Lived Experience Forum

[Captain24]

Yep 4 times today alone @tyme 

It’s so dehumanising. Nan just lays there and has a nappy, has to be hand fed and doesn’t no anyone. She just rambles incoherently. 

Her husband is 92 and I went to his house the other day. I thoroughly checked it out. His garden is mint and his house is spotless. All you could smell was disinfectant! So he is doing really well on his own. When nan goes he is going to need me to support him a lot. 

[tyme]

That's impressive @Captain24 - actually, you find that for many couples, when one goes, it significantly impacts the other and there is quite a significant downhill. So yes, he will need a lot of support.

As for nan, it sounds so difficult. It's even hard to watch. I'm hearing you.

[Captain24]

His grandkids haven’t seen him in probably 15 yrs @tyme. His son visits occasionally so it’s all up to mum and me. But I’m guessing most of it will fall on me but I love him like a grandfather so I will be there. I don’t think he will last long after nan goes. I wouldn’t be surprised if he did it himself. Their relationship is beautiful. The best thing nan did was marry him. She did lose some of her kids, that didn’t agree, but he gave her a life she deserved and would never have had. 

Mum takes photos when she goes to see her and keeps showing me. She knows I don’t want to see it. The hardest thing was when I built my house she wasn’t well enough to see it. She was proud when I told them I was building. But I made sure her husband was the first to see my house after my parents. He was honoured that that is what I did for him. He blessed my house before he came in. He is a beautiful, gentle old man

[tyme]

That's is a true marriage of friendship, resilience, care and love @Captain24 . I have seen this in few couples. I find that those who 'stick' at it and have this sort of relationship end up living like brother and sister (note, I'm not talking about having to stick to abusive relationships).

What do you think? Do you think they are like brother and sister? Have their arguments, but know deep down that they love each other?

[Captain24]

They are deeply in love! @tyme 

They complete each other. They have been married 30 yrs and their love has only grown stronger. Yes they bicker but that’s it. They were the old couple that hold hands when shopping. He goes to see her everyday just in case she may have a glimpse of recognising him. But he says she may not remember him or know he is there but he nows that he has been and hasn’t given up on her. He sleeps in a different room in the house now as nans not there to sleep in their bed. 

[tyme]

That's soooooo sweet @Captain24 - That's a true love story lol.

I visit an elderly man who was also just like that. However, his wife passed away about 3 years ago. He has been on the steady decline since. He has just moved into a retirement village. I go visit him and take him food sometimes. And I make sure I phone him at least once a week. He's 86 now.

[Captain24]

If nan found it at 63 there is still hope! Lol 

Thats very sweet of you @tyme I’m sure he really appreciates it. Does he have any family? 

[tyme]

TW: death, suicide

He's had it difficult @Captain24 - He had 4 children. He buried 2 children (one to drugs, and one to suicide). Hence when I talk to him, he is always regretful and teary. He also has another daughter that has taken this poor man to court for his money.... so there's only one golden son left...

Tragic really... but this one son does look after him very well and visits him everyday.

I think burying your own children is one of the hardest things a parent can do.

[Captain24]

That’s such a tragic story 😢. That poor man. Im so glad that his son visits him everyday. I don’t believe a parent should ever have to bury a child. You are such a beautiful soul for being there for him @tyme 

[tyme]

I try to do what I can @Captain24 - I know he has a lot of pain. Hence, I know that for me, while I have the strength and energy, I need to make the most of it. I don't want to let my MH take away more years of my life. It's consumed so many years of my life already.