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My life fell apart..

Hello, this is my first time posting here, I’m a 26 year old guy from QLD. I was diagnosed with BPD from a psychiatrist a few years ago, and thought that while it could explain some things, I didn’t have any symptoms at the time and chose to ignore the diagnosis. Almost two months ago, I came home from work and was met at the bus stop by my then almost 2 year girlfriend, who told me she had packed everything and was leaving. Our relationship was intense from the beginning (as most bpd relationships are), and 4 months in she moved from VIC to live with me in QLD. She also has mental health problems, so occasionally arguments would blow up and become really intense, with me becoming physical with her. The second and final time I was physical with her in an argument, we were overseas. The next day, things were back to normal, she said she forgave me, we went and got our names tattooed on eachother. We arrived back into the country, and two days later, she left me. 

I was in complete shock and could not believe what was happening, I was already having a bad day with my mental health, and already felt very suicidal. I was an emotional mess, and felt really panicked, so I went and attempted suicide. I just felt at that time, I couldn’t take the emotional pain any longer, I just wanted it to stop. I ended up getting quite unwell and was taken to hospital for the weekend, and released to stay at my parents house where I now currently live. I left my job, because I just stopped being able to function. I also work in mental health which brings along its own challenges.

I didn’t just lose my girlfriend that day, I lost my best friend, I lost my home, I lost my job, I lost my income, and I lost all sense of security. 

Its now almost been 2 months, and these still feel so incredibly hard. I normally fall asleep around 2am and wake up around midday. I hate being on my own, and every time I’ve gone through a breakup it’s the thing I struggle with the most. After the break up, I started doing more research into BPD, and now can see that I identify with almost all of the 9 “traits”. I’ve realised my ex girlfriend is my “favourite person”, and I’ve expressed that to her, as well as everything else I have learnt. I realise how much of my thinking is toxic and irrational, but it doesn’t make the feelings any easier to deal with. I feel completely consumed by my emotions every waking moment, and my moods change so drastically. My mood has changed twice just writing this out. I guess I’m just wanting to hear from others who might be going through the same thing, or who have, and got through to the other end

4 REPLIES 4

Re: My life fell apart..

@RGM93

Hey bud. Welcome to the forums. Sounds like you been through a bad time. Especially with the suicide stuff.

I have had that experience before and been in hospital too. It's a tough gig.

I have depression and anxiety. Take meds. Been doing so for 6 years. Never had a relationship so I can't talk about that much, other than to say people are complex creatures.

Are you seeing anyone atm? Getting help?

Re: My life fell apart..

Hi @RGM93 , welcome to the forums.

 

Thanks for sharing your journey with us.  I can relate to a lot of what you have been through.  I found it really hard to get over the breakup I had and that was before I had any issues with my mental health.  My girlfriend left me without much notice and I was gutted for what seemed like forever.  In time, at least that part will get better.  It's cliche, but, it is true.

 

Are you eating well and getting exercise?  Sounds like your sleep is pretty good which is important.  Be patient with yourself, you have been through a great deal.  Reach out for support and keep talking to people.

 

You can @tag peole in with there names and we will get notified if you respond.  Smiley Happy

Re: My life fell apart..

Welcome to the forums @RGM93 and thanks for such a brave and vulnerable sharing of your story. Sounds like you've been riding an emotional rollercoaster the past few months. You've joined a great community here, everyone is quite supportive of each other. No advice right now, but sending love Heart

Re: My life fell apart..

hi @RGM93 and welcome to you
im wondering how your going since your first post here?
I am someone who has BPD so can relate to some of the things you might struggle with

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