Lived Experience Forum

[Historylover]

@Kyle1, I've fallen into a bit of a hole myself, but I just wanted to make sure you're doing alright, and the cake baking exercise was not just a bout of positive thinking without the follow through.

[creative_writer]

@Kyle1, I hope you enjoy baking your cake 💖. What kind of cake will you be making?

Hi @Historylover, sorry to hear that you’ve fallen in a hole 💖🫂

[Kyle1]

Thank you @Historylover 

I certainly did make cake! Cranberry and ginger ale. It's all gone already, but decided to make another tomorrow. Perhaps muffins...

I'm over the sickness. Mostly. Still a bit sniffly. But very despondent this evening. Don't like it. We have a great wood fire going, dinner in the oven, but I'm feeling like I'm still in a cold vacuum. So much for anti depressants, huh.?

It sounds like your day sunk on you, too...

Wanna talk about it some?

[Kyle1]

hi @creative_writer I made a cranberry cake. It came out like a big fruity scone.

How's your day been?

[creative_writer]

@Kyle1, ohh, cranberry sounds nice, I hope you enjoy eating it, I am sure it tastes exquisite


I've been pretty migrainey today, you gotta love mother earth for a shake in the middle of the night. I didn't sleep very well

[Historylover]

Hello to you, too, @creative_writer. Thanks for your message. I hope you're doing well today. We just have to keep rolling with the punches, I guess.

[Historylover]

TW Well, @Kyle1, the truth is I simply have nothing to live for. Nothing. There is no point in anything. I find things to keep me going only because I'm not in the right frame of mind to do otherwise. I exist, nothing more, and everyone is just waiting to achieve their objective in destroying me completely. It's hard to keep going and for what? I wrestle with suicidality daily. This simply isn't life. How do people do this to me? To others? I simply don't know what to do. I have done everything I can for everybody, at great cost to myself. I am a fool! I would be deluding myself if I thought that, maybe, someone in the real world might be willing to help me. There are no decent people in my real world.

[creative_writer]

@Historylover, been laying low today, lack of sleep is a big migraine trigger. Wearing one of those amber glasses right now, it's helping the pain a bit and hopefully help me sleep tonight.

I'm sorry to hear you've been dealing with a lot lately. Resisting daily SI can get very exhausting. You do matter to us, you make a difference in the forums. Sitting with you ❤️ ❤️

[Kyle1]

oh dear...

Unfortunately, @Historylover I know what it's like to live with the knowledge of people willfully bent on destroying you...

I know also, the reward of despair only, after giving all that you can to others...

You mean something to me.

[Jynx]

@Historylover just stopping by to offer some hugs and support. It really saddens me that you haven't got anyone in your real world life who is willing to be there for you, look out for you, and show you that you have worth. Because you absolutely do. We love having you as part of this community. I wish I could reach through this computer sometimes to just be able to be there with the wonderful people here. 

Let me know if you'd like to touch base via email, if you feel like you're struggling tonight - I'd be happy to reach out to you 💜