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Senior Contributor

Cannot contain more sadness

This is a different feeling from depression. I don't feel with depression. I function somehow throughout the day. With depression I can't function.

 

My mind is exhausted. I was given a strict and urgent project deadline today. Before the deadline was mentioned, I had a dozen ideas for how to implement it. My brain immediately went blank after hearing the deadline.

I have 2 lives - an internal and an external. People that see my external self wouldn't recognise my internal self. I'm hidden in plain view now. I used to get noticed A LOT, but I'm invisible now because of my weight.

 

My partner became ANGRY at me this week when I mentioned how frustrated I was about going to the store to buy an essential item only to get home to see it was out of date. Zero empathy. All I wanted was him to say, "Oh, that sucks. Sorry to hear that." Instead he blamed me for going to that store instead of another store. Now I'm feeling like I have to justify why I went to that store to complete strangers. I had 3 very good reasons, but I'm too tired to explain them. 

5 REPLIES 5
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Re: Cannot contain more sadness

@BabyHowYaFeelin no need to justify why you went to shop A or shop B here.

 

My Mr Darcy has high functioning MI, during the day and with other people he often comes across as being so well but at night time when it is just the two of us he often cries and ruminates.

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Re: Cannot contain more sadness

Do you ever feel like you’re living a lie? That’s how I feel. I used to not be so high functioning, but I’ve finally started to be able to function well again.

Re: Cannot contain more sadness

Just be aware sadness and anger are related to depression in that sadness and anger are the healthy emotions projected outwards where as depression are the exsact same emotions but projected inwards and are unhealthy in that we try to hide these feelings and not express them, we deny them a path away from us so they sink deeper and deeper and become heavier and heavier until we can no longer ignore them as a problem and not dealing with them is no longer an option. I have always internalised my sadness and anger, believe me, your way is better. I wish you all the best and hope happiness shines on you soon.

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Re: Cannot contain more sadness

@BabyHowYaFeelin 

I have not asked Mr Darcy if he feels like he is living a lie, that is something I feel would be best discussed with a therapist. 

 

To be able to function a lot better is of course one of the goals of treatment, it is lovely that you have been able to achieve this.

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Re: Cannot contain more sadness

Hey @BabyHowYaFeelin,

It sounds like having a side of yourself that can function well makes you feel really isolated because people aren't seeing your internal self. I hope you've been able to share some of that here. 

How are you travelling at the moment? 🌻

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