08-07-2019 01:53 AM
Just wanting some suggestions.
I feel empty, emotionless, can’t think, I don’t feel like I’m with reality some days. Unable to gain energy and focus, but still able to show some signs of motivation and do daily tasks, cleaning and working etc.
I find when I have time to myself, I tend to get emotional and overthink to much. Sometimes I just stare into space without thinking, feeling and having no thoughts go through these tend to range for a few minutes.
On a typical day I might get these scenarios, having confidence of doing something, but a few minutes through thinking myself into a bad mood and not able to do what I was wanting to do, but later on in the day I get angry at myself, thinking I was just being dramatic and my whole emotion and personality changes.
A recent example:
I have someone in my life whom I’m not with but have been with in the past that is wanting a life with me. I do want the same, the fact is that we are long distance at the moment as I am away for 6 months. We have been through many ups and downs.
During the time of our conversation I was happy and trusting, all of a sudden I had a rush of emotion, turning anxious and weary, dreading and thinking the worst of the future. Basically wanting to disconnect from that person, with it passing a few minutes later on them calming me down via message.
Not with the same situation, but it tends to happen regularly with others, such as acquaintances, I become trusting of them, something triggers me and I feel the a rush of anxiety and with uncontrolled fear and emotions against them, getting angry at myself for letting my barrier down, later on in the day, returning to being happy again. It also sounds quite silly, but when I’m having a really great day, I reevaluate it during the night, and always wander what negativity is around the corner to destroy it, so my hopes go back down, of remaining positive.
I have been getting quite forgetful lately to, not remembering obvious things that I have done throughout the day, with others or notes reminding me of what I’ve done. I’ve seemed to blank out a lot of my past for certain reasons so I don’t know if this has any connection.
Is someone able to explain what I’m going through, with some suggestions on how to help?
08-07-2019 08:24 AM
hi @InWonderland_01 welcome to the forums.
I'm no mental health expert so can only guess at what you're experiencing based on my experience of mental illness.
Your mood changes might be borderline traits as us people with borderline traits have difficulty regulating emotions, expecially emotions about attachments to people. Or maybe your mood changes are due to depression and anxiety.
Your blanking out could be dissociation or, if you're like me, psychotic symptoms which make it very difficult for me to concentrate & connect to reality. My psychotic illness is caused by genes & chronic developmental trauma in my past so if you have a trauma background or genetic predisposition they may be contributing to your mental health right now.
The biggest help with my mental health has been finding the right psychiatrist, anti-psychotic medication has vastly improved my attachments to people, relationships and emotions towards people. But that's just what works for me, everyone is different in what helps their mental health & everyone repsonds differently to various treatments such as talking therapies or medication.
Have you pursued help to get a diagnosis & treatment, such as seeing a GP, psychologist or psychiatrist?
08-07-2019 11:43 AM
Thankyou for your response!
I have been diagnosed with BPD, from a few psychiatrists, with emotional detachment.
I have been put on medication, which is only a low dose, but my psychiatrist has evaluated this and said it will only help lightly. I am waiting for DBT treatment, but this will quite a long time away.
Just needing help while waiting for this, do you have any suggestions?
09-07-2019 10:06 PM
welcome to the forum! 😊
I generally don’t have all the things that you mention much but have read and talked to others who have experienced it.
I can identify with moods changing at the drop of a hat and turning a good day into a bad one by overthinking it when I’m lying in bed replaying every part in my head. I often say I have 7 seasons in one day. Just lately I’ve done that 'blanking out ' as you’ve described. One day I lost an hour sitting on the side of my bed. I couldn’t remember thinking about anything or where the time went. Just recently I’ve experienced it again. For me I think it’s about huge stress and my brain just switches off without me knowing.
I don’t have a full diagnosis of BPD but have some traits. I’ve done DBT before and it has some helpful strategies.
Im not sure how much you’ve read or googled about BPD. There are some good resources out there and more coming all the time now.
There are some good SANE facts sheets here if you are interested.
There are some YouTube videos that may be helpful as well. Kati Morton has quite a few on BPD and DBT as well.
I wish you all the best and hope other members can share their experiences with you too. 😊
09-07-2019 06:23 AM
hi @InWonderland_01 sorry I don't have any suggestions for you as medication is my main strategy as well as avoiding/minimising external stressors (stressful people). There are quite a few people here on the forum who have done DBT or are waiting to do it so they might be able to help you... @outlander can you think of anyone in the same boat or who could help out?
10-07-2019 07:48 PM
hi @InWonderland_01 and welcome to you. i see youve already met some members and i hope their responses are helpful.
I have BPD as well and struggle with much of the emotional side of thing, generally i either feel everything or i feel nothing sort of thing and unfotunatly i still have a lot to learn and work on in that department.
this part "Sometimes I just stare into space without thinking, feeling and having no thoughts go through these tend to range for a few minutes." and "I’ve seemed to blank out a lot of my past for certain reasons so I don’t know if this has any connection."
sounds alot like dissociation. Its something that happens to me and i know many others (including those who dont have bpd as well) as it almost like the brains way of trying to cope. do you think this might be the same for you as well?
i have many coping strategies that i can share with you along with these threads Coping Box and Got a coping strategy that you find good? Share it here that have quite a few strategies.
we also have a DBT thread where other members im sure could help you as well and can be found here Let's do Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT)
10-07-2019 08:54 PM
Hi @InWonderland_01 welcome 😊
i too have been diagnosed with BPD. My emotions can chsnge so many times during the day. I get triggered very easily. I’m on meds and see a psychologist fortnightly. I know that it’s hard to get into dbt in some areas and there’s a long wait.
Blanking out - yes I’ve done that before. I think it’s dissociation. I do this when very stressed.
I have a coping box - music books photos etc. they all hrlp me most times when distressed.
10-07-2019 10:22 PM
Welcome to the forums @InWonderland_01 and thanks for sharing your journey with us. You've joined a lovely community of people. You're not alone in having those feelings of connection with people and then anxiety about how strong that connection is not long after. The wait for DBT can be a lengthy one for some people, and while we don't have any specific advice for you, this audio book has been recommended for people who are feeling anxious or unsure about their friendships or relationships https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lyWpgatwFvo. Look forward to seeing you around some of the threads
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