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Inevitably Loosing Feelings and Want for Touch - Fast

I've been struggling for some time now with an on-going general relationship problem and I'm looking for help.  Friends and family don't seem to understand and are unable to help, I'm extremely frustrated. I'm 24 and have previously been diagnosed with anxiety and depression - as a bit of background.


I have a pattern in relationships (if they can even be called that, they never end up long term) where things go very well in the early phases. Getting to know each other, I'm open and receptive and have a positive outlook.  The men I've dated are all great and I have strong feelings for them to begin.  What then happens after a few months, almost overnight, is I lose feelings completely.  I no longer want to spend time with them and/or speak to them.  It's an unintentional reaction, but the feeling is insanely strong.  I've tried pushing through it, but the feeling ends up stronger and I hurt myself and them more.  If I do try to see them to attempt to get past it, I am extremely reserved and do not want to be touched/hugged/physical AT ALL.

When I'm dating someone casually, with no expectations of a future I am absolutely fine. Happy to be sexually physical, see and speak to them often for long periods of time. However, as soon as a 'serious relationship' is on the cards, I always end up losing feelings and losing the want for touch/sexual experiences. 

I'm hurting good people and myself and I want it to stop. It's not fair on them, or me. I don't know what to do and am looking for any assistance, as I'm about to do it again to another great guy. 

I hope I've made some sense.  It's extremely frustrating, and while I wouldn't wish this on anyone else it would make me feel a lot better knowing that I'm not alone. 




Re: Inevitably Loosing Feelings and Want for Touch - Fast

Hi @Un-explainable,


I understand this feeling too well. For me it seemed the more I wanted the relationship in the first place (i.e. was really interested in the person and could envision a serious relationship), the stronger the pushback that eventually happened. I would either have my "feelings evaporate", as you said, or flip entirely and I became repulsed by them. This made me feel heartless and broken. Prior to my current relationship, the most successful one I'd had was one where neither party wanted anything serious (him because of a recent breakup, me because of previous experience).


When I first started dating my current partner I was in the midst of a deep depression. At the time I thought it was a horrible mental place to begin a relationship and would often feel guilty for never wanting to do anything and asking for a lot of space. In hindsight however it helped me greatly because it took a lot of the pressure out of the early stages. Not expecting it to work out, ironically, made it work out. I am very lucky to have found someone so patient.


Just wanted to let you know you're not alone in these feelings and there is some hope.



Re: Inevitably Loosing Feelings and Want for Touch - Fast

Hi @Lise07

Thank you very much for your response.  While I'm very sorry you experience something similar, it's helped me a lot. No one I've tried to explain this to has ever understood. I'm so glad you are in a happy relationship and have broken the barrier, it definitely gives me hope.

Thank you again.



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