Lived Experience Forum

[Chris]

I feel lost in a dense fog. Ive had two rounds of ect treatment. My short term memory is shot at the moment. I dont know if i feel better. My psychiatrist thinks I'm alot better. I find myself wishing i wasnt here. Its all too hard. With more of the same to come. Really what is there to look forward to? I have to change psychiatrist right at a time i thought i was making a break through.  Start all over again. Is it going to take me another three years to build up enough trust to make head way? It feels daunting, overwhelming. I only have four sessions left and i have to make the very best of them somehow without withdrawing into myself. I guess if it comes to it, i can send him an email before my session. Ive done that before and it has worked well. It helps break the ice, and opens the conversation. So much to say, but i dont know how to say it.This just never seems to stop The story of my life finally let someone in only to lose them.

[utopia]

@Chris. I'm sorry to hear you are struggling at the moment. It can be scary to have to start again with a new therapist. I've had to do this myself - 3 times in the past 2 years due to circumstances beyond my control. But I kept going. Why - because I knew I wanted a better life than I was living. And I knew the only way to do this was to keep opening up and being honest with my new psycholigists.
I like your idea of writing a letter to your new therapist ahead of your first appointment. That's a great idea that will help you both.
Being vulnerable enough to let someone into our heart - also means being vulnerable to being hurt. But it only needs you to be open and vulnerable one more time - for you to findyour right ssomeone. Where you won't behurt - but wwill find the love you need. Allow yourself time to heal. Then when the time is ready - it will come.
I wish you all the best.