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BlueBay
Senior Contributor

Needing reassurance from the professionals all the time

Hi everyone

@Owlunar @Emelia8 @Faith-and-Hope @Shaz51 @BPDSurvivor @Flying_Hams  and others reading along 🙂

 

I have just make a realisation of what I am doing - and I am NOT proud.  I think this is a BPD trait/personality.  

@BPDSurvivor you can probably give us more info on this; or you can relate??

 

I have been seeing my current doctor for the past 4 years when he first opened up in my local town.  He is a very caring, young doctor who is well aware of mental health and BPD (not sure how much he knows).  I am currently seeing him fortnightly as a check in for my physical and mental health.  But if my physical health is not good in between appointments I go and see him.  He is also allowing me to call him if I need to for emergencies.

 

We now have another new clinic in our area with a husband and wife team of doctors from the UK.  They have an amazing support from their loyal patients who have followed them from another town to ours.  They are both very well liked.  So i decided i would go and try this new doctor.  After my first visit i found him to be very nice, caring and supportive of my mental health.  After my second visit he explained that with BPD it wouldn't be a good idea for me to see my current doctor and this new one.

 

Now here is where my revelation has come in: - Each time when i see these two doctors I feel like i am being cared for, supported, liked and feel that someone else is there for me to listen.  I am getting their attention and they listen and talk to me.  I feel so good at the time in their rooms and I am on a high.  It's not until I leave and later on go down, really down because the care is not there.  It's like i am getting a 'high' from seeing them, getting what i want - liked, care, support and attention for however long that appointment is.  I am now embarassed, ashamed and feel horrible in even telling you all on here.  

 

Now this is terrible, it seems i am attention seeking from professionals.

this makes me feel utterly horrible about myself, i don't see myself as attention seeking.  

 

I don't know how to deal with this.  Apart from stop seeing these two doctors; but then it would happen with another doctor.  Anyone professional like a doctor gives me authority; they understand my situation, my mental health.

 

Can anyone relate to this? @BPDSurvivor  

31 REPLIES 31

Re: Needing reassurance from the professionals all the time


@BlueBay wrote:

Hi everyone

@Owlunar @Emelia8 @Faith-and-Hope @Shaz51 @BPDSurvivor @Flying_Hams  and others reading along 🙂

 

I have just make a realisation of what I am doing - and I am NOT proud.  I think this is a BPD trait/personality.  

@BPDSurvivor you can probably give us more info on this; or you can relate??

 

I have been seeing my current doctor for the past 4 years when he first opened up in my local town.  He is a very caring, young doctor who is well aware of mental health and BPD (not sure how much he knows).  I am currently seeing him fortnightly as a check in for my physical and mental health.  But if my physical health is not good in between appointments I go and see him.  He is also allowing me to call him if I need to for emergencies.

 

We now have another new clinic in our area with a husband and wife team of doctors from the UK.  They have an amazing support from their loyal patients who have followed them from another town to ours.  They are both very well liked.  So i decided i would go and try this new doctor.  After my first visit i found him to be very nice, caring and supportive of my mental health.  After my second visit he explained that with BPD it wouldn't be a good idea for me to see my current doctor and this new one.

 

Now here is where my revelation has come in: - Each time when i see these two doctors I feel like i am being cared for, supported, liked and feel that someone else is there for me to listen.  I am getting their attention and they listen and talk to me.  I feel so good at the time in their rooms and I am on a high.  It's not until I leave and later on go down, really down because the care is not there.  It's like i am getting a 'high' from seeing them, getting what i want - liked, care, support and attention for however long that appointment is.  I am now embarassed, ashamed and feel horrible in even telling you all on here.  

 

Now this is terrible, it seems i am attention seeking from professionals.

this makes me feel utterly horrible about myself, i don't see myself as attention seeking.  

 

I don't know how to deal with this.  Apart from stop seeing these two doctors; but then it would happen with another doctor.  Anyone professional like a doctor gives me authority; they understand my situation, my mental health.

