Lived Experience Forum

[Claired]

I am absolutely aware that sometimes its me; something builds up and all of a sudden I'm uncommunicative, distant and then I leave my present company and cry. Today was a case in point, I attended a training course which was embarrasing because 80% of the attendees were CEOs and I am just a support worker. At one point in the day I was just so dissapointed with my contribution I felt my whole world was going to collapse. I ended up crying to myself after I left. 

I hope you've got the picture about how a mental illness affects me sometimes, but I should also say that it felt like too much for my manager to be expecting me to do for the orgnanisation. I'm also interallly angry at him it. He should have known better.

It reminds me of being a teenager again, having a psychotic turn , when my mother used to ask me "What is it this time?" and "They were lovely - what's wrong?"

I could never answer those questions, and of course my mum was right; everyone was absolutely lovely but I felt like I'd been thrown in the deep end and had ended up treading water on my own.

How much of this is my reaction, and how much of it is an unfair situation for any employee to face?

Claire

[NikNik]

Hi @Claired

May I ask, why type of training was it? I might have the wrong idea, but often training sessions are an opportunity for people attending to learn - were you there as a participant or as a trainer?

I totally understand the self consciousness of contributing (or not) to meetings and training sessions. I have been both the trainer and a participant, and in both sets of shoes I've been self conscious. While I will never 100% get away from those thoughts, when I'm a participant I do try and see training as an opportunity to learn, and try not to feel like people are watching me - after all, I'm there to learn and I'm not expected to have all the answers.

I think it's a compliment that your manager sent you to something that mostly is for CEOs, though I can understand how overwhelming that may have been.

I don't know the full scenario here- but regardless, I think previous experiences definitely impact our future experiences,  associations and reactions - and we have to battle to separate our previous experiences and assumptions, from our current experiences.

Has anyone had similar experiences to Claired?

Did you find you got anything helpful out of the day in terms of what the training was about?

[Claired]

Thanks for your balanced response @NikNik. To be honest I guess my boss saw it as a complement, but he also probably saw it as a way of training me with the expectation that I could train other people in our organisation. From that point of view I did get quite a bit out of it, but it's alot to expect me to cease my usual work to offer training to others in our organisations. That's overwhelming right now.

I suppose after considering your response I know I need to separate the past from this experience. I'm hoping some cognitive work will help me do that.

I think I might be guilty of "overgeneralisation" - seeing a single negative event as a never ending pattern of defeat and "filtering" - filtering the defeat and dwelling on it as well as "catastophising"- making myslef out to be failing while seeing the other participants as achieving.

The topic of the training day was 'working with the media' and I walked out feeling like I was expected to run a successful media campaign for our organisation when all I do is provide ground level support to people with mental illness in residential care. It's way beyond the scope of my role, but I will try and change my distorted thinking.

It would be great to hear from any other contributors with similar experiences...Claire

[Rockpool]

Hi @Claired

Sorry to hear that you have been feeling overstressed lately. I feel that this is something a lot of people can identify with, myself included.

I agree with NikNik in that your manager would have sent you to the training as he would have seen the potential in you attending. It is great that you got a lot of the training. It sounds as though your manager has not expressed clearly whether he wants you to train others in the organisation or what his expectations of you are following the training. I can understand that thinking about this would be overwhelming.

Is it possible or do you feel comfortable talking with your manager to get some clarity around their thoughts of the training and any changes to your current role? I understand that doing this can also be a bit overwhelming and if you don’t feel comfortable I completely understand. It may just be a way of alleviating some of the stress by gaining some clarity and maybe even expressing that you are concerned about how the training fits within the scope of your role.

Its really great that you have been able to recognise that you have been overgeneralising, filtering and catastrophising. These are all common ways of thinking and doing some cognitive work will hopefully help you to re-evaluate these ways of thinking and teach you strategies to help you. Do you know how you would go about this? There are some great online programs that we can link you in with if you are interested.

What are other peoples thoughts? @chookmojo, @Former-Member, @kristin, have you experienced being over stressed or the thinking styles we have been discussing?

Take care @Claired, hope to 'see' you soon.

Rockpool

[chookmojo]

Hi @Claired

I agree with @Rockpool - If you are able to raise this with your manager and find out for what purpose they signed you up, and what expectations there are for this to impact your role, then you will be working with known variables instead of guessing and potentially coming up with answers that are a lot more daunting than reality (catastrophising).

Even if they do have more expectations of your role this gives you the opportunity to discuss prioritisation of your workload, impact on other aspects of you job, potential changes to your PD and salary etc which allows you to open a negotiation to find something that suits you, not just the organisation.

However you might feel comfortable to do that just yet, so here's some of the other things I do.

I am very familar with catastrophic thinking (I think I am preparing myself for the worst case scenario - but really it just leaves me unprepared for every other possible outcome including unbrideld success!)  and I have found that it is most drastic when I have unknown factors (such as 'Why did they send me on this course?') - as soon as I can fill in some of the blanks it narrows down the possible outcomes and very often rules out the previous worst case scenario. 

I find it helpful sometimes to write out a list of EVERY scenario I can think of, including ridiculous ones because frankly some of my worst case scenarios are pretty far-fetched. That gives me a little more pesepective on the DIFFERENT ways this can go, it is not ALWAYS going to be the one I am most scared of.

