Lived Experience Forum

[Kiag34]

I feel under appreciated.

I know kids aren't geared to think of any one other than themselves but especially in school holidays they have been at home (making more 'mess') and just sitting on tv or computer/phone ALL their waking hours. 
Apparently to request assistance for them to put their own washing away in child slave labour. (Per my 10yo). 
it doesn't help that my husband has a chronic back injury and so has limited times that it's not hurting to assist. I get cross when I know it's good and instead of do his turn on dishes goes cycling or lifting kayaks with friends then can't help because it hurts again.

at work people are asking if I'm ok. I can't hide my fatigue and growing resentment for people needing me atm. I've forgotten my shift, rocked up late and generally looking the fool. 

long term I'm considering our relationship. I try show respect even if I'm frustrated but husband will swear at me (which I repeatedly assert is not behaviour families should do to one another). I don't want sex, not just from him but anyone. He now resents me for it.  Everything he does irritates me. We used to get a long so well. I will do some activities I'm not head over heels for because it's together, but he won't entertain anything I want to do at all - it's boring or crap. He chooses to spend every moment not at work doing things for a youth group. 

i don't think I'm being un reasonable. It's almost like it would be easier if I lived in my own. Then I won't have people be disappointed by me. It's certainly not helping my depression. 

[TideisTurning]

Hi @Kiag34 & welcome to the Forums 👋I'm hearing the underappreciation. I feel like that can be a really common experience among people who care a lot for others, and I'm sure there are a few members here who'll be able to relate- I hope you find each other soon. 😊 I imagine it'd feel quite disheartening to not have your efforts recognised, and not to have anyone offer assistance to you. I hope there's a good solution that presents itself, and in the mean time, take care and be kind to yourself. 🌷

[Appleblossom]

@Kiag34 

Hello and welcome to Sane forum.

It sounds hard to have the Battle lines drawn in the way you describe, re domestic and family tasks, contributions and respect.  You would be utterly exhausted.  I had a similar situation in my marriage, til I left it.  Not saying that is what you ought to do, but at least let hubster know your on to him, re physical, family and social activities.  It is draining and not fair.

In my experience children can also be very selfless, and I wonder that current school and community attitudes are contributing to the stifling of natural maturity in growing youngsters.  I do not see it as it due to particular parenting or families ... but pervasive attitudes.

Take care of you. 

[jazz]

Hi @Kiag34 I am sorry to hear you are feeling that way, it sounds really tough for you. Just following up and seeing if you need any support or just a vent can help and to be heard. We are here with you if you need. Please try take care of yourself

[Kiag34]

I’m ok just frustrated and wasn’t sure if overwhelmed or in a bad situation. Just wanted to share with people not involved in the situation for perspective, support and suggestions. Thanks for asking