Lived Experience Forum

[Former-Member]

Ever since I started this journey I felt like I wanted to go back in time and never do that first step to seek help. I don't feel in control of my life anymore and I am over the effects medication has on me. I feel like I got caught in a spider web and from making me take one little pill a day, now I take a handful several times a day just to continue living. I feel like I'm trapped in the medical system and they don't really want to help but just make another sad and sorry case out of me. I am a survivor! Why do I feel like a victim again? How do I get my freedom back?

[Former-Member]

I guess ultimately we are all on our own and that will never change. No matter what happens my history and my personality will not change. I wonder where that inner strength is gone I had all these years.

[eth]

Sending you positive thoughts @Former-Member.  You're not on your own here 🙂

[Former-Member]

Thank you @eth

 I wasn't in a good place the last few days - hoping to break the pattern today. I guess it still surprises me when the complete darkness rolls in as I thought the meds & self-care would take care of that. I have a lot to learn.

[MoonGal]

Hey @Former-Member - I hear you. In a diffiuclt place myself at the moment and I think - what is the point? I too have ben wondering lately if having 'insight' and 'managing' my own packet of mixed nuts labels, is better or worse that just rolling through the wierdness, doing my best (and worst) like I used to before the diagnoses.

Resilience seems to be blurry and fudged and watery when on meds. I seem not to be able to 'bounce back' to strong, but just under par all the time. But I also wonder is this just the way it is. There are certainly SOME things better medicated. It's all so hard to rmember how HARD and STARK it was before the meds. 

This came to me in the shower the other day as I struggled... I give it to all of us who ARE strong, yet wobbly too.
__________________________

I am a Tree
A Mountain
A Cave.
Strong
Solid
Deep and
Brave.
______________

Moongal (c) 2016

[ivana]

Do you feel that the medication is helping you?

[Former-Member]

Thank you for sharing @MoonGal sounds wonderful!

@ivana - I cannot make my mind up if I was better off before the meds, but then I never talked about trauma before and I had a few scary lows having flashbacks. I guess for now I'll stick with them. I haven't started working through the traumas yet and I think it will take a time before I decide whether I want to go off the meds.

How about you?

[ivana]

@Former-Member,

Im ok,thanks for asking.

[Appleblossom]

@Former-Member Your history and personality will not change, but often how we view things does change, even if it is only subtle.  It can make it easier to manage the memory of past trauma.  Good Luck doing the work.

Hi @ivana lovely to see you.  Has much been happening in your life?