Lived Experience Forum

[LAM]

I find that when my sense of loss and grief are strong that it is a challenge to be with other people. I tend to withdraw and don't want to be with people much, apart from my own family.

[BD]

I'm exactly the same. I withdraw totally sometimes . I Stay at home, don't answer the phone. Probably the worst thing to do but it's hard sometimes to break the pattern. Try push through and perhaps start with something small like catching up for a coffee with a close friend and just keep the conversation fun. It will often help pick the mood up.

[sazzarocks]

I agree I do the same when I get really down.. but then I know that I have to get out and see people because it always makes me feel better and pulls me out of my slump. Some days are harder than others but my friends know if I go down, I will  be back up sooner than I have in the past and will be reaching out to them. I always feel better after speaking or being with my friends. I am forever grateful for their continuing friendship after the loss of my (only child) son.

[LAM]

I know what you mean about being with good friends and how their company can help ease your pain.

I have found being in groups for other bereaved parents has helped ease the sense of loneliness of grief too-being in a place where you can talk about the child you have lost is great.

I hope you are having some good moments in your day today.

Take care

[Frog22]

The Compassionate Friends organisation, has been so great for me.  They normalised my grief.  People there in the groups helped me to see that I wasn't going crazy, that they too felt similar feelings to mine.  Everyone is different too and everyone grieves differently, but being with people who know what it is like to have a child die was something that really saved me.  It is hard to be around people who don't know, there is always the awkwardness and the fear of what they might say.  People can be so hurtful sometimes and I guess thats why people are awkward, they don't want to say the wrong thing.  There is no easy solution.  I find now, its meeting new people that is the most difficult.  People who don't know what has happened.  The first question they ask is "how many children do you have?".  Finding the right answer for each particular person is tricky.  And so it is hard to get back into life.  Living involves meeting new people and doing new things.  Is it easier just to hide away in the comforts of your own home? or do we owe it to our kid who has died to really get out there and live?

[sazzarocks]

Hi Frog22,

Totally agree that the Compassionate Friends are literally a lifesaver organization. I contacted them early on in my grief journey and they just let me talk and talk. I  borrowed books and also have attended a Grieve and Heal weekend which was lifesaving. No there is no easy answer or solution to living on without your precious style.. Yes new people always ask the awkward question but I am used to answering now. I always reply "I have one son, but he passed away two years ago". It will either silence them or they will ask me more about him which I am always happy to do. I feel we do owe it to our kids to not hide away but to go out and truly live our lives to the fullest. They would not want us moping around forever. It would be wasting your precious gift of this life.