 

Can anyone relate to this? @BPDSurvivor  


Hi my sister BB @BlueBay 

I have Drs appointment but will get back to you when I get back from the Drs. 

 

After my second visit he explained that with BPD it wouldn't be a good idea for me to see my current doctor and this new one.

 

What did he mean by that?

 

Its good that you feel comfortable with the drs but its also important that these relationships enhance your quality of life. For example your family life and empowers you to make better choices and thus your quality of life improves. We all just want to see you happy and healthy. I hope I have not digress from what you were looking for or wanted to discuss. I think its brave that you are so willing to talk about issues and that is a great quality to have- we all need reassurance. You're enough and you need to believe in yourself more. 

Re: Needing reassurance from the professionals all the time

Hi, 

I'm new to these forums, so please forgive any faux pas that I may make. Firstly, thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings on your situation. That's a big step, and it appears as though you've done a lot of searching to reach the conclusion you have, that takes a lot of work. Have you discussed being referred on to a psychologist by either of these doctors? Talking to someone and opening up, like you have done on these forums could be quite cathartic and allow you to uncover the reasons why you're returning so frequently to the doctors and help you put in place steps to overcome this. Psychologists can do wonders to aid us in understanding and overcoming behaviours which we otherwise wouldn't be aware of or know how to on our own. 

Whatever you decide, I hope you take care and thanks again for sharing.

 

 

Re: Needing reassurance from the professionals all the time

Hey @oceangirl  nice to chat to you 😊

hope you're doing ok and your doctors appt goes well 

 

what this new dictir means is - it's not in my best interest for  me to see two doctors. It would be creating problems because of my BPD and also too confusing for this new dictir as he doesn't have any of my medical records. 
in reality I need to stick to one clinic one doctor not two. 
its me seeking out.  

Re: Needing reassurance from the professionals all the time

I'm sorry I dont know enough about BPD traits/personalities to make any constructive or meaningful comments @BlueBay .  But if you dont mind ... I have subscribed to this new thread and will follow along.  If I have anything I figure could be helpful, I will chip in.  I will say though that you seem to have a good understanding of how the BPD mind works.  So well done on that.  I know there are quite a few BPD sufferers on the forums, so I will leave advice up to the experts.  

 

Emelia 🤗💞

Re: Needing reassurance from the professionals all the time

Hey @BlueBay ,

 

I totally understand what what the doctors mean as well as your current thinking.

 

With BPD, I believe it is good to have a treating team who collaborate in your best interest. That is, a GP, a psychologist, a psychiatrist and others if required. However, having two GPs can cause a problem. They may have conflicting ideas which can throw a borderline completely off. It is about continuity of care. With my treating team, during a period of absence from one, I would get an interim specialist for that time who have full access to my records.

 

"Doctor shopping" was a terrible habit of mine. I skipped from dr to dr to get what I wanted from each. NOT RECOMMENDED!!!

 

As comfortable as you do feel with your current GPs, people don't normally go just for a good old chat. When people are well, doctor/specialist appointments tend to drop off slowly. 

I can understand your thinking about 'receiving care' from your GPs. I used to feel elated when I had profitable sessions with my psychologist. A wise doctor will work with a patient to slowly reduce the sessions e.g from twice a week, to once a week, to fortnightly etc. During challenging times, these sessions can be upped. 

I do not believe you should stop your GP sessions just because you think you are taking advantage. You are not taking advantage. You are attending regular appointments (for now), until the time comes when you understand your need to 'wean yourself'. However, you can't wean yourself or be weaned until the 'emptiness' can be replaced by something else e.g. strategies, another support service. I would NOT however, see two GPs unless one is away, and the two GPs work together. Otherwise it can be a huge temptation for you to develop a 'need' for external comforting. Recovery comes from within. These support services are there while you need them, but you need to do the work - develop the skills to self-soothe, self-reflect.

 

This takes time. My 'weaning' period lasted over a year and is still going. I have not fully stopped having external supports as I still see my psychologist every three weeks as well as a psycho social worker every 2-3 weeks. This is all to prevent relapse into depression because I live on my own. Until I make more connections with others outside the therapy realm, I use specialists for support. This will not be forever. 

