Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[sisterinneed]

I've just found out that my brother is an ice addict. I'm extremely concerned about the safety of my parents and his 6 year old son. They all live together.  I suspected this about 2 years ago but he has gotten progressively worse and violent. My mother lies to me about what is really happening in the house so I thought he was depressed or had bipolar. I have not had contact with him for about a year due to his constant verbal abuse of me & my family. The police are aware of his outbursts

Apparently my mother has had advice that he has at a stage where anything can tip him over the edge. I want to ring him to tell him I love him but I'm scared that it will tip him over the edge & cause him to have another outburst. He absolutely hates me.  I am not sure what I did for him to hate me so much but he does.

So my question is  - should I contact him? Would it make matters better or worse?

I desperately need to know how to handle this and not cause more angst.

Thank you

[Former-Member]

Hi @sisterinneed, welcome to the forum. Great to see you connecting. I'm sorry to hear that you and your family are going through such a challenging time and seeing someone that you love behaving in a way that probably doesn't fit with the person you know (?).

It would be great to hear what other people have found useful in supporting people that may or may not want support. I know that @Spana29 has talked about this challenge as have others in respect to relationships with mothers, brothers and sisters @Jo, @Louise. Not sure if you have had a chance to read these posts.

You asked a question that I don't really feel I can answer for you, other than to say that I don't think there is any 'right' decision here. To contact someone to say you love them sounds like a positive step to me. I would only add to be mindful of managing any expectations you might have about what might come out of the contact...

[Altogether]

Hi @sisterinneed,

What a difficult situation. 😞 I hope there is someone here who can give you some advice. Would writing to him be a 'safer' option? I can understand your need to reach out but also your concern about 'tipping' him. Hugs to you, sounds so difficult. x

[Former-Member]

Hi @sisterinneed 

I was also thinking about a couple of resources you may or may not be aware of (?).

You might also find talking to a drug and alcohol counsellor helpful. There's a free national 24/7 hours service, Directline, where you can speak to a professional counsellor on 1800 888 236 or there's a nationwide helpline for families who have a member affected by a drug and/or alcohol issue. It's called family drug helpline, 1300 668 068 (24/7).

They also have a wesbite with loads of info, including a section specifically for siblings . Just click on this http://www.familydrughelp.com.au/

Plus there was also a number of really interesting discussions in topic Tuesday about caring for someone who has a drug addiction like @hobbit ‘s suggestion of Nar-anon for family members and @bigsister

[Louise]

Hi @sisterinneed and welcome to the forums. Sounds like you are going through a very worrying time! It definitely sounds like your brother and parents and nephew will be needing help. They are lucky that you care about them all. If you are not sure about ringing your brother I agree that writing to him instead could be a safer option. I hope and pray things improve soon for the whole household.

[sisterinneed]

I hope this reply gets to everyone. I really really appreciate your support and advice. i cannot tell you how much it has helped. I know that myelf and my family are not alone. Thank you xxx