Thank you @Lee82 and @outlander , you both are totally amazing friends who I probably don't deserve. So time to explain today, @Appleblossom you my friend will understand this probably a little too well 😞
The past SI attempts (expect the last one which I won't talk about ever) have almost been half hearted. What I haven't shared is like our friend Apple, I too had an SI delay tactic. What I told myself was that all I needed to do is to reconnect with my dad one more time and then it was ok to let go. I never thought in my wildest dreams that I would ever see him again.
Todays visit was uncomfortable for everyone but we where there for an hour and half and the conversation flowed with no awkward silence. We left agreeing to do it again in a couple of weeks. I walked to the car, once in the car I lost all my words, couldn't look at hubby and couldn't stand his touch at all and still can't. Full on internal melt down refused to let it show to anyone, still avoiding contact even eye contact with anyone. Emotional done, physically exhausted and just over these feelings.
@Lee82 , I am keeping our promise from here on in my love.
Emergency, police & ambulance (24 Hrs)
Connect with a lifeline crisis supporter (24 Hrs)
Suicide callback service (24 Hrs)
Kids helpline (24 Hrs)
13 YARN