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Former-Member
Not applicable

Should you try to avoid suicidal thoughts?

Someone I know explicitly said that suicidal thoughts are very different from standard intrusive thoughts.

 

With suicidal thoughts, the idea isn't to try to stop them or distract yourself to think about something else, because they're more urgent than that. The key to "stopping" suicidal thoughts is to talk about them.

 

Thoughts? 😉.

 

Really, though, have you heard that idea before, and can you clarify it better than I can? Sorry for not going into detail, it is REALLY [...] late, I need to go to bed. I'll write in again tomorrow.

14 REPLIES 14

Re: Should you try to avoid suicidal thoughts?

Hey @Former-Member "the key to 'stopping' suicidal thoughts is to talk about them" - so accurate in so many ways. Often we have such thoughts when we feel most alone therefore talking to someone about them and having that support can both bring our thoughts in the fore as well as letting someone else know just how much we are struggling. Sharing those thoughts, sharing how we are feeling and sharing just how much we are struggling lets others in so we can get support. It doesn't always stop those thoughts but having support with what we are going through is impertive. 

 

For me, distraction has never been the answer to easing those thoughts - it has been talking about them with those I trust, unlocking why I have those thoughts and putting in place safeguards to help get through when those thoughts have been the most intense.

 

tI becomes very unhealthy (and critical) when we try to shove those thoughts aside as we then are not getting to the bottom of why we are having them and what we need to do to move past having those thoughts. 

Re: Should you try to avoid suicidal thoughts?

@Former-Member 

I agree it is a good idea to talk about them, but a lot depends on who the person has around that is supportive and trustworthy.  When there are few of that calibre, then it can get more complicated.  I had to start saying it aloud in a place my son could not hear so that I got some relief from the pressure of SI.

Re: Should you try to avoid suicidal thoughts?

@Former-Member @Appleblossom @Zoe7  I am in the grip of suicide thoughts for over a week now and find talking helps but it is so hard to find the appropriate person to talk to.  It is not something I would bring up with my immediate family so that only leaves pdoc, mental health nurse  and even then I cannot be totally truthful.  My life is full of hidden truths and shadows because I cannot express the truth to anyone.

Re: Should you try to avoid suicidal thoughts?

@greenpea It is harder when those we can talk to are also those we do not want to for fear of what they will do with that and how they will react. We also do not want to burden family with those thoughts nor do we want to disclose the truth about how we are really doing. What is important for you though little pea is you talk to someone - even if it is only half the truth, it is better than nothing at all. There is also a difference between having those thoughts and the ability and/or need to act on them - if that is the case please reach out for whatever support you have. There were years when I had those thoughts myself everyday - how I wanted to not be here and felt so much that it was all too much - and you my gorgeous little pea were one of those people here that held me up and helped me hang on - so I am now holding your hand @greenpea Heart

 

@Appleblossom The same goes for you Hon - I have 2 hands and happy to extend one to each of you Heart

Re: Should you try to avoid suicidal thoughts?

 

Thank you so much @Zoe7  You modelled for me ways of getting better help.

Heart

 

Tbh @greenpea  @Former-Member 

Even finding the right people in the field to talk to is not easy.  We just need to perservere I guess.

 

Some Issues re expresing  SI:

 

1) Sometimes those around are vulnerable like children or involved carers, and we want to protect them.  Seems those with private health can manage those things better .... I never had that luxury, even though there was private health in my marriage, cos it was not really for my health, but for ex husband, not even the kids ....  more about him proving his own stuff cos of his thing with his dad???  My job was to cook and clean and love unconditionally, without ever getting enough sleep or being allowed to say "no" Please do not so that.  Then when SI came out to husband in a "weak" moment, after repressing it successfully for 5 years or so, to get through infancy of 2 children, he accused me of being irresponsible.  

 

2)  Sometimes the wkr over reacts and out come the police which is really not the right approach for getting to the depth of that quality/kind of personal thought.    I have read many posts by people concerned about that "consequence".  It is like a loaded gun going off instead of a trusted relationship built up by a listening confidant.  Total waste of tax payers money.  They need to improve the Community Mental Health Centres. It would be a lot cheaper and more effective.

