Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[BPBear]

Hi, I am feeling somewhat gobsmacked and helpless at the moment. My nephew, of whom I am a reluctant carer (certainly at the moment!), was admitted voluntarily to hospital yesterday and it is evident to all around him, except the specialists it seems, that he is a risk to the community and himself. I received a call this morning from him telling me that they were going to release him. I followed up with the unit and indeed it was the case. Apparently he was presenting quite rationally to them and although his medication levels were a bit low they felt he was OK to leave particularly as he was a voluntary admission.

I am amazed that specialists in the field are not able to drill down below the facade and see the manic paddling of the ducks feet below the water. (Yes I've mixed my metaphors but go with me, I'm stressed!) It is only after talking with me, which I initiated!, that they have decided to change his status to involuntary.

What resources are available to me if indeed they did release him because given his behaviour and  the threats that I am receiving he is not welcome to reside here?

[Outlanderali]

Hi @BPBear

Thanks for your post today.

Unfortunately what you are mentioning is something that we hear quite regularly. People get into hospital and feel safe, which calms them down and they present calm and relaxed, as opposed to how they may present to family and in the community. That is why it is so important for the family to talk to the treating team and communicate with them like you have done. It sounds like it was a good idea for you to get your nephew place on involuntary treatment, for himself and your safety (if you are feeling at risk.)

If he is discharged and comes to the house and you feel threatened, just ring the police on 000 and explain to them whats happening, they will most likely take him back to hospital.

Does your nephew live with you? or does he have his own house? 

Hope you don't mind the questions, but we may be able to offer the right place to direct you with a little more information.

Thanks

Outlanderali

[BPBear]

Hi @Outlanderali

Yes my nephew lives with me although he is talking about moving out to his own place when he is dischanged. To clarify, the threats are legal, not physical however when he is like this I drink to try and cope...or for whatever reason, and it gets to the point that I have initiated physical contact more than once in which I always come off second best. He is not a violent person and the physical contact only amounts to pushing and shoving but I think he is concerned about what he might do if he were to lose control.

It would be best if we didn't live together however my concern is that if he is by himself in the community and he becomes manic, how can I successfully monitor it?

[BPBear]

He is BiPolar by the way. I would love to just walk away from all this, as I'm sure we all would at some time or another but my concern is that it seems he needs to be hypermanic in presentation before the authorities are able to act but even when he is manic he is a risk to himself and the community and if there is no one around who recognises the change in his behaviour how can this be best for all parties. I'm getting a little off topic here I realise but we've just had instances in this current episode where he has harrassed an ex and made a nusiance of himself and he is totally unaware that his behaviour is unacceptable. He recognised that his mood had swung from down to up this time and we took that as a positive however that's where the recognition stopped and as the behaviour accelerated the acceptance vanished. Funny how that happens!

[coffeegirl]

Hi @BPBear

When your nephew is travelling okay,  does he acknowledge his behaviour in hindsight?

CG

[1997]

@BPBear you have my understanding. We found numerous times our son would be discharged because he had a caring family, until we communicated with the Community Mental Health that our son did not live with us and we were not his carers. As hard as it is, we don't have the resources to give him what he needs in a crisis, and we experience our own emotional distress when they are unwell. 

[BPBear]

Yes @coffeegirl, the time before this was when he was diagnosed and he acknowledged his behaviour when he settled down.

[BPBear]

Thank you @1997 for your empathy. I have decided that by letting him live with me I am enabling his behaviour and it is time for him to fend for himself. Interestingly he has made a similar decision, for different reasons mind, but we are moving in the same direction along the same road which is a positive.

My concern has been that if he is living away from me in the community I may not be able recognise or help him in times of crises but a wise friend pointed out that I won't be here for him forever and its much better that he has to cope for himself. He has no idea about the cost of living so is in for a rude awakening I fear but it's time to do some growing up I think.

[Outlanderali]

Hi @BPBear,

I think that is a genuine concern for all people who are carers. I would hope that as he was admitted into hospital he now has a community care worker, or a case manager who are responsible for keep and eye out so to speak, to make sure he is taking his medication and living well in the community. If he gives you consent you can also talk to his case manager about whats going on for him. 

You could also get him involved with a PHaM's worker in your local area. (Ive added the link for you) So there are a few options of how you can get some support for him and not take everything on board yourself.

Hope this helps

Outlanderali

[Appleblossom]

Yes the cost of living can be a rude awakening.  it can also help people find some sanity as they isolate their own issues and develop a lifestyle within their means.  I try to educate about practical issues and cost of living .. but many things that many people take for granted are REALLY not necessary for life.