Lived Experience Forum

[Serenity1]

How do you get rid of overwhelming feelings of guilt & shame- from behaviours when you are unwell?

 I know I was suffering from severe CPTSD from childhood & lifelong trauma & abuse in every single form, severe anxiety, severe agoraphobia, grief over my mothers death & just two months later grief ove my daughters fathers death, whilst simultaneously being actively abused emotionally, mentally & physically to the point I was unable to go to my mothers funeral because the Narcissitic abuser was her husband- who in turn brainwashed several family members into also abusing me & excluding me- even my adult son who after this full grown man physically assaulted me INFRONT of my dying mother & toddler daughter & then called the police on ME to have me arrested & that would have led to my daughter being put in care because I have no one to watch her -( I was not arrested because I didn't do anything wrong)- but my adult son told the police it was MY FAULT! That's how brainwashed he is against me-

how did I do something and completely mentally bury what IV done- like not remember AT ALL until the other week- which resulted in me having the breakdown which was on here- does that mean I have a split personality- or it was just buried from stress of everything IV explained above? I'm so confused & have overwhelming feelings of guilt, shame & regret-

i was also coming off of medication at the time- but had not told doctor- just decided I couldn't stand it anymore so wanted to stop- geuss that factors in also. 

Cant get rid of this shame, guilt & regret. 

[nashy]

Hey there @Serenity1  thank you for sharing, am so very sorry to hear about your experience of narcisstic abuse. Very common for emotionally abusive people, especially those with NPD, to utilise their intelligence to brainwash those around you. You are certainly not alone, though I know this barely helps. Are you safe from this person now? The dissonance that can occur after dealing with this kind of emotional manipulation is severe but I have first hand seen people recover, so there's definitely hope

Are you feeling shame and guilt toward yourself? Or in relation to others? I got sent a really cool video a while ago on this I will share with you here. I really look forward to hearing from the rest of the community too. We're here to listen @Serenity1  

[Serenity1]

@nashy - thankyou-I don't think I will ever feel completely safe from this person- but he does not know my address- although he knows the are I live in. I think I will be forever looking over my shoulder & jumping at shadows & suspecting people are against me as a result of the abuse.
Yes I have read up on Narcissitic abuse & it is like reading about my life- unfortunately - so sad.
I'm glad to hear ppl have recovered from this- I don't know if that is even possible for me it is so ingrained.
I am feeling shame towards myself about things I have done when really unwell which I had blocked out completely until the other day & had the breakdown. I don't think I can ever forgive myself.
Thankyou for your support. 💖

[Serenity1]

@nashy ps. Thankyou for the video link- that was so kind of U. I watched it but was really tired so will watch again so it sinks in 💖