Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Puzzled]

When you try to have discussion about relationship but partner won't talk.  Then if you push for answers your partner threatens suicide.  How do you deal with that?  What are things you should or shouldn't say or do?  They are seeing a counselor.  Only ever threatened, not attempted.  

[Former-Member]

Hi @Puzzled 

I am not qualified to say much.

I suggest "pushing for answers" will not work and may frustrate the situation.

It appears they do not want to answer.

Pushing an answer may result in a bad or incorrect answer that may escalate things.

Maybe ask and wait. If no answer, maybe accept that.

Some do not like too many questions even though you want answers.

[Determined]

Hi @Puzzled  and welcome.

This is a difficult and often lonely road to walk l, it has been my journey for the last 20+ years. 

is a hard question to answer. And will/may vary for different people.

I used to vary my response based on accessed risk (by my assessment). That becomes very draining though. I have discovered that for us, a consistent approach has resulted in less threats. I now take every threat seriously. We have boundaries around acceptable communication. Threats of self harm are not ok. 

Very hard to achieve but, again for us, not getting emotional in the response has helped. It almost became some sort of payback knowing it would hurt me.

Having a boundary of call the Dr or if I think the risk is high  enough hospital without emotion. That consistency creates security for our loved ones. 

And as @Former-Member  mentioned, pressing for an answer, as frustrating as non communication is, often makes things worse. 

Hope that helps.

[Owlunar]

Hi @Puzzled 

First I would like to welcome you to the forum - hopefully you can find some help here,

My ex wouldn't talk much - I know now I never knew him - I also know that when a partner won't talk - the "silent treatment" is a form of abuse - esp when suicide is threatened.

I have a good idea how hard this is for you - my son was attempting suicide and though I didn't understand it at the time - he had suicide ideation - he was a teenager and wouldn't talk about it. So yes - what can you do? Do you think your partner is manipulating you or do you think they are genuine?

It's a hard call.

My opinion is that if a person makes such a threat then they lose any confidentiality they might imagine they have - if you feel this is serious - a real threat - then perhaps talking to a GP is a place to start. You need not carry this on your own and I am glad you have posted to us today.

We will support you here - which is all we can do as a peer support group - we care - and we will sit with you - stand with you - listen and add what we can to the conversation. You need not go through this alone.

Best thoughts and please post again

Owlunar