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Something’s not right

destructive
Senior Contributor

Somethings wrong

Hi. I'm sorry for posting. Apparently I've been here many years ago because I had a log in I didn't know I had. Obviously I've been struggling for some time. I read some of my old posts and things have changed a little. I have a new therapist who I've been seeing for maybe 18months I think.. a while anyway and recently she said she thinks I have DID. I don't think so. I hear voices and I dissociate- like space out or freeze when overwhelmed. I don't have any trauma. Anyway the point is more I was trying to

sort out this confusion and listening to a podcast today whole driving and she was talking about attachment and being terrified of any kind of relationships but also desperately needing them but not knowing how to be comfortable in one so ruining it before it has a chance. Even therapy. Or like over analysing things people do as some test or rejection. Anyway it really overwhelmed me because it was so relatable and then I felt so horrible I just wanted to drive into the bush and not come out. My psych is now on leave for 2 weeks so I don't know what to do. I feel out of it and I know this might sound real odd but for some

reason I've been seeing this chair from my brothers childhood room in my head and feeling sick and I can't stop thinking of it. I can't get hepp

from any family or friends just usually my psych and they're on leave now so

what do I do.

44 REPLIES 44

Re: Somethings wrong

Hello @destructive 

I am the forum moderator this evening and I am very concerned about how you might be going at the moment. It sounds like you may not be in a safe place.  Are you thinking of hurting yourself when you write about going into the bush and not returning?

 

The forums cannot provide you with crisis support so if you are experiencing urges to harm yourself and feel you may act on them, please contact the following services:

I will also send you an email to check in with you and offer your support.

Look after yourself,

Whitehawk

Re: Somethings wrong

Just thoughts. I won’t. Not at the moment. I didn’t because I have a little boy. But it’s hard. That’s why I’m here. Thanks for the number. I've anxiety about talking so phone ones are hard for

me. Ive used lifeline chat but didn't find it helpful they just made me say I would t hurt myself 

Re: Somethings wrong

Hi again @destructive 

 

I am glad you are safe for now and am sorry that you found Lifeline unhelpful.

 

Another option is the SANE Help Centre where you can get counselling from a MH professional by phone or chat. It is open from 10am to 10pm Monday to Friday AEST phone 1800 18 7263 or 

https://www.sane.org/services/help-centre/content/2

 

cheers

Whitehawk

 

Re: Somethings wrong

@destructive  Welcome back.

 

All I can honestly add, is if you can keep connected here until your psych returns. I know it’s not ideal, but it’s connection.

 

Letting you know you are not alone at the moment. Please take care. 💞💞

Re: Somethings wrong

Hi. Thanks

its going to be a long few weeks 😢

not that it would make much difference if they were back anyway because I'm bad at therapy

Re: Somethings wrong

@destructive  Sometimes it’s finding a good fit in therapy that can make a difference.

 

I’m not good at talking about myself, coming from an invisible childhood. So finding my voice, which comes and goes, is/has been extremely difficult.

 

Just a forum tip. The @ symbol brings a dropdown, that’s tags the person/people, you are talking to.

 

Have a look around the forums and join in. Sometimes light threads like Re: Good Morning!  is a way of chatting to others here. Ever little bit helps, and they are a friendly bunch.

 

Do you have hobbies or interests? 

Re: Somethings wrong

@Maggie  Like this? Thanks

 

Hobbies, not really. I use to but I have a baby so my hobby is kind of just trying to keep him alive and happy. He's my world which is kind of part why this DID talk is getting to me. I worry about messing him up and if I had DID that means I'm not always me I guess and I don't want anyone else looking after him. Terrifies me. I don't know why she's saying that.

 

The talking issue isn't about fit. I've seen a bunch of different people and I always have massive trouble talking and sometimes dissociate/freeze if it gets to hard. This one is the most I've ever talked though and I think she's good because she's actually wanting to see me more (I just can't afford it) where the others all quit because it was too frustrating that I froze and couldn't talk. They think I do it on purpose. Why the hell would I waste my time or money or energy. In not convinced she won't quit eventually too though.

 

Thsnks for responding and the pointers

Re: Somethings wrong

Yes @destructive  👍👍👍

 

Oh, I do understand. A baby is full time plus plus. 

 

I do freeze very very well also , so I get how hard it is. I have DID, but ran a mile at first. It takes time, to adjust to any ‘ lable’.

Yes, why would you, or anyone do it on purpose. But it sounds like you don’t have an ‘ official ‘ diagnosis, so maybe shelve it till you so.

 

I had a lot quit on my, and pretty much gave up. But someone made an appointment for me with a counsellor. I kept the appointment only out of obligation, as I expected another walkout. She still walks with me, 15 years later. They are out there, few and far between, but they are there. You may already have found one.

Anyway. Take care.

 

 

 

Re: Somethings wrong

Wow, I commented in the right place then. You have kids too @Maggie ?
Yes, I need to shelve it for now because it’s too much to think of but struggling to know how :S therapist had suggested imagining putting things in a box and shutting it when I leave her office but not sure I know how to do that. And even if I could the voices certainly don’t get that memo. It’s a hard time. It can be very distressing. If only people knew it can be like having a bully right behind you 24/7. People haven’t coped for far less.

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