Lived Experience Forum

[Any1]

feeling like a failure. miserable all the time. deppressed and lonely. off all medication because you hated the fact that you didnt know what was entering your body and didn't even bother asking the doctor because theyr'e just as ignorant as you. i hate everything and everyone. i want to *word that isnt allowed to be said* myself but I am already dead.

whats the point in living when people just use you.

im sick of nobody caring. im sick of all these fake actors. im sick of being the only person i know living. 

the most f***ed up part is that I am the biggest fake actor there is. I have to be otherwise I will end up on the street. LIFE IS A *terrible word that im most definitly not allowed to use* 

doctors all think im fine. everythings ok. your'e perfectly normal. I HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE YOU!

I gave up on trying to get help a long time ago. there was no point. I was just re-traumatising myself over and over and over again. life is a big F****ing joke. 

if its not already obvious. I'm in a filthy mood. 

[Sphinxly]

Hey @Any1 

I'm glad you're connecting with us here. Sorry to see you're having a tough night. I'm pretty concerned about your message so i'm going to send you an email to check in.

Talk soon,

Sphinxly

(Moderator)

[Lostandalone]

Let it all out @Any1 

Scream...: cry.... yell... swear.... throw things.... just get it all out

you are safe here.... we are listening.... 

[Maggie]

I know exactly how you feel @Any1 , and I’m sorry life sucks. Just letting you know I hear and understand. Take care where you can. Sending some 💙💙💙

[chibam]

Hi @Any1 ,

I found your post very relatable, especially:

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@Any1 wrote:

I gave up on trying to get help a long time ago. there was no point. I was just re-traumatising myself over and over and over again. life is a big F****ing joke.

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and

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@Any1 wrote:

whats the point in living when people just use you.

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I used to believe that life was a back-and-forth econemy, where people use you, but you also use them and ultimately everybody wins through the benefit we offer one another. But I've never been able to tumble the secret of how to get other people to be beneficial to others - including myself. Everyone seems to be all about taking and exploitation, sucking the benevolent amongst us dry while very wilfully contributing nothing positive to the world themselves.

I've been sucked dry; got nothing left to give. So they punish me because they can't get blood from a stone.

I had more to say, but re-reading it now, I suspect it would probably get sensored because it flies in the face of anti-suicide dogma. So I'll just leave off by stating that I get your grievances. I really, really do.

n.b. If you believe you were abused/exploited/mistreated by the mental health services you turned to for help, the government's royal inquiry into abuse of disabled people (link) considders the mental health system to be a "disability service", and their calling for submissions about the abuse/mistreatment/neglect/exploitation that goes on in environments like that. Just saying.