Skip to main content
Illustration of people sitting and standing

New here?

Chat with other people who 'Get it'

with health professionals in the background to make sure everything is safe and supportive.

Register

Have an account?
Login

cancel
Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 

Something’s not right

shubu000
New Contributor

Communication breakdown

hi all

first time posting, i've considering joining and posting for a while now and i guess the situation finally reached a point where i have to do this.

 

My wife has been diagnosed with OCD for a few years now.

her biggest issue is with safety either her safety or worse, the safety of a potential child/visitor

 

She had been on mild anti-depressants before.

She stopped earlier last year and things were fine, there were a lot of nervous energy and panic but we managed it together.

late last year before Christmas, or even before that maybe, i'm losing the sense of time, things took a turn.

Everything is perceived as a threat either because of covid19 or just in general for safety.

 

i had tried to help her challenge these intrusive thoughts, i even found scientific papers regarding how likely touching a covid infected surface would spread the virus, sidenote, there's next to no cases of it spreading so far via surfaces.

 

anyway our communication is breaking down more and more, she starts swearing at me and become quite aggresive, and i just told her that i can put up with a lot but not aggression.

now we are in a state of total silence, with a few breaks in between, we did manage to go on a trip during the holidays and that gave me glimpse of our time together earlier in the relationship/marriage.

we are now back on the radio silence.

 

in my desperation i talked about aspect of OCD and our strained marriage with friends (less than 5) and when she found out, it caused a new spout of aggression and hurt feelings. I understand this, as i also don't want our dirty laundry being aired out. But i trust the friends that i did tell, on the other hand she doesn't.

 

i started seeing a counsellor and he suggested that i should be able to interface with her GP and mental health care professional but i was never invited/allowed/had time to go with her, is this something that others had done?

he also thinks that some of her behaviours are quite controlling, is that common? or maybe i overreacted?

 

anyway i'm just quite sad about an increasingly likely separation, if that happens, on one hand, for me, it will good to not have to deal with the aggregation and inner turmoil, either when she doesn't talk to me or talk to me. However, we had many good years together and i was looking forward to more. i don't know how much affection we have for each other at the moment, but there is no third party and we used to get on well.

 

anyway, small observation, from looking around it appears that mostly the male partner is the one with OCD, not sure if there are suffering husband/male partners out there.

 

Also, thanks for reading this, I welcome all suggestions or shared lived experiences

3 REPLIES 3

Re: Communication breakdown

Im sorry that you are going through this. I am going through something similar and understand the deep sadness in having your partner disappear from your relationship. I don't have any real advice or anything I can say as comfort for you just now, just to say that I hear you and understand your pain.

 

I have been with my husband for decades, and for the last 15ish years he has suffered depression and anxiety that ebbs and flows. There have been good times of course, but the bad times are simply exhausting me and I am not sure if I can recover from this last cycle. We may separate this year. I too have spoken with few people about this, and feel very alone. This is my first post in any forum about it. I'm not sure what I am looking for here, or what support I could possibly get, but maybe just some relief in being able to talk about it?

 

I hope that you get some relief/support too.

Re: Communication breakdown

Just my two cents worth.

I don't have exact answer but stay optimistic. Hang in there. When your wife gets back on medication surely things could well improve. Then you may well be very glad that you stuck it out. Maybe go n see her dr yourself n discuss coping n then that dr can do something next time they see yr wife. Best wishes, Melly ( I am going to see my husband's dr this week regarding an aspect of his mental health i am currently having difficulty in coping with)

Re: Communication breakdown

I noticed that this thread very short and am not sure if either of these 2 contributers got any feedback from community guides??? 

@Darcy @Jupiter @Determined @shubu000 @Frankie33 or can moderators redirect to welcome for newcomers?

Illustration of people sitting and standing

New here?

Chat with other people who 'Get it'

with health professionals in the background to make sure everything is safe and supportive.

Register

Have an account?
Login

For urgent assistance: