 or online counselling

If in immediate danger: 000

CherryBomb

 

Re: Struggling to find motivation to keep going

Hey @Former-Member, yes, there is summat odd about others caring more about us than we do.... It's kinda lucky though. I'm glad the nurse/case manager is going to keep her sights on you at this time. I'm finally at the point of actually telling them how I feel now: yes, I've had enough too, and I've been telling my support crew. I also tell them that I'm not suicidal, nor am I in danger of self harm. I think finally telling my truth to people who are in a position to actually do *something* has been helpful. I hope you are able to be frank with your support crew.

Re: Struggling to find motivation to keep going

Hi Briar, Sorry you're going through such a hard time. Thank you for sharing on this forum because it helps me not feel so alone. I have walked the 'self-harm journey, 2 long hospital stints & the never ending mental health stigma that follows, probably exaggerated by my own self hatred then.. I am ashamed of my scars, still try to hide them & have never talked about the trauma associated with past para-suicide & hospital admissions. Though it triggers me a little, its helpful to read your experience. Hang in there, it does get better.
I can only share what has helped me when in your place: (1) Contract Yourself not to act on suicidal thoughts. (2) if you find yourself gathering the means - ring someone. (3) give yourself the acceptance you long from others (see book 'Reality Slap' by Russ Harris), that involves reaching out for help as long as you need to as if you were helping your best friend survive.When you get through this you'll be stronger & able to help others through it. We both know how alone it makes you feel. Anyway, don't know if this helps, i have my slumps but during these down times i tell myself to hang in there - live for the good days. Do you have a good hobby to get back into?one that comes natural to you? That feeds your soul? Stay safe now, you're worth it!

Re: Struggling to find motivation to keep going

 

Re: Struggling to find motivation to keep going

Hello @Former-Member

I admire your determination! A stressful full time job is challenging at the best of times – being prepared to go back into that right now shows how willing you are to work hard on your recovery.

You mention that your head is really loud at the moment. From your posts, I get the sense that you’re thinking you might be able to replace what’s going on in your head with the tasks and challenges that come with full time work.

Sometimes I think it can help to remember that the recovery journey can be long and windy and there aren’t really any short cuts. It would be great if MI could be pushed to the side and replaced with something else, but usually the reality is that it will always be there in one way or another. It’s what can be built around it that makes life fulfilling.

Perhaps there are some smaller things you could add in right now, like working part time or focusing on a hobby that you enjoy as @Former-Member suggested.

Remember, it’s often slow and steady that wins the race!

tortoise 2.gif

You mention that you don’t think it’s a good idea to be honest with your support people. I get the impression that you’re very empathic and don’t want to disappoint your support workers or cause them to worry about you. As gothmum said, you can always let them know you are safe but also tell them how you feel. That way they can do a better job of supporting you. I hope you can open up to your nurse a bit more next time you see her. It sounds like she wants to support you.

Anyway, that’s just my two cents worth Smiley Happy

Re: Struggling to find motivation to keep going

Hi @Former-Member

I was always trying to impress my therapists with my attempts at doing well and not letting the team down etc.  It took about 8 years of therapy before I could verbally admit to SI at all. Now I am more open about it.

I am glad that the nurse is looking out for you too.

I also suffer from a very loud head ... though not voices per se.

I also have taken the path of "trying to do the impossible" ...  part of it is proving "I love" or "I am worth it".  It is also doing things to push out some of my fears and despair.

I have been doing that with music.

I wish that part-time work had a better reputation.  Many people can earn enough by working part-time and it gives them space to work out life's issues.  As there are unemployment issues .. it could be better all round ... but social change is slow... I am dealing with it in one of my choirs .. shouldnt be .. but I am.

I also have often worked excessively to the state of total exhaustion (often done fulltime work and pt study or vice versa) to drive away negative thoughts and numb my pain ... but there is some pay back .. in that I have some security now .. that I never had before in my life.

Now I am older .. I am more committed to a broader basis of enjoying life (yes ..even in this discussion) it helps me put space between my SI and ME.  They are not the same thing. I am not just all problems.  I have skills and other attributes.

Focus on your good qualities and beliefs see if a path can emerge .. that is viable.

The fact that people feel so badly about life that they wish to end it .. is an issue for others .. as so much of the good in life is social .. and so a responsibility for quality of life rests on us all .. not as a guilt trip ... but an opening ... to try .. random acts of kindness and all that.

I also wonder if there is anything going on among all the 'loudness' that could be salvaged as a good .. skills and talents are not only useful in the "workforce" there may be other outlets.

Take care @Former-Member

 

 

Re: Struggling to find motivation to keep going

 

Re: Struggling to find motivation to keep going

Isnt that terrible when we finally are able to make sense enough to talk .. it is not availabe.

I tend not to knock back work if I get it.  You might find the change of organisation refreshing.

Do you need to do the study .. is it related to your work ?

Re: Struggling to find motivation to keep going

Hi @Former-Member I can kind of relate to you on the job front. Even though the world around me is falling apart, I think if I can keep working everything will have to sort it self out. Doing a hard work task will distract me and keep my mind in a better frame of thinking. I also like to do my work to my best of my ability and don't want to have days off or seem unreliable because I don't want a bad reputation and I want to be seen as a string worker and someone that has it together. I also did the job hunting and when I got called into interviews it was like a ton of bricks started pushing me down and I was freaking out how can I do this.

I don't have the answers or advice on how to get through that paticular issue except just take time to breath. Make decision when your thinking a bit clearer. And also know your not the only one who's going through that. I sometimes feel better when I know someone has gone through the same thing as me and know I'm not the only one and can realte to them.

I wish you all the best

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