Lived Experience Forum

[dwoods77]

I am finding it very hard to actually ask for advice here as i dont even know where to begin. As soon as i start a new post I have such a jumble of thoughts that many times i have just read over what i wrote and shut the page down... a bit like writing a letter but scrunching up the paper as nothing comes out the way i want

. I have been newly diagnosed with borderline personality disorder but have a long history of depression and anxiety. I have been hospitalized quite a few times now with depressive episodes but until now i really only got bandaid solutions and it feels like i have really just begun getting help for my deep rooted problems. I've been in hospital 4 times over the last 4-5 months and I'm rapidly beginning to feel overwhelmed again.

I have started seeing a psychologist again, my first appointment was last week and have my second appointment today. I had a psych appointment about a month ago and just missed my 2nd appointment with her. I knew it was coming up but when i rang yesterday i found out it was meant to be the day previous 😞 now she is on holidays for a few weeks and cant get in to see her for another month.

Would love to hear peoples experiences and suggestions of what to do to keep yourself occupied. I feel like I am totally stuck in a rut now and dont see a way out. I've just been granted an exemption from centrelink so i dont have to look for work or 12 months with a review at the end of that period. I don't know how i will be able to survive on the dole. I[m currently in a refuge accomodation and being crisis accomodation i'm not going to be able to stay here indefinitely but at the same time if i start looking for work i feel like i won't be doing myself a favor as i know i wont be able to cope with it. 

There is approximately a 12 month wait for dbt program through my mental health clinic, my psych was trying to get me in a mindfulness program but they have a bit of a wait for that as well and in the meantime she said i would just have to make do with the gp referred psychologist.

Im really stressed out ugh...

[kristin]

Hey @dwoods77 

Sounds like the pits really. It is so hard to find the help we need, and articulating what we feel or what help we need is terribly difficult when feeling overwhelmed. I suspect all of us here have had times where we've typed a post then "scrunched" it. I think kato does this quite often from what he's said.

I am struggling to dog-paddle myself at the moment so I'm not well placed to respond to your post fully. You are doing well in looking for help, keep at it. The more you can take responsibility for maaging your mental health (and other) needs the better off you will be in my experience, and the more empowered you will feel. But it is very hard work, nor do the "systems" in place help partticularly. They can be disabling rather than enabling. 

Speaking of which... if you've been formally diagnosed with BPD and have suffered long-term debilitation (and even Centrelink are acknowledging this) surely you are eligible for DSP? It might help to ring Social Secutriy Rights in your state (you can Google it), I think all states & territories have one. Ask them about your rights, so you know before tackling Centrelink.

I hope this helps a little. Take care and keep posting!

Hope endures...

Kind regards, 

Kristin

[Hobbit]

Hi @dwoods77 

Firstly, welcome to the forums. I hope you will find this a great place to chat with other people who are really supportive, caring and can also offer you some really good practical advice.

I would like to say initially not to worry too much about what to say on these forums, everyone gets confused when they are writing down their thoughts, and it's so easy to get jumbled up. I myself have a hard time thinking about what to write sometimes!!

I really feel you you, going to hospital so often must get really exhausting in itself, and now the fact that you can't see your psychologist again for naother month must just feel terrible.

I wonder if anyone esle out there may have some words to offer @dwoods77 . @kristin @Alessandra1992 @Rick @PeppiPatty 

Hobbit.

[Hobbit]

Just posted a reply and then saw the wonderful @kristin beat me to it!!

Hobbit.

[dwoods77]

Just wanted to thank you for the replies. think I might have confused people when I said I missed my psych appt - I meant my psychiatrist appt - saw my psychologist today which went pretty well, she suggested she would be happy to back me up if I try for disability pension: didnt even bring it up as such just told her in passing that I got an exemption from looking for work.

She brought up a fact that I had never noticed begoefore but apparently she was noting down every time I said "i don't know" at the end of a sentence or in general talk. Never noticed it before but now im so concious of it

[Alessandra1992]

Welcome dwoods77, dbt might have a waiting list but you could ask your GP to refer you to a pdychogist who uses dbt or act (acceptance commitment therapy). Act is a mindfulness based therapy and is I credibly effective with all types of diagnoses ranging from mental health to physical.. Has been proven to work with fisbeyes, drug and alihol, BPD, anxiety, depression, voices, and works in one on one sessions, group sessions etc.. Spectrum in Victoria runs groups for BPD, and I believe use ACT as part of it..

On other hand, your psychologist might be a great DBT practioner..fingers crossed for you!!

[kristin]

Hey @Alessandra1992 

Can you please edit this? We are missing some important pearl of shared wisdom because (I'm guessing) your iPhone or whatever is doing some very creative spelling! I am cluesless about what "fisbeyes" is, pretty sure "alihol" is alcohol though.

I needed some humour tonight - my 6yo is doing her "yo don't understand litany" because it's past bed time and I'm insisting she goes now! Thanks!

Cheers, Kristin

[Alessandra1992]

Oops! Thanks @Kristin.. I did mean alcohol and other addictions.. It has also worked in acute hospital settings and equally effectively in community settings..works with diabetes too, especially with groups of people who were not managing their diabetes very well..

[dwoods77]

Ive had a couple sessions with my psychologist now with a session booked this friday as well. I have been able to talk to her quite well I think but Im worried that im just not going to have enough sessions to really get the help I need.
I spent the night in emergency ward the other night as I havent been coping too well. Complicating matters I think the medication the docs have me on for anxiety are making my depression worse as they are pretty sedating and I seem to have no motivation whatsoever. All in all just feeling so crappy 😞

[kristin]

Hey DW

So sorry to hear that. Have you made an appointment with your psych to have the meds reassessed? It sounds like a worrying downturn. Not helpful at all. Hopefully your psych is not "set & forget" with meds - some are unfortunately.

I'm glad you feel the psychologist is helping. I'm pretty sure you can get a few more than the 10 (another 6?) if needed but more paperwork for the gp. I agree it's not enough.

I had to struggle along with 10 psychiology appointments a year until I found my psychiatrist. She's fantastic and I can see her every week if I need to (which mostly I do, though when I'm quite well I see her fortnightly).

Hopefully you might find one too - worth continuing to ask around, as there are still psychiatrists around who actually "do" therapy rather than just set meds, tell you to fix your life,... next! Sorry being narky here - the first psychiatrist I saw after my youngest was born (she was 2 weeks old, we drove for an hour+ to get there, me still with my Caesarean wound mending) said "oh nobody does therapy anymore"! What BS.

Hope for the help we need endures...

Kind regards, 

Kristin