Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[SimpleAsThis]

I spend most of my time in 'Lived Experience' but feel I might be able to write something useful here.

I've read a few stories about the impact drugs can have on a relationship - I've also watched my friends and also myself suffer because of substance abuse.

In my opinion a relationship should have a strong foundation built on friendship and acceptance - sadly I think I may be the only one?
Most of the time, if drugs and substance abuse start to affect a relationship, it's too little too late.

If you truly love a person, you accept the responsibility of being there for them through all life's challenges - drugs included.
Your job as a partner is to be there for your other half and carry burdens together (within reason).

If your loved one doesn't feel they can rely on you to not only to listen and care, but to remain unjudgemental and strong - they will stay silent...
If they do confide in you, don't freak out straight up cause you'll only make them regret being honest - which will make them hide what they're doing.
Be open and ask questions (why are they using; how often; with who etc.); listen and try to see in from a different perspective; establish boundaries and take some time for yourself to process everything.

Don't try to be a psychologist. Don't think you know better after reading countless pages of mediocre FAQs. Don't give them an ultimatum. Don't betray their confidence and trust by telling friends and family.

But all that being said - you cannot change a person no matter how much you love them and you yourself should never settle for less. At least you tried...

[Appleblossom]

@SimpleAsThis

I really liked the titale of this thread and was surprised nobody replied.

I see approachability as important on different levels.

i) physically re interpersonal contact and body language

ii) re discussion about life issues.

I guess you mentioned substance abuse and some people jump a mile high when they see that.

I thought you were trying to have responsible conversation about it rather than people clamping down or freezing you off.

I have also lost people to substance abuse. I have not taken drugs or associated with known drugtakers (except exhusband) for over 30 years, but still get a hard time over it. Hey there was nobody for me to talk to and friendly face with a joint went a long way to breaking my isolation as a kid. I dont think it is a great idea to take illicit substances but am personally bummed off that I feel forced to take legal pills so that I can feel appropriate as a grown up, but that is my choice, now. When I am levelled out I will stop giving big pharma a portion of my pension and spend it on something more fun and LEGAL Yay.

On a serious note.  I am pretty responsible in my community but I am shocked at how polarised this discussion gets.  It does not help young people navigate the world and I think you are totally right .. Approachability is a big part of the answer.

cheers