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Something’s not right

png35
New Contributor

I have trouble dealing with...

I have trouble dealing with my kid's and partner.
I'm a wounded combat vet and all i know is that
So when the kids have a teenage brain snap and scream the house down coz you asked if they want ice scream i just don't know what to do.
I really can't deal with any forms of mental shit

4 REPLIES 4

Re: I have trouble dealing with...

I dont know why today's kids are worse behaved than they used to be .. maybe its all the plastics and gunk in the air ??? I would like to think that they arent but getting the balance between child and adult rights and responsibilities seems trickier than most of us ever thought possible.

When I started at therapy 30 years ago, a psychiatrist told me that "the family was like a war zone" ... I thought he was being metaphorical ... or he was talking about other people's families ... but sadly it came to be a truth in mine ...I am a "walking wounded" from family wars.

Maybe you can find a way ...

I dont think you should have to take that kind of teenage behaviour as "normal" ... I am gently trying for zero tolerance on lack of respect ... it seems to working .. better late than never.

Welcome

Re: I have trouble dealing with...

Usually when it comes to children, the only to deal with them is to understand their thoughts. Cause for any persons in the world, thinking becomes action. Therefore, to stop them behaving wild is to understand the reason behinds their wrong doings.

Scolding is not an option. You can scold your children or get anger. But, how far is this method going to last. Therefore, undertanding your children's behaviour is a better option. They may be children to you as you might think they are still too young to understand your words, but, nowadays, children are much intelligent as adults.

Learn to talk to them and understand their behaviours. I hope this help you. In the long run anyway.

 

Stay cheers,

lostfound.

Former-Member
Not applicable

Re: I have trouble dealing with...

Hi png35 ,
Welcome to the forums! I'm sorry to hear you were wounded in service, thank you for your courage and service.

I'm a single mum with press, anxiety and depression so I'm hearing your frustration! Kids are so hard, mine are little just 4 and 7. My lil guy has some behaviour and emotional difficulties and I struggle at times. My daughter is 7 going on 17 it seems and already has attitude! I guess we just keep trying. I remember a conversation somewhere on here that @kristen was a part of that talked about how she spoke to her kids about her own mental illness. There are certain things that trigger me and make me so extremely uncomfortable that I've explained to the kids that " I really don't like .... because it makes mummy feel ..... because mummy has trouble with some bad things that happened a long time ago." And they also know that if i ask for a timeout they can't come into my room for a few minutes (usually when I'm so anxious that I just need to go and breathe)!
I have no idea how I'll cope as they get older though!! Make sure you give yourself permission to have a moment to yourself when you need one and then figure out how to approach your teenagers about the behaviour - whether you explain that it's simply unacceptable in any place (ie would they yell at a waiter who asked a question? No? Why not? Another good question for older kids is what do you think your friends would think if they saw you screaming like that?) or whether you describe how that behaviour affected your wellbeing. Just some ideas, but there's no 'fix' I'm sure the kids will still find ways to be adorable and pain in the butts when they're 40 lol!

Re: I have trouble dealing with...

I am not sure how much scolding happens these days, it wasnt something I did much ... I tried to be too child-centred ...  I would have liked to have been able to give my children nice chats about looking out for my feelings ... it isnt always possible ...wasnt for me ...

@png35 maybe the one who shouted could come to see that it was a total over-reaction and not called for

... when we were offered an ice-cream we jumped to ... even as a teens ... it was a rare event ... and yes I know times change ...

I remember my oldest's grade 6 teacher ... commiserating that a piece of birthday cake wasnt enough of a celebration for this generation ... but still @lostfound idea that most people respond best to being understood is very true ... yet teens also need to do the break away from parental authority thing ... a lot depends on the individual  ...  its allowing it to happen with checks and balances ... so they dont go too far ...

its a complex world and people seem to be becoming more complex.

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