Lived Experience Forum

[Former-Member]

@BryanaCamp ican relate. There was a lot of emotional neglect growing up for me, I pretty much have felt lonely my whole life, even among friends at school and in relationships. I would kind of just disappear internally and it has felt like there is a wall up between myself and people. My son has the same feelings which worries me. I don't want this difficulty for him. We are very similar emotionally we scares me sometimes. But in saying that, I know that there is good and bad in those similarities, the good being we are empathetic, helpful, caring, giving, hard working with a sense of responsibility but then we can shut down, get caught in negative self talk, be too hard on ourselves and be socially anxious and awkward and distant. He has been away before and it's always tough! But I'm glad he's getting a break, he was feeling overwhelmed by work and uni and social stuff. MI is on both sides of the family for him, and I understand him so much and wish I could save him somehow. I've been going for little walks to distract myself and just managed to get some tidying done. I actually had a good sleep which makes all the difference. I'm enjoying the sunshine right now and feel much better today. 

[BryanaCamp]

I'm so glad to hear you're feeling better today @Former-Member , well done. Yeah, there are a few of us here who go on walks to help with symptoms, I've tagged you on the other thread with some other folk who you might like to meet - only if you feel like it, no pressure.

You sound like such a devoted and loving mother, that's wonderful. I can hear how much you care about your son & want the best for him. I'm sure you're a very positive inlfuence on him & a source of strength. I hope he has a good break from stresses & comes back refreshed. It's hard being concerned for a young person & feeling there's not much you can do, I worry about my nephew's depression. I tried to get him to seek help but he wasn't responsive so I worry it may become an entrenched problem.

Yes, it's hard functioning socially with connections & healthy attachments after growing up with emotional neglect. I agree it makes you caring & sensitive to others needs. But you gotta look after youself too! There's a thread called Self love & self hatred which you might relate to, again only if your feel like it.

That's great you've got some sunshine, I've got some here too & will take a walk myself. Take care today, hope you have a peaceful Sunday.

[Former-Member]

@BryanaCamp Thank you for your lovely words! You made me smile, it feels good to smile. MI is so normal to me, sounds strange to say but, everyone in my family struggled with depression that I guess I forgot that there was something more out there for me. A different way of being. It felt wrong to be happy in my family, very sad in itself. I've been open with my son about my struggles so he knows he's not alone. I'm learning to just be there for him, without having to fix things, just be there to listen if he needs to talk or have a good cry and be hugged. That's what I would have wanted growing up, just my feelings acknowledged and not be shamed for them. I hope your nephew finds relief in some way, it took my son a while before he was ready to see someone. When he was, he organised the doctor and psychologist appointment by himself. He had to do it in his own time and I had to trust ( and I prayed!) that he would open up at reach out for help. 

[eth]

Hi @Former-Member  hope today is one of the better ones for you.

[Former-Member]

@eth thankyou, feel a bit dodgy today. So many things to contend with and just trying to stay calm and composed. Apparently it's called 'equanimity' I've just learnt. There are things out of my control which are no less worrying but worrying doesn't help. I'm just going to play some scrabble and get some sun.Hope you are doing well today

[eth]

@Former-Member  yes equanimity is a wonderful quality if you can achieve it.  Hope the scrabble and sunshine help you feel better.

[Shaz51]

hello and hugs @eth , @Former-Member , @BryanaCamp , @Ali11 

how are you today @Former-Member 

[BryanaCamp]

hi @Former-Member how are you travelling today? Is your son back with you?

You sound like a very skilled listener, a rare quality to be proud of. I agree that just sitting with someone else's feelings and validating them is a powerful tool. I watched a youtube video once where a therapist told how he'd validated the feelings of a patient (who was living with an abusive parent) and it was so powerful her psychotic symptoms subsided.

Hope your week is going ok. Let us know how you're doing when you have time. 

[Former-Member]

@BryanaCamp thankyou for touching base, I've been really exhausted, a little emotionally depleted. My son is back, he had a major panic attack while away, something that is happening more regularly. I'm so worried about him. He had one at work last night and said he felt depressed at work. He's usually bubbly so these attacks are getting in the way of him being himself. He wants to see a doctor which is great, but I'm scared they'll just send him.away with anti depressants without properly diagnosing him. Just out in the park trying to clear my head. It's taken me 20 years to finally get a proper diagnosis and proper medication, I wish there was a better way, more GP's with better knowledge of MI who look beyond anti depressants as a go to for sufferers for whom depression could be a symptom of a different MI.Sorry for the early morning rant! 

[Former-Member]

@Shaz51 Just back from a walk, looks like it's going to be another nice, sunny day. My new meds seem to be kicking in and I'm getting some relief from symptoms which is nice. I've got to remind myself to go one step at a time and that no matter how small or imperfect I'm making some progress. How are you doing today?