The other very helpful thing I do for my worst case scenario is write down what I am worried about, what resources I would need to have to feel able to handle it, and how to get those resources. (I lterally have this currently on my desktop form a recent experience myself!).

eg I recently had to learn very complex new software with the expectation that I will be the sole spport and trainer for this software inn my organisation moving forwards. I found the training REALLY hard and finished up feeling like I couldn't possibly do it.

Q What was aI worried about?

A Worried I won't have the skills I need and will therefore get sacked [hello catastrohic thinking]

Q What resources will I need to feel able to handle it?

A I need further instruction, hands on experience and much more TIME

Q How can I get what I need?

A

• Raise this concern with my manager.
• Ensure they understand that I am not ready to hit the ground running and it will tajke time for me to get familiar with the sftware.
• I won't HAVE this time with my current workload, so if they want me up to speed we need to discuss prioritsation.
• Additonally check out online tutorials and forums.
• Spend what time I can in the practice environment gettign to know my way around.
• Idenitfy particular areas of confusion - clarify WHY they are confusing, contact the trainer and ask for further help to understand these points, and how I am getting confused.

Basically the idea it to take this big overwhelmed and helpless FEELING, and turn it into a series of small and doable ACTIONS that put me back in control and knowing what to do next. This is incredibly helpful to me.

If I am in a bad way I also tend to generalise - 'Oh it is ALWAYS like this, they NEVER give me enough time'  that kind of thing.... most days it is just conversational hyperbole, but iof I am feeling a bit fragile it can be enough for me to start to really buy into it and feel hard done by, or panicked. Time to get out my trusty notebook and make some more lists (I do most of my thinking on paper and I love lists!). This time I take my Generalised statement and list as many examples where this wasn't true as I can think of. I keep adding to that list during the days as different things occur to me.

One last thing that I found amazingly helpful. I think a lot of people are familiar with the idea of listing 3 threes each night they are grateful for - well this is similar but has a twist that makes all the difference.

Each night before you go to bed write down (yes write down, not just think) 3 things that went well that day. They don't have to be big things, just three things that went well. Then, and this is the kicker. Write down how YOU contributed to them going well - however small that contribution was.

Eg Lunch was tasty: I chose it.

or

A person I supported thanked me and said I was great: I cared about their outcomes and researched helpful tools for them.

Over a period of a couple of weeks you will probably start to see some patterns, and here's the cool thing, these are the patterns of what you do that contributes to things going well.

So, for me a couple of patterns I noticed was that when things went well I had been organised, and I had asked for specific help if I needed it.  Which i how I now know that if I am stressing one of the most efective things I can do is organise my thoughts, break things down into specific steps and ask for assistance.

Hope you and others find this helpful in some way.

[Former-Member]

Hi @Claired

I feel for you! I get really worried and anxious in social situations and generally think so negatively in my head that i make things worse for myself! (not saying you do.. just what i do!). It also takes me some time to recognise what I'm doing and thinking (usually later... after the situations finished and i'm realisnig that it wasnt as bad as i thought it would be!') sigh.. one day i might learn some self control/insight that I can use in the midst of these things!

I have had to do a lot of training during my time, both as attendee/participant at training and as the trainer... 

Im always uncomfortable at training.. I put myself under so much pressure of representing myself/my place of work well that I agonise over saying anything! my brain goes in a whirl of will i sound stupid if i say that... am i being pretentious if say that? will i sound like a know it all if i suggest that... etc... I usually take breaks from people by writing notes (looking busy!), going for a coffee somewhere different during breaks if i need some no talk time etc...

I hate giving training, even amongst people that I know well.. even though i know i go ok... once i start. However in the last few years i've been giving training in the style of MOOC's.. i dont know if you've done one of those before? So i use an Ipad program called 'Show Me' (or just power point on the computer) and i create my flip charts/pictures/training diagrams etc then i record my voice over the top. I explain what activities are going to be done and even make a little video of the activities. Then I can give the training to small groups over the internet if its at another site and organise a phone hook up later on for questions usually after they've had a go at implementing whatever the topic was in their own class.

I would probably speak to your boss about allocating some set time for the preparation of the training tha tyou have to do. As its an additional responsibility. Ask them for the support that you need to do it - for instance the support might be a certain amount of time per week, regular catch ups to go over your plans for the training and what to include etc, materials etc. What ever it is that you need. If you are really uncomfortable could you work in a partnership with someone else to develop the training that they could then either help you deliver or they could deliver it?

Im not sure if this is helpful or not!

Good luck,

LJ

[Claired]

Hi @Former-Member

I love the sound of your training. I have recently read-up about a similar app called screencasting. Although I had in mind the possibilty of using screencasting to assist my clients learn some cognitive skill I get where your coming from. I suppose it could be a good learning curve for me, as I would be interested in learning hw to use such a platform. You've offered me a new perspective on the whole thing so perhaps I will start to relax about the idea. That's a crucial turning point for me; if I can relax I can re-engage with people who were upsetting me, or causing distress. Now that you frame it for me (in relationship to others at work) I can see that the people who were running the event would probably warm to me teaching others - and possibly be of some help in the future. Very useful advice, I'm eternally grateful !

Cheers, Claire

[Former-Member]

Yes, i agree, sometimes I get overwhelmed by the 'big picture' of a whole new concept or thing that i need to do.. and its not until i've sort of broken it down into some sort of manageable process or plan that I can comfortably get into it. Im also a bit of a visual learner and learn by seeing how things have been done before.. so i often google and you tube things... and once i've seen a process and tried it i can tweak it and change it to how i need. Glad what i wrote was ok, wasnt sure if i was just rambling or not LOL

Good luck!

LJ