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Losing myself, what are these feelings?

Hi Everyone, 

 

I’m at a loss to describe this past year, I was always a fairly happy and active person, had some anxiety issues, but nothing major if I’m honest. I always had a strong social network, now I feel life has spiralled out of complete control...

 

My father was diagnosed with a terminal illness, which they’ve just stopped treatment for. My mother had cancer, and thankfully is fine now. My partner of a year left me, just as we were looking at places to move together, I had already given notice, and this came completely out of left field, I never got closure. To top it off, my grandmother is also unwell, and not likely to have much longer to live.

 

I’ve been diagnosed with adjustment disorder with depressive mood. I struggle to get up, exercise is not an option and work is nothing but filling in time. My relationships are fractured, friends I’ve know for years I completely avoid for fear of being a burden. I’ve been gambling (pokies) to stop my thoughts, and have developed quite the addiction. I’ve also been drinking, to what I can only describe as dangerous levels, and making very risky choices sexually along the way, just to feel something.

 

I miss my friends, I miss my family and I miss the life I thought I was going to have, I miss me. I’ve been receiving treatment for trauma, but I struggle to associate, as everything is just too painful. The scary thing is, the situation hasn’t run to full course yet.

 

I am terrified of the future and am struggling to see light at the end of this, I feel everyday I am dissociating myself further from the world around me to avoid the unavoidable... 

 

I don’t know how people do this, I thought I could handle anything, I was completely wrong.

 

3 REPLIES 3

Re: Losing myself, what are these feelings?

I am very sorry to hear about your Father.

 

I am new to these forums and am also struggling at this moment. I am suffering with severe and heightened anxiety because I have run out of medication and am seeing my doctor tomorrow. I suffer wtih PTSD, Depresssion, Aggoraphobia and Body Dismorphia. 

 

Today feels like hell on earth and I am about one thought from ringing my doctor's emergency number.

I am sharing this with you to let you know that you are not alone in this struggle.

Re: Losing myself, what are these feelings?

I think a lot of mental conditions start this way. That is sudden, intense, then can become chronic. I didn’t see mine coming. Suddenly I was so unwell, lost reality, job, family, loved ones, friends, future.

It can be a long hard road to recovery.

Mine took ten years. The lonely fights with mental symptoms, feelings many, many months, years thrown away, in despairing thoughts, meaningless intense emotions, unable to connect ,

 

But hang on to a few, familiar voices and people, slowly things will get calmer and return to some level of happiness.

Re: Losing myself, what are these feelings?

Hello @auto , @starflame 

how are you , been thinking of you lots today xx

hello @Meowmy Heart

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