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Re: Learning CPTSD - do any carers have questions?

Thankyou @Tortoiseshell for adding this ! @Aidez your safety is paramount and I too think it's important for you to get support through this hurdle. Please to continue to reach out if you find it beneficial.

Re: Learning CPTSD - do any carers have questions?

I think this is a great idea! You’re obviously committed to extending yourself. 

 

I have a few questions. 

 

What are your experiences with negative self-concept that you can attribute to C-PTSD? How does that affect your sense of agency, and your relationships? How would you describe how it feels in yourself for someone who has trouble relating? 

 

Do you struggle with processing information? If so, what do you do to accommodate your difficulties? How do you explain this to others who can’t relate?

 

‘Emotional dysregulation’ is a symptom. How would you describe what ‘emotional dysregulation’ means for you and how does it feel in your experience? What do you do for yourself to manage? 

 

Thank you! 

 

Re: Learning CPTSD - do any carers have questions?

Also, do you feel s sense of being a different sort of human? If so, how would you describe that feeling? Can you sometimes see yourself in other people and sometimes not? Have you developed more of a sense of being like others over time, and if you have, how did you work on it?

Re: Learning CPTSD - do any carers have questions?

@sbmc all these questions are fantastic and definitely relevant!!! I have only just seen your messages today and just in this moment I don't have the headspace to response but your enthusiasm helps significantly with wanting to write a response and please know I will when my thoughts are a little more my own again.
Moved:

Re: Learning CPTSD - do any carers have questions?

This comment has been moved by a moderator to another part of the forum where it might be more easily found by the community.

Re: Learning CPTSD - do any carers have questions?

Hi Liz, I have soooooo many unanswered questions. I noticed that your original post is 2019 so I'm not sure if this thread is even active anymore. Firstly a bit of background. I am in a long-term, 30+ year marriage. Myself and my wife have 3 adult children. My wife has CPTSD combined with MDD. My wife has been an inpatient at a mental health facility for 9 months of 2021, is on over 100 tablets a week, has endured ECT with Ketamine and is now on an Esketamine program. Treatment is provided nearly 4 hours drive away from where we live and often takes her away for 5 out of 7 days. The rollercoaster ride of treatment, depression, PTSD triggers and above all, communication has been nothing short of heartbreaking BUT I'm still here, still married, still wanting to help, still wanting to be part of the solution. So my first question - my wife, especially this year, is increasingly pushing me away, not communicating. Despite my daily efforts to reassure her that I'm still here I'm continually met with a wall of " . . I am completely consumed with ptsd and mdd and guilt and self loathing and shame, and I know you don't understand, but I don't have the mental energy or inclination for anything else. ". Apart from just being there, sorting life outside PTSD/MDD, what do I do? How do I communicate with someone who doesn't want to communicate? Am I part of the problem because I want to help?

(PS - it's now several weeks since I wrote the above. I have now developed anxiety by simply coming home, inc chest pain. I have had a long talk with my wife where I was in tears the whole time. We have decided that I need a break from the situation and I have moved out for a bit over a week. I'm so very confused)

 

 

Re: Learning CPTSD - do any carers have questions?

Hi @Romeo and welcome to the SANE Forums. I hope you find this is a supportive space to be, with lots of people who understand what you are going through from their own caring experiences. 

 

It sounds like such a rollercoaster your family have been through, especially this last year while your wife explores treatment options to support her recovery. When communication stops, slows or changes, it can be so hard and confusing, and I am so sorry to hear that it is at a point where you have both taken some time. A few years ago I was in a similar position with the person I was caring for, and am holding those feelings of anxiety with you, knowing how difficult that was in my experience. How are you feeling about taking some space away from the home this week?

 

As you mentioned in your post, this discussion was from a few years ago, so if you would like me to move your post to a new discussion, I can do that for you- it might help you find other people a bit faster 🙂

 

I will also tag a few members who might be able to offer some support, a listening ear and a warm welcome. We are sitting here with you 

 

@maddison @Owlunar @Appleblossom @tyme @Shaz51 @Anastasia 

Re: Learning CPTSD - do any carers have questions?

Moving out has been a strange experience. On one hand there's massive sense of relief. On the other hand, a massive sense of guilt. My wife's psychiatrist and psychologist both support the moving out. I'm torn between being happy/calm/relaxed when I moved out to that of being stressed/anxious/depressed when I'm at home with my wife. Do I deserve to be happy?

 

Feel free to move this discussion to another post if you think that will help

Re: Learning CPTSD - do any carers have questions?

Hello @-Liz- and anyone else that may have kind words to help me,

 

I'm very new to this forum space, but not new to caring for a loved one with CPTSD. 

 

I am currently lost on how I can best support my husband. I love him so much and care so deeply, but my nature to love and nurture is only driving him away. I (with good intentions) poke and prod when he is triggered, thinking that I can just swoop in and convince him he is okay and I am there for him. But it's all just words and I am struggling to find the correct ones to sooth him. He feels like I blame his condition for our disconnect and we struggle to maintain the bond we have as he also thinks his condition is too much for me to handle. I cry a lot; because I am emotionally reactive, this doesn't help at all... How can I understand what this demon is doing to him, and how he sees the world?? I want to help and support him, and be his wife and partner.. I don't want to drive him away or be only his carer... we are a team, though a fractured one at the moment.. 

 

Thank you for reading to anyone that does.. 

Re: Learning CPTSD - do any carers have questions?

Hello @Help4Hubby, welcome to the forum and thanks for bringing your story here.  The way you describe CPTSD almost makes it sound like you feel there's this third person in the relationship (the demon), and you're trying your best to navigate being a wife and partner alongside this unwelcome presence.  I can hear the strength, patience and dedication in your words alongside the emotional impact it's having on you.

 

It's a natural instinct to want to swoop in and 'fix' things when someone you love is distressed or in pain, but often as you've seen this can create more distance and leave us feeling helpless.

A few ideas for next steps:

 

* If you haven’t already, search ‘complex PTSD’ in the search bar at the top of the forum.  There are quite a few topics on this from members over the past few years, and while these members may not be active on the forum any longer, there’s some experiences there that might give you some pointers and make you feel less alone in this.


* Support for yourself: you’ve taken a great first step by posting here.  I’m not sure what other support you may be accessing right now, but your own wellbeing should not be ignored in this, not only because it’s important that you stay well but it will impact the support you can give to your husband.  I’d encourage you to think about calling the SANE Support Line 1800 187 263 if you’d like to talk in more detail about some support options.

 

* Changing your approach: the moments of calm may be the best time to have a conversation with your husband about how you can best support him when things get difficult.  Ask him what he needs during those times and perhaps agreeing on a plan might help to guide you in what to do.  The swooping in you’ve described may make him feel like there’s pressure for him to recover in a certain way or in a certain time frame.

 

Thank you again for posting here, it’s always a big first step to reach out to a group of strangers on a forum.  Please keep us updated on how things are going and any thoughts or further questions you may have.

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