Lived Experience Forum

[Cherpieus]

Hi all,

Today I'm going to visit the psychiatrist for the second time. I'm scared.

I've come off medication since the last visit but with difficult side effects which are still occurring - although I think are getting a bit better. I've been too worried to start the new medication prescribed because I can't cope with the possibilitiy of any more side effects. I can't take any more time off work.

No one in my family or friends know about this medication change and I'm desperate to keep it that way. They all don't understand anyway and it just makes things worse to talk about this struggle with them.

So I'm on my own and scared. I'm thinking of saying to the psych that I want to have a time off all medication. Not sure what he'll think about that given I've been on medication for over 6 years now and the last time I tried a medication free time I was suicidal.

Also, I haven't been able to do one of the things the Psych asked and I'm very ashamed about it. I consistently have 3 alcoholic drinks a night - occassionally 4 but I haven't done that whilst coming off this medication. He wanted me to cut down to 2 a night. I tried but I can't seem to do it. Some nights I can but if I'm completely honest it's 3 drinks most of the time. I feel so ashamed and bad about myself. 

I'm dreading this appointment.

Cherpieus

[Archie]

Hi Cherpius

Just reading through your post, I think you are both honest and very courageous. Despite how you are dreading the appointment you are still committed to going.  That's huge, even though you may not have achieved everything that was recommended you have certainly tried and that's what counts and that's what you can chat about.  Sometimes change happens overtime and if some things don't work or are difficult then that's where discussion can be had. You are very brave, even though you are dreading the appointment you are still going. I do hope it does help you. Let us know how it goes.

Archie

[CannonSalt]

Hi @Cherpieus - I'm glad you're here. Do you know how long you can expect the side effects to last? Congratulations on cutting down consistently to 2 or 3 drinks a night from 3 and occasionally 4. It might be taking you a little longer to get down to the 2 your psych wanted, but at least you're getting there. Your psych will know that it is not always a simple thing to cut down, particularly if this is a habit of years.

Like Archie, I'm struck by the honesty and courage in your post. I hope you can find the words when you are face to face with your psych. Maybe you could write some notes to help you cover everything you need to?

Please let us know how it goes.

[Mazarita]

Hi @Cherpieus. I wonder if the side effects from coming off meds could be aggravating your nervousness about the second psychiatrist appointment. I would suggest trying to go as gentle as possible with your emotions at this time and remember to breathe deeply and slowly every now and then to help stay calm. Try not to beat yourself up too much about the 3-4 drinks per night. Psychiatrists are there to help us, not make us feel ashamed. I wonder if you and your psychiatrist have discussed the amount of stress you are under and whether there is any way to reduce the life load your seem to be carrying. I have a first appointment with a new psychologist tomorrow. I'm nervous too and that seems natural. Hugs to you (if you want) and I hope you feel much better after the appointment with the psychiatrist.

[Appleblossom]

Hi @Cherpieus

I also get very suicidal when drop down to zero meds.  I think you are brave and honest and hope your session with psych went ok.  What is the context for your drinking ... is it with others ... at a meal ... I found giving up things gradually the hardest as mentally I become obssessed with the substance ...and it is harder to stop.

[Cherpieus]

Hi Appleblossom,

I drink in the evening. It's not a social thing. It's something I look forward too and helps me get to sleep.

It's very hard to stop something when it's one of the only things I seem to enjoy and look forward to.

But the Psych was really great. And helpful.

Cherpieus

[Cherpieus]

Thank you Mazarita. After all the comments and support on here I got through the appointment and feel quite good after it.

He didn't make me feel ashamed at all about the drinking and questioned me in a very respectvile and caring way.

I hope your appointment with the psychologist goes well. 

Hugs to you too.

[Cherpieus]

Hi there.

I'm not sure if I respond to each post individually or just altogether.

Anyway, I just want to say thank you so much for all your posts because I read through them before my appointment and even though I couldn't respond then they really did encourage and help me.

It went  pretty well and he convinced me to start on the new medication. 

He also gave me some practical things to try with mindfulness. I always like a task to do :).

Time to sleep now after my three glasses of wine.... oh dear!

Cherpieus

[Mazarita]

Hi @Cherpieus. You can reply to a bunch of messages at once, or individually - either way is fine. Great to hear your appointment went so well and that you are feeling much better and more optimistic. Hope you get a peaceful and energising sleep tonight. 🙂