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30-03-2023 11:16 AM - edited 31-03-2023 02:56 PM
30-03-2023 11:16 AM - edited 31-03-2023 02:56 PM
Free Falling
This is day 3 without anxiety medication. I have been experiencing insomnia, and feeling very 'jumpy': hyper alert. I am forcing myself to barge through it, because I have appointments and appearances that I can not postpone. I've also tried, these past few days, self medicating a little with alcohol. I am aware of the inherent risks that come along with that, though I feel it is the most accessible option available, unfortunately. (I rarely enjoy the stuff, to be honest).
At my GP's recommendation I did finally have a consultation with a clinical psychologist, whom I have seen numerous times before. He assured me there was no psychological gimmick (quote, unquote) that he could offer to relieve my symptoms, and encouraged me back to my GP for continued tranquillisers.
That is another thing I rarely enjoy, but have found it necessary and beneficial none the less. Problem is, one can become dependant on this medicine, and both I and my GP are wary of that... Infact, I may already have developed such dependance - which could explain my insomnia...
So why don't I just return to my GP and ask for a renewed prescription? I am fortunate enough that I can get in to see her just about anytime I want, afterall...
Well, I hesitate to return and ask for more medication because I fear I might frustrate and disappoint her.
She has been really generous and good to me. I don't want to let her down.
So I am become Don Quixotie, out here fighting the windmills of my mind. To be fair, though, my challenges are not merely conflated circumstance. I do have actual issues. I think I've mentioned before...recently being diagnosed a brain tumor... Family separation... DV... Trauma... Homelessness... Now a single parent of three... Legal matters... Unemployment... All entirely new to me.
Still, my people-pleasing tendency is off the Richter scale at this stage... Yet without thoughts of others to fill my heart I am in a terrifying free fall. What's with that?? ....
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31-03-2023 06:48 AM
31-03-2023 06:48 AM
Re: Free Falling
Just a quick hello, @Kyle1. I hope you're getting a little relief from all of the trauma. If you want to go off anxiety medication, can you just try reducing it a little for a while? I'm very anti-medication, but there are times when it is necessary.
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31-03-2023 07:13 AM
31-03-2023 07:13 AM
Re: Free Falling
Hey @Historylover
Yes, I've been told by a number of different people to wean off, but I've already run out of the stuff now...
I'll see how I go over the next hour or so as to whether I take myself to the Dr before the weekend... I've been up since 3am feeling very tense and severe butterflies. But I haven't collapsed into tears yet - which, strange to say, is an improvement.
I hope you're doing OK, too..💚🙏
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31-03-2023 11:53 AM
31-03-2023 11:53 AM
Re: Free Falling
@Kyle1, I don't know much about your situation but I am surmising that your life has undergone a change of direction that it is causing you a lot of anxiety. If so, that applies to my life too. @Kyle1, do you have ways of rebuilding your life? Do you have distractions that take your mind off your problems? They are essential. Do you read, like to build things, swim, bike ride, garden, play any sport.
For me, there are many days when I seriously consider withdrawing from my study course, but when I am immersed in it, all my worries melt away for a time. When I started the course, I used to cry while I was doing my assignments and couldn't disconnect from my problems even for a time. They are still part of my thought processes but just not quite as much as they used to be.
I'm doing alright at this very moment, @Kyle1. I hope you are too, and that you have a nice day.
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31-03-2023 03:44 PM
31-03-2023 03:44 PM
Re: Free Falling
Thank you for sharing @Historylover - if I can say so...
Yes, I have tried to get engaged with things; like my guitar, or writing, or even cooking and inevitably wind up weeping to a halt. At this stage I don't know which is worse: the preceeding anxiety, or the assured blue dump truck coming round the corner? Or yet the whole mangled dynamic...
I may get somewhere with counselling, I'm hoping, once I have the chance to gain some momentum with it.
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31-03-2023 03:48 PM
31-03-2023 03:48 PM
Re: Free Falling
Hi @Kyle1
Have you had an 'luck' getting into a counsellor? Sorry you're feeling so low and engaging with activities doesn't seem to help.
Sitting with you
Hanami
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31-03-2023 03:59 PM - edited 31-03-2023 06:01 PM
31-03-2023 03:59 PM - edited 31-03-2023 06:01 PM
Re: Free Falling
thanks @hanami
Yes, there have been cancellations this week and I got the call... it's a beginning!.
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31-03-2023 04:04 PM
31-03-2023 04:04 PM
Re: Free Falling
Words are great, aren't they? I love what we can do with them. Do try to engage with whatever you like to do, @Kyle1. Just work through the anxiety as best you can. You'll get better and better at it. 🌞
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31-03-2023 04:06 PM
31-03-2023 04:06 PM
Re: Free Falling
That's good @Kyle1 . Take the small wins. And yes it's a beginning 💛