Since I know my goal is to touch-base with a psychologist perhaps once a month, I can now work towards that. What's your goal, @BlueBay?

 

I've got so much more to say, but I'd better leave it at this for now.

 

Ask away if anyone has questions.

 

BPDSurvivor

 

Hi friends from the Raising Awareness of BPD - Flipping the Script thread. Tagging you if you are interested in this conversation as I think it sheds light one one of the many struggles of having BPD - too much-too little scenario.

 

@BlueBay @Andrab @Judi9877 @WIP @Nells @Shaz51 @Aniela @JJ4 @vashi @BPDrose @Luca33 @Sarah_850 @Olliesmum @asdfge @SunflowerMe @magical_journey @Tbo @sarvan @Snoopy56 @Ellan @sanity41 @Laylah @Flossy92 @Bow @BPDSurvivor @Jacaranda84 @LouisianaM @Andrab @Theodora @Et68 @26aqua @LostAngel @Healing_Journey @TG1108 @BPDCarer1 

Re: Needing reassurance from the professionals all the time

Hi @BlueBay I don't know if the behaviour you describe is specific to BPD. But I hope the shame gives you a break.

 

I personally find nothing terrible about what you have revealed, though I do understand how discovering things like this about ourselves can be a bit of a shock if we've never noticed it before.

 

It seems to me that it is pretty easy for people in mental/emotional distress to become reliant, sometimes over-reliant on professional support. I'm sure you are not alone with this. I relate to it too in different ways.

 

Take it easy on judging yourself for this if you can. Once we recognise things, we can do something about it, a good thing.

Re: Needing reassurance from the professionals all the time


@BlueBay wrote:

Hey @oceangirl  nice to chat to you 😊

hope you're doing ok and your doctors appt goes well 

 

what this new dictir means is - it's not in my best interest for  me to see two doctors. It would be creating problems because of my BPD and also too confusing for this new dictir as he doesn't have any of my medical records. 
in reality I need to stick to one clinic one doctor not two. 
its me seeking out.  


Hi again my sister 

Sorry I had to leave earlier for my appointment. How are you tonight? I don't see a problem having a second Dr- you may see one for your physical health and the other for mental health etc others see a second DR for skin checks or women's health issues. I guess what I am trying to say, you need to think about what is best for yourself. I hope I am not confusing you. And its ok if you want to change Drs to another Dr too.

 

My appointment went well and I have been OK. But I am struggling with energy levels but I feel a bit better today with that. You're amazing BB. We have the same diagnosis. We can talk to each other about how we are going and things that we are doing well and our concerns too. Hope you're having a great night !!

@BlueBay 

Re: Needing reassurance from the professionals all the time

Hi @BlueBay 

 

I honestly don't think it's wrong for you to seek attention from doctors. That's why we go - to have our health checked and to share our concerns. The fact that you feel very flat afterwards isn't good though - and that's something you need to think about but it's not at all bad that you shared it - 

 

I think that the post if a good one - I am glad you posted this - it gives me more insight into BPD. It's a difficult disorder to manage and I am thinking that like chronic pain it most likely can't be cured - only managed. I also think that if you do recover or get better you won't lose our support. You won't need support regardless if you are able to develop a stronger mind-set which is what all your therapy is about.

 

We will still be here - unless other life-circumstances pull us away - and we care - getting support is something we all need at times - as is being listened to, loved and supported

 

One doctor is enough - imo is doesn't matter which doctors - we all need a change sometimes - the new doctors need your records though and you old doctor has been with you for years.

 

All the best with this - whatever you choose - about work or about doctors - it's good that you are making your own decisions

 

Dec

Re: Needing reassurance from the professionals all the time

Thanks @Owlunar 

I've decided to stsy with my current doctor because if I'm not well he'll always see me.  I just go in. 
but In saying this I think I'll use the new doctor if I'm not well at night as they're open late or early morning. 
I won't use both because it is confusing for me and then. It's not fair if this new one sees me as he won't have my records. 

 

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