Lived Experience Forum

[Queenie]

The title says it all really.  I just feel miserable even though I am putting on a happy face for those around me. I feel so... I just can't put my finger on it.

It isn't helped by the fact I ran out of antidepressants and had to go two days without them. I have no interest in anything.  Today I only drank and ate to make others happy. All I want to do is sleep although I know that solves nothing.  

My psychiatrist told me due to my moving,  that I have to get a new treating team.  I don't want to.  I'm on a waiting list for a new psychologist but have been told that it could be some time yet.

I feel lost and disconnected from those around me. I tell my gf nothing is wrong with me but there is. I keep it all inside.  It feels like the positive vibes I got from my short break to the beach have well and truly worn off.

Tomorrow I travel to my old home to stay over for the last time.  I am having to say goodbye to my friends and lifestyle I had. I don't drive so it's unlikely I'll ever be able to visit them.  I guess I'm mourning a big loss. Where I've moved to,  I have no friends or family.  Other than my gf I will be lonely. 

Why does sadness follow me around? 

[Former-Member]

Hi @Queenie

Moving is right up there high on the list of stresful things to do in life... the physical side of it and then the emotional side of it, as you say, leaving behind people etc. Its understandable i think, that you're feeling it all. I think everybody goes through these types of feelings at these time, might be ok/good to share that with gf?

I'm sorry that you have to get a new treating team, thats awful 😞 I hope that your current crew will stay on board until there is a hand over/change over? fingers crossed! The mh system is so slow sometimes and really unhelpful with all their beurocratic rules!

hugs for tomorrow, will be a sad day im assuming 😞 

Do you like your new house though? are there good things about where you are now to look forward to a little bit?

lj

[utopia]

@Queenie. If you need to cry - have a cry. Sometimes it can help release the pent up tension your mind and body is holding onto. And sometimes I find after a sleep - I feel better. No longer focused on what the anxiety was about.
Can I ask why you aren't telling your gf how you are feeling? I understand you may not want to burden her, but she is your partner and your support. Be as honest as you can with her.
Tomorrow is going to be emotional for you and you need all the support and understanding you can get. Ask your gf if she can provide this for you.
Thinking of you

[Former-Member]

Hi @Queenie 

I just wanted to acknowledge what a really difficult time you are having. My thought echo @utopia and @Former-Member. I wish you well tomorrow and really hope you find all the supports you need, including your gf. Hugs 💜🤗

[Appleblossom]

Perhaps you could negotiate "permission to cry" with your gf.

 I have found crying cleansing and honest and it keeps me from dissociating too much.  

Just that we all need those kinds of releases when going through change and loss ... and for her not to take it personally.

Go gently with yourself @Queenie. I have struggled with changes in doctors ...

[Former-Member]

Hi @Queenie, have a good cry, its a release. Sometimes I need to watch a feel good tear jwrka dvd to start. Or journal it all. Moving is faily high on the stress scale and will take time to settle in so remember to pamper yourself for a couple of months. O was wondering if you could stay in touch with friends on social media? You've got us - check in every day, tell us what you're up to, how you feel. I hope you quickly find a couple of common interest social groups with potential contacts. The local councils usually have a Community Directory online. I wish you all the best with it. Sometimes change turns out to be the best thing after all, once you settle in. I'm hopeful it will be. Big hug xox

[Squirrel]

Hi @Queenie go ahead and cry. Grief is an expression of what we have loved and the tears provide a vessel to release the build up of the pain we feel. Sharing your feelings with your gf allow for her to play a role in supporting your combined transition with consideration and respect of each others needs. How is she feeling about the move? Where do you connect with each others experience? I hope you have also managed to fill your script for antidepressants. It would be an additional challenge you may not need right now to be dealing with a fast withdrawal from something that keeps you levelled. A stress like a move would usually warrant a temporary increase in medication, under the advice of a doctor, rather than a complete withdrawal. Dangerous too I believe so I hope you have been able to see a GP for support with this. It will get better but it is a transition so it will take time and experiences for the better to grow. Thinking of you

[Queenie]

I ended up fessing up with my gf about the sadness I feel at the moment.  Today was a big day as all my old broken furniture went to the tip. It makes this moving thing very real. I can't cry now because her kids are here and it would be inappropriate to cry in front of them. 

The stress has brought back some voices a little bit too but at the moment I can handle them.

I've decided I need some pampering so I'm going to indulge in some retail therapy on Tuesday.  Lucky me!

As for the antidepressants,  I got onto my psychiatrist and he said just to restart them. I've done that as I have a new supply. 

Thanks for listening and replying.  I really appreciate it. 

[utopia]

@Queenie. What are you hoping to buy on your retail therapy trip?

[Queenie]

@utopia I'm Hoping to get my first iPhone.  All my other phones have been cheapies and they all are broken.  I haven't made a major purchase like that in years!