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Bea
Contributor

Encouraging or is it enabling?

Sisiter with SZ. Lives on own but parents did all (shop, clean, organize, fransport). One parent had health crises, other now carer. Expectation that I replace & do all.  Have own life, kids, job etc & getting resentful Smiley Sad  Started sayiing No.

 

Parents think they allowing her independance.  They have taken on al the responsibilty.  Without it, the management of her life will crumble like a pack of cards.  

15 REPLIES 15

Re: Encouraging or is it enabling?

Hi @Bea, that sounds like you are in a tough position with your family. Have you been able to discuss your concerns previously with your parents? 

Re: Encouraging or is it enabling?

wow that is a lot for your parents @Bea 

can they get outside help to come and help

and I am thinking and wondering how you are going through this

we are here for you xx, you are not lone my friend

Hello @Ali11 

Re: Encouraging or is it enabling?

Thanks Ali11. I have tried over the years to talk to the folks. I think that their 'family duty' values are very strong & fheir grandpadents took in their parents when elderly etc.

Thanks also Shaz51. It was getting too much for them but luckily the NDIS came along & I helped fhem transition somewhat to getting some outside the family help. We joke & call it "the staff", "chauffeur" & "chaperone" between us & are SUPER grateful there is some funding for support workers.

Re: Encouraging or is it enabling?

I am building the courage tot try another little chat tomorow. I have tried all manner of "what if you get hit by a bus" or "abducted by aliens" etc. Too broad. Have applied for emergency respite from NDIS as folks buy 1. meds, 2. food & 3. incontinence items (oh yes, don't ask unless you really want to know..). How long could she last without those 3? A week? That's when I will have to step in & enable her house of cards or what??? 000? Folks seem to think they will live forever (cufe eh.). One is in great health, but other is wheelchair bound with sight deficits after major stroke + irregular heart.

What happened to their common sense?

Re: Encouraging or is it enabling?

Good luck with your chat today @Bea, we're here if you need to come on and talk about it. It sounds like your parents are very sweet and focused on family. 

Re: Encouraging or is it enabling?

how did you go @Bea , we're here if you need to come on and talk about it.xx

and remember to put a @ in front of members names so we get your message

@Ali11 

Re: Encouraging or is it enabling?

Hearing you loud and clear about your questioning what is enabling or encouraging ....

A sibling should not carry the same reesponsibility or duty as parents.

Heart @Bea 

Re: Encouraging or is it enabling?

Sigh.. my little chats continue... some ideas like seeds may take root & grow, others fall on the hard ground to waste away. Cannot change my folks, only point out some observations & be available to listen & help them get more help if/when they decide they have had enough.

Re: Encouraging or is it enabling?

@Bea, my mum is a very strong and indepentent woman

took herr a long time to accept meals on wheels and other help around the house , I still do a lot of it xx

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