Lived Experience Forum

[saltandpepper]

What an absolute co*k of a day.

Fu*k me.

An absolute horse sh*t cu*t of a day.

You know what? It's been a sh*t storm of a fu*king week--weeks even. Far out. You know it's a bad day when by the end of it you can't even have a drink because you know that's just going to push you over the edge. I don't miss cigarettes often, been missing them a lot the past week though. Miss you cigs. Miss you, but hoping with all my strength that I won't see you again soon.

Yep. Yep. Yep. Grrrrrrreat. Great. Great. Great. And done.

[Eden1919]

Sorry you have had a terrible day @saltandpepper  I hope letting some of it out on here is helpful for you. Sorry I can’t be much help but I am sitting with you and can listen if that would help. 

[Jynx]

@saltandpepper so sorry you're having such a rough time at the moment. I hope you can take heart in the fact that you've shown strength in not turning to unhealthy coping mechanisms. We're here with you

[Powderfinger]

@saltandpepper 

I'm glad you came here and vented. I'm not sure if it helped tremendously, I hope it helped take a bit of the edge off at least. Proud of you for not picking up a drink and being aware it would just make things worse. Not everyone has that strength and insight. A job very well done. 

[Maggie]

@saltandpepper  It sounds like a really hard time for you at the moment.

Walking with you.

I really hope today has some light in it for you. Sending some 💙💙💙

[saltandpepper]

@Maggie @Powderfinger @Jynx @Eden1919 
Thank you all for the support, greatly appreciated. Feel like I'm getting ready to hit the pause button on everything. It's getting to be too much. A few weeks ago everything stopped, emotions, sense, empathy, giving a sh*t, it all went. Others have described it as "dissociation" and I think yeah, maybe sounds like it. Not feeling things sounds great on the surface, but in that numb state, I also felt no compulsion to stay alive. I was concerned about it and reached out to my psychologist, we got through it, I'm here. It did cause me a lot of concern how easily everything just flipped for me. I'm worries it's heading that way again. Last time was a trauma response, PTSD being fun like that. This time I just feel overwhelmed by the amount of sh*t getting kicked up. It doesn't look like the dust is going to settle and it's probably heading to a place where sh*t is going to hit the fan. I'm not sure I'm capable of coping with it if it goes that way. I'm stronger mentally than I used to be. But this sh*t, all this sh*t, it's too much.

[Eden1919]

@saltandpepper  I am sorry you are dealing with all of this, dissociation can be horribly uncomfortable especially if it lasts a while. Do you think contacting your psychologist to make a plan for if things get bad would be something useful/helpful? 

[Powderfinger]

@saltandpepper 

Hit that pause button. I think it may be necessary. You can see it's too much right now. It's ok to stop and pause. I know the absolute horrific pain it is to be living with PTSD. I live with C PTSD. Believe me, I've needed to hit the pause button many a time. I think even people with no MI could do with hitting the pause button at times. I'm.sorry I can't be if more support, I can very much say I understand what you are going through. Hitting the pause button may be the first step and avoid things escalating further? What can you pause for now?