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dhr53
Senior Contributor

Everyday

hi I am new to this, I have depression and have had it for much longer than what I had realised. It is horrible to think all those black and non functioning days were caused by chemicals in my brain running a muck. I have often felt selfishand  confused that I can't find joy when I have no reason not to feel joy. I am on antidepressants but at the moment I am struggling a bit. It is difficult when there is no one to talk to. I do have a partner who is wonderful but I have burdened him with enough grief al ready. I don't know if it is because I am tired, or because I don't have any close friends, or because we live a long way from people, or because I am on my own a lot in the evenings. Then I drink, not huge amounts but more that is healthy. Then I feel like a spoilt cow, when I have so much and yet can't feel the joy. Pathetic!!

 

11 REPLIES 11
Former-Member
Not applicable

Re: Everyday

Hi, Glad you are posting here... I've felt and do feel the same way a lot of the time. I'm so glad that you are recognising that it is the depression that causes it. Its like a blanket over anything bright and happy in life and dampens it somehow. I try to remind myself that the good stuff is still there I just have to search for it. I started a thread called the 365 project for me (and anyone else) to find something each day thats been good, or that we can feel greatful for. Something I read a while ago said that looking for positives and making it a habit actually helps to rewire some of the processes that cause depression. But its a daily battle.

Its also really hard to be lonely... I feel isolated and that makes htings worse. But being on here helps that a bit! Hope you find some support here, and that htings start to improve for you.. might be good to see your gp again or who ever prescribed the anti depressants to get some more help or advice on how to keep feeling better,

good luck,

lj

dhr53
Senior Contributor

Re: Everyday

Thank you for your reply, it is hard to constantly remember to be grateful and to think positively? I think that having your thoughts accountable to some one is a good idea because it brings them to the forefront of your mind. Ok today I am grateful for the great people I work with. I have read heaps of stuff on rewriting my brain but putting it into practice is a another thing.

thanks again dhr53

Former-Member
Not applicable

Re: Everyday

Yes exactly, and when you feel low, its even harder to even find the motivation to try sometimes.. but i like how on here we can encourage each other and sort of be reminded to keep on trying as well. 

Glad that you have some good colleagues! I'm not working this year, got too unwell in January and ended up having to take the year off. Hoping to go back next year, but have so much going on this year.

Do you have any hobbies? I've started colouring in in the evenings which has become a really nice relaxing time for me lately... when i can get my big lil girl to go to bed and stay there!!

LJ

Re: Everyday

Hi @dhr53

Welcome the Forums!

I love what @Former-Member has suggested (she is an orcale of wisdom). I think she makes a good point in saying that motivation is harder when we are feeling low. It's like a vicious cycle.

I do think, and am hopeful, that we can find our way out of the cycle. It can feel like hard work at times, but the work we put into can help. Little changes (no matter how minor) can make a difference over time.

Anyhoo, I just wanted to welcome you to the community.

Oh, and here's a link to the thread, '365 Project' @Former-Member started.

CB

 

 

dhr53
Senior Contributor

Re: Everyday

Thank you so much, it is good to be able to communicate with people who have an understanding. Most of the time I don't understand it all myself and why I am this way. It is really hard not to go back to the default state of mind. Has any one had success with meditation? 

Former-Member
Not applicable

Re: Everyday

I can't seem to stop my mind/brain from all the thoughts i have.. and always felt like a failure when i tried meditation. But I have been working hard on some of the mindfullness stuff. I can't say that its been very successful yet.. but i'm using an app called smiling minds  (theres a website called smilingmind.com.au) and it hasnt been too bad, it just keeps asking you to refocus your attention on your breathing or whatever and its calming. Do you meditate? I'm always in awe of people that have so much self control that they can mediatate and just choose to be 'calm' (i think i was born without that ability!!)

LJ

Re: Everyday

Heya @Former-Member I have the same issue - a busy mind. I've practiced meditation for few years now, and I've come to think that the mind does not really stop, but the noise that the mind makes become like background chatter. Does that make sense? For me, it's kind of a volume control, the noise doesn't go away but when I draw my attention back to my breath my mind becomes momentarily quieter, than the mind wanders and the volume goes up again. But the more I keep at, the more my thoughts become background noise.

Meditation is not easy, but I tink the challenge is where the lesson is at.

I'm keen to hear how it progresses for you. Keep me in the loop!

Former-Member
Not applicable

Re: Everyday

yes @CherryBomb

thats what my psych said too, that the mind isnt really capable of 'stopping' but being able to choose what you pay attention to...

Glad to hear that you have been successful at it, i'll keep going and let you know! Life is so full of challenges.. be nice if a few things were easy lol! (but then we may not value them as much i guess.)

LJ

Re: Everyday

I think it partly the pace of life these days.

I had more success with meditation when I was in my 20s and 30s.  These days I do meditate but it is not as structured. I often have a meditative style and learn to let the thoughts race along.

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