Lived Experience Forum

[Aeiou]

Hi All,

I am scared of the dark and I am scared of being alone at home. My partner/carer has been home with me every day and night for about a year, but recently went out with his mates. I did not cope well and went back into old (unhealthy) coping strategies. I kept this from him, as he does need to have his own life and cannot be stuck with me at home for the rest of his life. He's going out again this weekend, and I don't know what plans to put in place to cope. I don't have a friend who could visit, I will be alone at home. My brain just seems to shut off when he's gone. Any ideas? Thank you.

[Gazza75]

Hi @Aeiou , it must be a bit daunting for you to face this alone.  I would try and stay busy, maybe get some movies or do some hobbies that you like to do. When I feel anxious or nervous I normally try and do some colouring in.  I don't know why, but, it seems to calm me a fair bit.  You could get some candles and a torch at the ready just in case  you lose power.  Maybe your partner can write you a note saying that he will be back soon and for you not to worry to much.  You can stay on the forums here, theres a few lively threads over the weekend you could participate in.  I'm sure people here will support you through the whole time.

Wishing you well, you'll be ok

[Teej]

Hi @Aeiou , 

this might not be what you are looking for but it might help. I sometimes think about the things that I can’t do when my family around. Maybe you can think of some things that he doesn’t like doing and you do. It might be a tv show or movie or cooking or buying something you like that he is not so fond of. Maybe treat it like a singles girls night in where you can do what you want and make a pact with yourself not to self harm and have treats for you to have instead. Just ideas. It’s not easy but I’ve started to try and embrace this a bit more when I’m home alone and my brain is in overdrive with unhelpful thoughts. I’ve even started to find some guilty pleasures like watching Bridget Jones diary or mamma Mia 😳  Not sure if this helps. Good luck. 💜🤗

[Aeiou]

Hi @Gazza75 and @Teej 

Thanks for your replies. I’m already close to tears. I will think about a movie or program I’d like to watch and get some treats. I’ll also have a look at the forum. I get overwhelmed being alone at home. I know I have to stay away from alcohol. I just have a thousand thoughts running through my head I’m so scared to lose control. 

[Aeiou]

I feel like being alone at home is surviving being alone at home. Feeling sick with anxiety. And I don’t want to tell my partner, it’s just so unfair that he can’t live his life and I need to cope somehow. I’m sure it will get better with time?

[Gazza75]

I think it will get better @Aeiou. Maybe partner could call in or leave you a recording of voice so you can listen to it if need be.  Hang in there.   

[Ali11]

Hi @Aeiou, we hope you were able to get through the night last night. Have you thought about buying a lamp that you can keep on or perhaps getting a nightlight? Additionally, have you looked into weighted blankets?  

[Aeiou]

Thank you for checking in @Gazza75  and @Ali11 

I did survive the night and didn't do too much damage with my coping strategies.

Ali I have a night light I use when I'm not alone at home. When I'm alone I want to hide and not be found, so I turn all the lights off and hide under my doona, a huge fluffy one, so people could think there was no one in bed. I try not to breathe. I tried various things to calm down yesterday, meditation, breathing, but I hyperventilate when I try that. So I hid under the doona and waited for the meds to kick in. Thankfully the first time I woke up, they were home. I didn't have a panic attack, so that's a bonus. I hate being alone at night and I am so scared to sleep. I've been like that all my life.

On a positive, planning what I wanted to watch on tv, getting some nibbles to spoil myself and chatting on here at the Friday Feast, really helped.

[Ali11]

Sounds like you had a great plan to get you through the night @Aeiou, you should be proud of yourself!