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Something’s not right

Eden1919
Senior Contributor

Really struggling

I am really not coping with things at all at the moment. I am not able to manage my eating issues at all, I can't sleep, I am not keeping up with uni, I feel really horrible and agitated, i am in physical pain and I keep bursting into tears both randomly and at small things. I saw a gp today and it went horribly i started crying and he kept telling me how i wasnt trying hard enough and how doing all these things he wanted me to do was easy and i just had to do it because i need to get out of the hole i put myself in. all i could think was dont you realize how much i am trying, cant you see how exhausted i am, cant you see i am falling appart here. but he just looked at me like i was the laziest most pathetic excuse for a human and i just stopped talking and nodded until he said i could go and then when he tried to insist i do something with the recption as soon as he left i started crying again and just kept asking to pay and leave and then on the way back to the car i started crying and shaking and i had to wait before i could drive back and as soon as i parked i cried again and then kept crying for another 3 hours. i dont understand all i asked for was time to complete the 10 things he wanted me to do. he knows i am studying full time and that is is right before exams i dont get what i did wrong. to add to it i had other things i neede to see a gp about and he would listen to anything i tried to say he would just cut me off. i dont get it i am trying as hard as i can to the point it is making me physically sick. all i do is things other people want me to do so that they feel better. i dont ask for things from people i am always there when they need me but i am so tired. and i am in pain eveything HURTS. i dont even know that i want to exist in the first place. 

 

and to add to the problem i feel like i cant trust anyone so i cant talk to anyone about details because i dont trust people enough that they wont put me back in the horrible place. i just really dont know what i am supposed to do anymore i am really not coping i am all alone i have no supports and i am exhausted. i am not going to do anything unsafe but sometimes i think i will just pass out and wont wake up. 

20 REPLIES 20

Re: Really struggling

 

@Eden1919I am sorry you're struggling and not coping too well. You do have a lot on your plate. Have you thought about changing Drs? You need someone you feel comfortable with, and that who can support you. I care about you and I am worried about you. What would you like to do?

Re: Really struggling

@oceangirl  thank you for your reply i told the gp at the end that i would like to see someone else so i will have to figure that out. and yes i have 12 assignments due in the next 2 weeks and then 2 more exams plus i have an inspection of my appartment and that took me 10 hours of cleaning last time only to be told it wasnt good enough because the shower screen was not clean enough. and i have all my usual classes for one of the 2 weeks. i am just going to try and sleep tonight i dont have class tomorrow so i might get an extra hour or 2 if i am lucky. 

Re: Really struggling

@Eden1919Your welcome hon. You just need to focus on one thing at a time. I would ring your agent and ask if you can put off the inspection until you have finished all your assignments and exams. I think its good that you're putting sleep as a priority. Remember to have some down time too and get out in the fresh air. Hope you sleep well. 

Re: Really struggling

@Eden1919  Hi Eden1919 I am hoping that you have had some sleep or am sleeping now. I basically agree with everything that @oceangirl  has said and really cannot add much more to it just wanted to let you know that you are not alone and we all care about you and wish you well. Keep us posted with how you are going. Love greenpeaxxx

Re: Really struggling

Sending you love @Eden1919, it sounds like you do have a lot going on and we can't imagine how that feels for you. You must be incredibly exhausted with exams, uni assignments and everything else going on, so no wonder your visit to the GP was frustrating (especially if you feel like your doctor wasn't listening to you). We hope you got some rest last night. 

 

Along with @greenpea and @oceangirl's suggestion, are you able to see a new doctor? It's important to feel like they are listening to you and that you trust them, so this may be something to focus on once your exams are over. You aren't in this alone, and remember if you feel overwhelmed to give one of the services a call, even just to chat. 

 

Do you think that writing down what you need to focus on (so you have an actionable list) will help you in the short term?

Re: Really struggling

@oceangirl  i am living at the university accomodation they are the ones doing the inspection and they know very well that this is a terrible time but they dont care their excuse is that it should always be clean. and the apartment is not dirty i just didnt scrub every inch of the glass shower screen Smiley Mad anyway i cant get that changed i will just have to cry while cleaning again. thank you though.

 

@greenpea  thank you I hope you are ok. 

 

@Ali11 I will have to talk to them about another doctor but i am not doing that until later. i got a little bit of rest but i did wake up many times. 

Re: Really struggling

 

@Eden1919If thats the case- I would do a little bit each day. You will need to have breaks in your study, and when I was studying and needed to clean- I would clean to clear my head and plus I felt good after it was done. You will feel good too, those tears shows how strong you are.Don't stress about the cleaning, I am sure you will get it done. Btw you're not alone we are here and do care about you. Take care and check in when you can please. Thinking of you hon Heart

Re: Really struggling

Hi @Eden1919 ,

 

Im really sorry that you are struggling so much at the moment and, without going into all of my stuff, i really can empathise.

It does sound like you have a bit too much on your plate at the moment. Its probably a silly question but is there any way that you can lighten the load a bit? You need to take care of you and it doesn't sound like that is at all possible at the moment.

Do try and take care of yourself.

Re: Really struggling

@oceangirl  yes i am trying to just do thing step by step i am just not even managing that.

 

@Doglover  at this point it is not possible to reduce the work load and you are right i am not taking care of myself but that just seems to be my life, me constantly burning out so that others can feel better about themselves. i am not allowed to have me time or to take time for me those are not the cards life dealt me and thats just how it is. and if that means a shorter existance then that is what i get i suppose. 

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