Lived Experience Forum

[Former-Member]

I cant seem to do anything right lately everything i do ends in my partner telling me off like im a child and i get blamed for everything like not being enough money must be my fault even though apart from the stuff i brought on my birthday i havent brought myself anything in 6+months or the fridge froze the milk so i must have changed the temp even though he know that i dont know how. I dont know what to do at the moment ive had so much happen lately and im barely holding it together as is.  Ive got thoughts and voices running through my head and its getting unbearable and the voice that reminds me to think of my son gets quieter everyday i feel so close to losing and nobody seems to notice

[Maggie]

@Former-Member  That’s really hard. 

I just want to let you know I notice how close you are to losing, but that quiet voice for your son is still there. Keep listening.

Sending some love your way. 💜💜💜

[CheerBear]

Feeling like nothing you do is right and being blamed for everything can really wear you down @Former-Member 🙁 I'm sorry to hear you're dealing with that on top of everything else that's happening. Barely holding it together is understandable, though really hard.

Does your partner know how you're feeling at the moment? Are you able to talk with your partner about the impact this is having on you?

[Owlunar]

Hi @Former-Member 

I'm sorry you feel so close to losing it - that is a terrible feeling - what can you do about it?

Your partner might be telling you that everything you do is wrong - that the state of the household is all your fault - but he's wrong - no one can be that powerful to cause everything to be wrong

I hope you can hold that thought - I know it's not easy

Having all those voices must be chaotic - I forget what happened with your son but hearing that voice getting quieter must be losely - hold onto that voice - the others are just clutter - your son is really important

I hope you keep in touch about this - it is lonely to be wronged-out by someone at every turn

Sending my best thoughts

Dec

[Former-Member]

Hi all,

just a quick pop in. thankyou to those who replied and showed support. me and my partner have talked abit but i think it is hard for him aswell right now while im losing it because of my family drama he has been told his dads cancer is back and he wont talk to anyone about that not even with his dad who has tried a couple of times. 

i do have a question though im not sure if it would be worth asking to the new topic that has opened up but im going to ask here first anyway.

everyone i know who has contemplated or attempted si has all gone along the lines of no one cares/ no one will notice/ no one will miss me type of thing, but for me my thought are sort of opposite in a sense. i constantly feel like everyone will care and miss me but everyone except my son and partner will miss me for the wrong reasons. my whole life i have been there for my family emotionally, physically and financially but they are never there for me. everytime i have hit breaking point i have basically been told that im just too sensitive others in the family are going through worse. 

so is it unusual to want to si even though you know that people will care and miss you just not for the reasons they should?

[Maggie]

@Former-Member  Thinking about it. Will get back to you later if I have anything worth saying. 💚💚

[eth]

Hi @Former-Member  I am hearing how difficult life is for you at the moment and wish I had some solutions for you.  Sometimes all we can do is get through each day.  What your partner is doing to you sounds to me a lot like 'gaslighting' - you might want to google it.  Basically it means blaming you for every little thing as if you deliberately set things up to go wrong, when in actual fact you are completely innocent.  And it's a really awful thing to be on the receiving end of it.  I've been there too.  So unfair.  So what can you do about it? ...

I did a google and found this article ...https://www.health.com/relationships/how-to-deal-with-gaslighter   which you might find useful (I hope).

Maybe if this pressure came off you you might be able to see some of the good in life and even form some goals to work towards, or even just hobbies to enjoy.

I can't answer your question about how common it is to want to s for those reasons - I believe it's different for everyone.  I've been there too and also lost a child which pushed me past the edge so I feel great empathy for you.  All I can say is I'm glad I survived.  It's taken a long time but life is going well now and I'm making progress that I never thought I would.  I think part of it is valuing yourself in ways that make it less of an issue what others think of you.  And learning to say no to some of their requests - to develop a sense of boundaries.  For me it's taken years of good therapy but it's really worth the effort.

All said with care - and the hope that some of this will help.  Take care.  You are definitely valued here on the forums.