Hi all who are reading
My last post i wrote alot re grieving estranged young adult child. My other highschool aged child is with me during the week and give the best of myself as a Mum .
This i wake up to everyday the feeling of grief. Mornings are really hard to face the day and face reality. Depression is very present also along with anxiety side of ptsd from trauma from before having children.
That's a basic summary anyway.
After relapse early December I am really frustrated and disappointed in myself for not being further along in feeling better and participating in life and things I used to enjoy. Some things I am questioning whether I want to return to but do know I have to do something.
I recently found I am also in the beginnings of peri menopausal. Some hormones are changing in levels or whatever.
I went for a walk this morning so that's something
I know things that will help and can suggest these things to others but actually doing it myself is another thing
I don't feel like myself. Motivation is really low. I feel like I am wasting my life away.
Positive things I will be seeing my clin psych a couple of times during this month and will also be seeing psychiatrist to review medication.
Some days , many days I go through waves of wanting to disappear. I feel like a prisoner in my own mind.
Some things I have read or seen on tv of late have triggered me from past trauma.
Feel like I need to get through this month and pray to God I will gather enough confidence again and motivation to get back on track - I don't know what that track looks like.
I feel like I should be doing better and my teenager deserves better even though I put on a brave face and we do get along. I fear if I don't start getting back into things and feeling better I will lose another child.
I think is this it? Will I ever feel better. It's a real battle.
Very depressed and struggling
Emergency, police & ambulance (24 Hrs)
Connect with a lifeline crisis supporter (24 Hrs)
Suicide callback service (24 Hrs)
Kids helpline (24 Hrs)
13 YARN