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Something’s not right

ClockFace
Senior Contributor

I dont know what to call it.

My sister is in hospital, she started off in rehab, got her home to try and get her mental health help. A week later we got her into ER and eventually into a facility. She harmed in there. Eventually, she had a medical issue and was admitted to hospital so 2 weeks of deteriating mental  health and medical issues she is waiting to be transferred to a more acute facility. 

 

The last few days have been harder than normal, she has been going from crying, to yelling to abusive to calm. 

 

I am her primary carer at the moment, my Mum has an acquired brain injury and is in heart failure and hardly leaves her room. So she is no help. My Dad has stage 4 non-hodgkins lymphoma and still works but by the time he is home he is spent added to which he doesnt get mental health.

I have Bipolar 2 with psychotic features, anxiety and depression. Along with this I am in chronic pain and have bladder cancer. I had surgery on Friday which is causing a fair bit of pain. Its an hour drive to the hospital my sister is in so Im well sore by the time I get there. 

 

All up it has been around  8 weeks in and out of hospitals. Pretty much every day I am in with her, I deal with her doctors etc. I make sure she is aware of what is going on, she cant comprehend or retain information. 

 

I spend most of my income on fuel and going down, I have stopped breakfast and lunch. When I run out my sister transers money to me to pay my way. Neither my Mum or Dad have offered anything towards it.

Ive taken time off work as I cant look after my sister and mum and work. They were going to try and help me with special paid leave but I got told today that they wont be paying it. So there is going to be a gap while I wait for my salary contiunance insurance.

 

Im about at the end of my rope, Im not sure how much more I can deal with. Im having tactile and audiable hallucinations. Im continously anxious, not sure if I am doing the right thing by my sister, I mean I dont have my life together at all and here I am deciding her treatment etc. Even if I dont go and see her I am doing my washing, checking the car, tidying the house. I dont get a chance to stop. I have my GP tomorrow, we are trying to get me in to a psychiatrist but the local urgent one is on leave and no replacement. Im seeing a psychologist and added more medication to my mix of medications. but everytime we add a new layer of care a new layer of crap is piled on. I really dont know where to turn or what to do.

6 REPLIES 6

Re: I dont know what to call it.

Hey @ClockFace I'm so sorry to hear that you have so much on your plate right now - I'm not surprised you're feeling so immensely overwhelmed. We're concerned about how much this is impacting you, so we're going to send a little email check in just to see where you're at. Keep an eye out. 

Re: I dont know what to call it.

@ClockFace 

 

Electricity from magnetic pole variations and frequencies [both manmade and natural] go against our head.

 

We shape these into the subconscious.

 

The sub, as opposed to dom.

The con, as opposed to pro

The 'suss' as opposed to sense.

 

They are inherently against us but we shape it as it is.

 

Everyone has this, not just you. 

You just notice it more.

 

It has always been a shadow over things.

But when you notice it more you will part the shadow.

 

Pierce through them.

 

It can never be with, only an interruption.

That's all they are.

 

Learn to hate the subconsuss and part the shadow.

Re: I dont know what to call it.

Oh my gosh, @ClockFace , you're an absolute hero! It's incredible what you're carrying 😮 and I'm so sorry to hear. 😞

 

I did have one thought: can you just be on the end of a phone for your sister and her doctors for a bit? Not visit her, I mean, but still be involved in her treatment. You need to look after yourself. That way you could spend the petrol money on food...

 

Sending good wishes for your situation...
 
A handy forum tip is if you type @ and then click on a name in the drop-down box, that person will get a notification and won't miss your reply.

Re: I dont know what to call it.

Hi @ClockFace 

 

i am sorry you are going through all of this very much alone - that's huge for anyone and you have your own health issues as well. I really care about that.

 

Really - I have no idea about where you can turn for help about this - except My Aged Care for your parents if they are elderly - I don't know which state you are in or where to apply - a doctor would know. 

 

If they are not old enough then there is the NDIS - I am pretty ignorant about this system - again a doctor would know. I wish I could help more - one thing I do know is that you need the help to manage all of this. Managing alone has to be and obviously is exhausting and draining you of everything.

 

Self-care is most important - we all need to care for ourselves first so we can help other people - it's not at all selfish. Going without food yourself to pay for petrol to help your family is a terrible choice for you - I understand - and there are places like the Citizen's Advice Bureau who may be able to assist you with food vouchers. It's not begging to ask for help when you are already doing so much to help others.

 

I am thinking of you and hoping you can find some help. Yes - it sounds as if you have to do more to get help than you already are doing and that is far too much.

 

Sending my best thoughts

 

Owlunar.

Re: I dont know what to call it.

Hi @ClockFace,

I just finished reading your post - I am sorry to read how hard things are for your family, particularly your sister and of course you. It sounds like you have so much going on at the moment, whilst also trying to manage your own struggles. You sound like an amazing sibling and your sister is lucky to have someone that cares so much.

Whilst I really understand that you want to help and support your sister I hope you are also taking care of yourself too. You also need to prioritise your own physical and mental health. 

I understand it is hard but your sister is in a safe place and being taken care of by professionals so I hope that brings you some comfort and perhaps a bit of (self) permission to not do so much for your sister in terms of visiting. Could you perhaps speak to each other on the phone, Facetime, etc so that you can still support her but also relieve yourself from so much physical stress. 

As someone that is an emotional carer for a close family member with a serious mental health issue I understand somewhat the pressures and the rollercoaster ride it can be. What I have learned from this lived experience is do what you can but know your limits, know when you need to prioritise yourself first and recognise that that isn't selfish - it's actually imperative for your wellbeing. When my family member was in hospital it was almost a bit of relief for me because I knew they were in a professional setting with 24/7 care. At the end of day carers (despite wanting to fix everything) we can only do so much, be so much, help so much.

I would really encourage you to seek support for yourself at this very hard time. I have attached a few links to resources for carers that may be able to help:

Carers Australia 

Carer Gateway 

Families and Carers 

You may also want to contact your local community centre to see if they are able to help in some way (e.g. transport service for hospital visits).

I wish you and your sister all the best and I really hope things ease up for you both very soon. 
Please take care of yourself and remember `you can't drink from an empty cup'.

Warm wishes,

FloatingFeather 

Re: I dont know what to call it.

I expected that I would get some pay but nothing. So I am without income for the next few weeks. I told my Dad and the subject was changed. Told my sister and wasnt even acknowledged, no point telling my Mum she wont help. I have no idea how I am going to afford my bills let alone pay for fuel etc to see my sister. 

I decided to take today off from visiting her, she not happy about it. She wanted a heap of stuff brought in, clothes etc. I bring in stuff pretty much every day so I have no idea why we need to bring in even more. Cardigans and Oodies etc. its hot, why does she need them. 

Im probably going to call the help line thing today, try and get some self care in. Its funny a day off doesnt really mean sit and watch TV etc. The house is at least clean this time so I dont have to worry about that, but Ill call SANE, Ive already called the hospital for a doctor to call me back to discuss whats going on, Ill have to help my Mum, probably have the puppy for a while, got to look after the green house. If Im really lucky Ill get a nap this afternoon but I doubt it. 

 

I dont think my sister/Mum/Dad appreciate how much this situation has cost me, financially or mentally. There is little step up by either my Mum or Dad to help in any manner. My sister just wants stuff, me to be there, etc and gets grumpy when it doesnt happen. Ive put my life on hold, and no matter what is said or done I would do so again but a little I dunno help/appreciation/understanding wouldnt go astray. 

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