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Need Advice


my name is aaronyok. i am 26 and live in india. i am in a service industry. i have been a very good friend with a girl for the last couple of years. both of us are single. Now she is away from me for next couple of years on some professional purpose. Surprisingly enough she fell in love with me from the very beginnig we met. i am quite a shy guy and dont talk to girls a lot. we happened to worked together on a professional matter for some days (10-12). she grew some feelings of love for me at that time. but i didnot like her as a girl friend, though as a friend she was very good. we could share our thought as we have some common interest. anyway i said to her that if she thought about any serious relationship, then it is over; i am not interested. however, we have been good friends since then. Just before she left for 2 years, we got into a kind of physical relation. after that she became too dependent on me. She started to think me as her boy friend; though we started the physical thing without any committment. As days went by, she become crazy about me and was talking about our future all the time. at some point i also thought about the possibility and shared my thought with her. but finally i realize that i was not really interested, because  i did not grew any love-kinda emotion for her. So, i said that we better stop it now, as you are getting too emtional  whereas i was not. Finally i broke the relation through a mutual understanidng, she was very upset. but within a month she started communicating me. as i still consider her to be a good friend i could not ignore her. but now she started talking about her sui****l feelings. i feel very helpless. she is a lonely girl, she had no boyfriend in her life. she fell in love a few times but the boys didnot. i am also a lonely, social phobic and depressive kinda guy. i dont know how i can help her, but i feel obliged. though i dont want to marry her either. Can you suggest, how can i change her mental distress and make her positive about life. she thinks she is a noone to this world; nobody loves her; she is not worthy of love, etc..she finds it pointless to carry on. but she is a very good employee of the organization, she has merit, she had passion for her work, love, life, family etc..Can u please suggest anything?




Re: Need Advice

Hi Aaronyok, 

Sounds like a really tough situation. I get the sense that you feel quite stuck. 

It can feel pretty overwhelming when people we care about start talking about harming themselves. It's hard to know how to help. Ending a signficant relationship can be rough. Particularly when one person feels like there's an imbalanace of feelings.The sense of grief, rejection, and/or abandonment can lead some people to feel hopeless, and like there's no way out. 

It's important to understand that it is usually not your fault. There are often many other factors at play that has contributed to them feeling this way. It can be difficult to work out how much support to give. Even though you've ended the relationship, it can worrying to see someone going through distressing emotions. The Suicide Call Bak Service lists a number of things that you can do. On this link you can find information, about how to make sure she is safe, how to conversation about it, how to start a conversation etc. 

Does anyone else have any advice for Aaronyok?




Re: Need Advice

Hi Aaronyok,


I noticed you mentioned you're living in India. While I'm sure you'll find some helpful information in here, we are an Australian service, so our referrals are Australian services.


Like I said, I'm sure you'll find helpful information here, but the services aren't based in India.





Re: Need Advice

Maybe, in this instance,you arn't the person who can instill her with hope and positivity because she probably views your rejection of her as a factor that reinforces her belief system.
Its important she talks to someone though,maybe a doctor.
Where in India are you?

Re: Need Advice

Hi Aaronyok,

My sympathies for both of you.

When I was at school we learnt life saving for swimmers.  You go into the water to rescue someone, they panic because they're drowning.  They grab onto you and now there's both of you in danger.

This situation is not one you can handle alone.

Your friend needs more help than you can give.  There's no blame in that.

Find a professional who can help, a service, a hospital, whatever.  Support her the best you can but do not take this on alone.

Take care.

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