 

3) Sometimes the worker is not really a good match, or adequately trained.  There needs to be more than simply Suicide First Aid.  Same as in other health scenarios the underlying issues need to be worked through. 

 

Please Take Care @Former-Member @greenpea Somehow I got through a terrible period of recent SI, by actually doing some paid work. I am feeling a lot better this week, and the intrusiveness of SI has stopped. If my current Support Wkr can continue to stand seeing me every week, I may be able to "address my trauma" and move on, which would be really lovely.

 

Re: Should you try to avoid suicidal thoughts?

Couldn't agree with you more on all points @Appleblossom The undortunate state of our health system nation wide is that there is still so much needed for prevention rather than dealing with the consequences afterwards for all MH and SI being part of that. If widespread and appropriate treatment options were available then there would undoubtedly be far less SI and those feeling that is the last resort. I find it very frustrating that governments Aus-wide profess to care and want to highlight the struggles with MH yet we have people here daily getting knocked back for help on various levels because they 'do not fit their criteria' orthere just aren't services available when needed (or at all). Fortunately we have here to connect, share and support each other and whilst this is not a place for those in crisis it is often the first place many turn to ...simply because WE are here, we are listening and we do support each other. 'The powers can be' can spout all the rhetoric they like but the plain truth is there is not and will not be enough support for many until all that need to access that support have both the means and ways to do so ...and that begins by working from the ground up - listening to people like us here that go through this everyday, educating people on what it is like to live with a MI and putting money into providing those services rather than pouring money into researching those things we all here in this community (and as people living with MI everywhere) already know - there is still too much stigma, still not enough health professionals with the knowledge, capabilities, time or resources to adequately cover all those needing help and support.

Re: Should you try to avoid suicidal thoughts?

@Appleblossom  Thank you Apple your words really are helping. You are such a kind and caring person. I really love our friendship. Means the world to me.Here are some apple blossom trees for us to sit under in the sunlight. Love peaxxx

Apple Blossom Tree High Res Stock Images | Shutterstock

Re: Should you try to avoid suicidal thoughts?

Hi @Former-Member Smiley Happy

 

In my case, "having suicidal thoughts" doesn't really reflect my situation. My situation is more a "suicidal reality". It's akin to a person being in massive debt: the problem isn't that you are worried/upset about being in major financial trouble, the problem is that you are in major financial trouble. So, for someone in a position like mine, the idea of trying to "get rid of your thoughts about being in debt" doesn't really make much sense. The "thoughts" aren't the issue.

 

I'm not suggesting that that's true for everybody, I'm just saying that's my situation.

 

I've heard it throughout my life that talking about your suicidalness is helpful/worthwhile, but unfortunately, I've never found that to actually be the case. It certainly doesn't make me feel any better and it adds a whole new heap of ethical worries on to my already chock-full pallete of things to feel bad about.

 

To me, the only potential merit to discussing your suicidal situation with someone is if it opens up a route to a standard of living that it worth prolonging. So there's really no point in opening up to someone who doesn't have both the resources and the inclination to help you get to the life you need. Sadly, in my case, nobody fits that bill.

Re: Should you try to avoid suicidal thoughts?

@chibam 

Your last para has a lot of wisdom.

To me, the only potential merit to discussing your suicidal situation with someone is if it opens up a route to a standard of living that it worth prolonging. So there's really no point in opening up to someone who doesn't have both the resources and the inclination to help you get to the life you need. Sadly, in my case, nobody fits that bill.

 

So I would say that sometimes talking about it retriggers, and "the who" is ciritical to it being any use to ... express it out loud.

 

There were also many huge blocks for me ... including I did not want to admit it to myself.

 

Also some wkrs are a bit arrogant ... why on earth would anyone feel alright about confessing those fears ... mostly I watched on the side as my siblings struggled .... now I know from my own POV ....a little needs to be done to reduce the arrogance in the field ...

 

What happened to me this January with the services... being rejected from a PARC, was the last straw in me trusting services without putting out a few hoops for them to jump through.  I am lucky I am in a position to do that, and very aware that many are not in that position, and nor did I have any security for a very long time.  Tis why I advocate on here.

 

@Former-Member  Find someone who can trust.

Heart

 

 

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