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Something’s not right

Loreli
Contributor

Not well

I feel like I’m living out of spite.

I have managed to separate from my ex, who had escalating DV behaviours. He has been charged with assault and is serving his community sentence. I have rehomed his abused dog through the relevant authorities. There is an ongoing court battle regarding VROs. I am making cold case statements about rapes within the relationship. I have full custody of our daughter, who is a toddler in the process of dropping her day sleep and coming off her dummy. My parents are away and have been for weeks, and his mother has moved here. She commented on Facebook that ‘she didn’t condone his behaviour, but understood why he did it’ 

He has since put up a status saying that ‘She will be a blubbering crying mess like she always ends up #iwillwin #playthevictim’ and to be honest, that post is what is keeping me going. I am suicidal and have been suicidal for a long time knowing that I had to leave the relationship. 

I honestly am so depressed and defeated I want to die. I’m a shit parent and I always will be. I am a freaking mess and I always have been and I always will be. I am unlovable. I am worthless. I am pathetic. My daughter needs and deserves better than this. Better than me. 

12 REPLIES 12

Re: Not well

Hi @Loreli 

 

Sorry to read things have been so difficult for you. Will send you an email to check in.

 

 

 

 

Gazza75
Senior Contributor

Re: Not well

Hi @Loreli ,

Not sure what to say, but, I think your quite brave to share what you have been through and to keep pushing on.  Do you have any supports in place besides your parents?  How long are they away for?

 

Take care

Re: Not well

@Loreli  hugs for today my friend , how are you  toight xox

@Gazza75, @JoeTheLion 

Re: Not well

@Loreli  Your story is well echoed around the forums. I really am so sorry you are living through this hell.

I’ve come from a DV situation myself. He left having had an affair. I don’t think there is one thing I can say to help you feel better, other than you are not alone.

I know too well the unlovable, unworthy, pathetic feelings,and wanting to die. There are many of us who will stand with you when we can. If you can manage to keep talking to us, please do.

None of this is your fault. Reminding myself of that too.

Welcome.

 

Re: Not well

Thankyou. They will be back before Xmas. I called lifeline and Ngala, and put them on the phone to my Nan to explain my situation. She rallied the troops and lots of family members have been around, and my aunt is staying with me overnight. X

Re: Not well

I am a wreck, but I reached out to family and got the help I need short term, so that’s a start

Re: Not well

Thankyou, that is actually overwhelming helpful. My friends are either very single or happily married, my brother is the only friend I have with a young child, and he is in an idyllic relationship. One lady from my mothers group identifies with my struggles, but no DV. I am so sorry you have gone through this too, but Thankyou for identifying with me.

Xxx

Re: Not well

@Loreli  w are here for you my friend xoxoxoxo

Re: Not well

@Loreli  Every tiny step is an enormous achievement. 💙💙💙

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