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Former-Member
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Conversations in the ‘real world’

Hello everyone,

 

I am sure I am not the only one who struggles with this, so I thought I’d start a threat where we can all share our experience. I’ve become quite a hermit in the past few years, got worse after losing job, friends... and I’ve isolated myself even more after I attempted suicide last year. 

I understand from therapy and looking at my life ‘before’ that social connections are really important to me. But what do I have left to say? I’m in admission right now, so there are questions: What happened that you had to go back to clinic? Wanted to commit suicide.

Or questions in social settings:

Do you work? Yes, I’ve got therapy 3 times a week, that keeps me pretty busy.

What do you do with all your free time? Negotiate endlessly whether I should turn in bed to look at the wall, the ceiling or outside the window, or close my eyes. 

Whats wrong with you that you can’t work? I’m messed up in the head.

There are just some crude Q&A to get the conversation started. I’m sure I’m not the only one. People work, have kids, a home, a family, friends, I used to have that. Now I don’t have answers for small talk and it makes it really hard as on the one hand I don’t want to just deflect questions, answer in a comical way, but I also don’t want to dive in too deep because I’ve been hurt so much now by people who don’t get it.

 

How much do you disclose? How do you explain your invisible disability? How do you explain the ups and downs, admissions, emergencies? How do you find people and start conversations that could make them a friend?

 

Would really love to hear from you x

1 REPLY 1

Re: Conversations in the ‘real world’

Hi @Former-Member . I struggle with it immensely as well. I haven’t any answers though. I hate the 'what do you do?'....assumption is work. Like you my weeks are filled with mh appointments. 

 

As of really recently ive just been brave enough to make a friend irl. She also has complex mh issues. It is working out pretty well. There is so much that doesn’t need to be said because there is an understanding of mh. I enjoy her positivity and we laugh quite a bit. We connected over similar hobbies and have discovered we lots in common but also lots of differences and I really find that interesting. I met her through a mh group I attend.

 

I’m not sure how I would go 'in the real world' with those awkward questions. For the first time I think the real world is a bit of a mythical place. My first thought after reading your post is that people who ask some of those questions are either ignorant or close minded. If ignorant then there is an opportunity educate them by carefully telling them a short version of your experiences but then return the conversation to things in common. I had a lot of anger and rage at those horrible first questions when you first meet someone. It would always reduce me to shame.

 

I am hoping to get out of my bubble further and join some 'real world' activities where I’ll be asked those questions and I’m hoping (praying) that I’ll be able to say that I have some complex mh issues, then direct the convo back to the things in common..... even if at a gathering it’s just asking how you ask how they know the host.  I think I’ve been pretty inspired by Jacinda Ardern and the way she unites people rather than look at the differences. Maybe it’s more about finding the things that are real to us. 

 

I think i ended up going a bit deep but that is where my head is at today :face_with_rolling_eyes:. 

Best wishes. 

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