Lived Experience Forum

[Lemonjuice]

Lol, yep, the fourth time round. I cannot be the only one who gets these feelings for their therapist. One time, I fell for a female therapist which was interesting considering we are both female and I am heterosexual. It's not being in love, in the usual meaning, it's a strange mixture of different kinds of love, mashed up in one ball...all the various love types of your past...and of course is a big dose of transference. I'm old enough to be my therapist's mother, not so old that I couldn't be a cougar lover, chime in every abusive lover I have had, he feels fatherly because of his kindness, we're similar cultures, so he could be a cousin, etc. I can see it happening, I know what it is and it's only mild but gosh, it's funny...at my age and the umpteenth therapist, surely I wouldn't still be falling for this transference nonsense. Lol!

[Queenie]

Hey @Lemonjuice, what you are experiencing and describing (transference) is very common, I'm sure you're not the only one here who've ever had feelings for their therapist or doctor. I've had a therapist in the past that I thought of as a best mate rather than lover, but it is transference all the same. When he left to go back to teaching, I went through a whole gamut of emotions. I wish I had of been more up front with him about how I saw him, I could have processed it properly. 

I know you feel mixed feelings about this therapist, but is good you recognise it for what it is (transference). I'd hate to see you getting unnecessarily hurt.

[Lemonjuice]

@Queenie Thanks for writing back. My background is in psych, so I see it for what it is, transference. The first couple of times it happened, I was indeed devastated when things came to an end. But this time, I feel more in control of my feelings. I know I am feeling this way cause I am very lonely and abused and here is a man who has been kind to me. Bound to happen. 💓

[Appleblossom]

@Lemonjuice I believe it is important to post about the issue as it is a general and common experience.

Even necessary if the client is going to feel trust and grow in positive feelings of self worth and esteem.

BUT the pain of separating needs to be seen through adult eyes.

My feelings for first the therapist whom I had a positive attachment to, was massive. 

We need to know we can survive the pain of adult separation from therapists, That it is the type of pain where there is no gain without pain, but it is worth it.

I wish the medical profession was more up front about the transference issue.

Like you I was fore warned as I had studied psychoanalysis and social theory prior.  It is harder for those who do not realise it is part of the parcel....

[Lemonjuice]

@Appleblossom Definitely, it's very helpful to understand transference, psychoanalytic theory, etc. I just this last minute watched a five part talk on trauma, memory and transference by Eric Wolterstorff...brilliant...and I wouldn't mind dating him...very cute.