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Something’s not right

LOVELUKE
Contributor

Emotionally Detached

Husband has a lot of things going on bipolar, anxiety, also has a rare illness. A couple weeks ago I said to him he can't drink anymore because when he dose he drinks to much and emotionally abuses me. Says a lot of nasty stuff to me. Says he don't mean it but it's breaking me. So now because I'm the bad one for saying if you drink alcohol you gotta leave. So he's barley talks to me. Says he's emotionally detached. Why am I feeling like the bad one that's done something wrong it's breaking me big time. I've got an appointment tomorrow with my Doctor to seek help for myself. So unfair 

9 REPLIES 9

Re: Emotionally Detached

@LOVELUKE  Hey LOVELUKE and welcome to the forum. I have Bipolar I and yes when I was unmedicaded I apparently would fly into rages  of which I cannot remember. Is your husband medicated? Is he seeing a psychiatrist ? a psychologist? these 3 things are so important. if you ever feel scared you should call the police and have him admitted to hospital. He wont like it but too bad. I am here when you need to talk, love greenpea

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Re: Emotionally Detached

@LOVELUKE 

Welcome to the forum.

No you are not the bad one for setting a very reasonable boundary.  One of the consequences of boundary setting can be resistance. Give it a few months at least.  Dont cave in on it, hold firm, and hope with time, your partner will see the wisdom and things can get back to a better footing.  If not, at least you know you tried.

Take Care.  Its good you are getting outside support.

Re: Emotionally Detached

Hi Greenpea my husband is medicated and see his a psychologist every fortnight and they are seeking help from his psychiatrist again in the new year. He has a great medical  team around him. He said it's hard in his head some days.

Re: Emotionally Detached

Thankyou am always looking for outside support and other Carers ideas on how to help. Also love hearing from people with this illness as well. Xxx

Re: Emotionally Detached

Hello @LOVELUKE, Thank you for reaching out to the community and sharing your story. I too can relate to the challenges of a partner whom displays signs of problem drinking. I am curious to whether you have seeked support for yourself? When I was in that situation, I found it very empowering and helpful to engage with my own psychologist as well as a support group with other people whom were going through something similiar to me. They helped validate my boundaries and support me through challenging feelings of self-doubt and guilt. I hope that you have good people around you! 

Re: Emotionally Detached

Hello @LOVELUKE 

 

Welcome to the forum.  I'm so sorry to hear things are really difficult for your husband right now, and that you're really suffering too as a result.  

 

It seems that by making a limit or boundary for yourself to keep yourself safe, your husband has felt very defensive and reactive, but is expressing this by giving you 'the silent treatment'.  

 

It's really great that you are seeking support for yourself and speaking to your Dr.  My father was an alcoholic, and my mother sought support from AlAnon - she found it really helpful to understand how addiction operates and the 'voice' of addiction.  However, in doing so, my dad 'punished' all of us kids by making us do chores etc for hours when mum went to the meetings, to try to make her feel guilty and stop her going.  Ultimately, my father left my mother, which looking back on it as an adult now, was the kindest thing for all of us, although very painful.  My mother is a devout Christian and there was no way she was ever leaving my dad.  

 

I hope you are able to find the support you need to make the decision that is kindest for you and your husband.  I understand that it's very painful for you and that decision is a deeply personal one.  

 

Be gentle with yourself. 

 

Tinker

Re: Emotionally Detached

Maybe also a support group like Al Anon might help you. It’s not ok for you to be emotionally abused

Re: Emotionally Detached

Hi LOVELUKE. I get it. The tenterhooks that come with the all consuming carousel. I live with my bipolar alcoholic sibling - who isn't  interested in meds or a psychologist. Not ready. Too confronting, You are. For yourself. You choose to. It really can help - one way your consideration and decisions regarding this can influence YOUR feelings and life for the better. I'm so sorry for what it has come to. That toxicity you speak of is so damaging. It usually goes even deeper than we realise because it becomes normal! Keep with it - whatever form it takes. To help YOU. 

Re: Emotionally Detached

I somehow agree with the belief that it can be better to be realistic, to accept that it is the illness that is causing the behaviour. As for alcohol, I think in my husbands case, can just cause  the feelings of loss of control to come to the surface. Through many years in our situation we went through a lot of times of crisis, not always helped by those professionals who are supposed to be helping. The thing that changed the alcohol use was him being told it had affected his memory. I was amazed. I still find it hard to really accept that his inability to have genuine insight and empathy is the illness , in his case schizoaffective disorder. 

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