Lived Experience Forum

[Exoplanet]

Getting a little nervous. My Daughter could arrive anytime from now, though I don't really expect her for another hour or so. She didn't leave her place until after 12 & I know it takes me 4&1/2 hours, but I avoid the city so my route is a little longer. My Daughters initial reaction was a lot stronger than my Sister's, she has also said a few things that hurt a little. I know it all came from shock & probably because she knows me better than anyone, she knows how I think, my beliefs & opinions. I know her reactions are coming from a loving place. I truely believe she will feel better having come to visit me, I'm sure she knows most people visit their Mothers. 

[Sophia1]

Hello @Exoplanet 

Once again I do not know how to start..

I want you to know that I am still here for you even when silent..

Sharing your time with your sister and then relating the experiences that you had was an incredible read..

times of pure love..

If your daughter has arrived I wish you special loving moments ..trust in yourself..

Stay in the moment as much as you can..

You continue to talk about your true wishes as the feelings arise and You have a voice here....

You are strong..

Thank you as always for allowing us to follow your journey with you..

You are helping more people than you realise..

sending you much love

Sophia💜

[Appleblossom]

Thinking of you @Exoplanet 

[greenpea]

@Exoplanet  Hi Exoplanet just my checkin call to see if you are going alright. I know you recently had your sister come to stay. I hope it went well for you. If you have got a minute and am up for it just let the pea and everyone know that you are okay. Love greenpeaxxx

[Exoplanet]

My Daughter has visited me !!! 🙂 She didn't arrive until later in the afternoon, so we didn't go into town or to any local spots. We chatted, I avoided the 'deep & meaningfuls', I just wanted her visit to be a nice visit . . . and it was  We ended up looking through photos, I've got an awful lot of them & we only got through about half of them, if that - but it was midnight & we went to bed. She'd brought some gluten free noodles in a cup {she has been diagnosed Celiac}, I'll be looking out for them in the grocery store, they're soooooo easy! She didn't send me a text to say she'd gotten home, even after I sent one to check . . . . but it is a long trip & I'm thinking she was just too tired when she got back. I think we did manage to mend the bridge that broke when we had a falling out a couple of years back - all of that just melted away  She was even talking about the 'next visit'! Whether that happens or not, this visit was vitally important to me. I feel (it might sound a little dramatic} fulfilled. I still feel really quite positive and 'good' about my situation, I know I'm still reacting to a shock, but I'm happy to feel this way for as long as I can. For decades I have believed anything that makes you feel good, really good inside your own processes of thoughts, is good 🙂 It's all good 

She didn't sleep well, she's been struggling a lot with sleep since I told her, she has always struggled with sleep. She also suffers anxiety, depression & I believe anorexia and has had alcohol & drug problems; she dissociates {blurs} in her own individual way & I think she may even have a 'title' that concerns schizophrenia. I'm glad she is seeing a professional to help her with her individual thought processes, though I know she often isn't able to make the appointments. Her life is so busy and so full of stress - but it is her life and I'm proud of how she's living and making her own decisions and choices.  

She made an appointment at my Doctors for me, she'd done this before her visit. Thing is I'm not sure if the Doctor is even back yet. I asked her, when she was leaving, 'if I didn't hear otherwise from her, should I just assume the appointment & go', She said that they would ring her & her me, but if I'm to make the appointment {she made it in the morning, which isn't my norm, I usually ask for an afternoon one as it takes the best part of an hour for me to get there} I need to get dressed & go. 

So, I'd better at least do the 'get dressed' bit, then I might send her another text {I hope I don't wake her}. It's a bit of a trip without a reason, but I can go & look for those noodles at the Woolies that's in that little town 🙂

Love to all that need or want it 

[eth]

Love to you too @Exoplanet   So glad to hear your visit from your daughter was enjoyable.  Hope your appointment today goes as well as you hope.  take care xx

[Sophia1]

Hello @Exoplanet 

What an incredible week this has been for you..

Finding such loving support from your family and their making the effort to come to you is so heartwarming..

I know that you had reservations and still have some reservations in regard to them..

Natural responses I believe..

We cannot undo all of the pain from our memories of the past after one visit...

We can decide how we choose to feel and what we decide to work at letting go of..

Families ...hmmm..

Your daughter having her own struggles with her mind and possibly not receiving any therapy?  All adds to the cocktail of life's struggles..

What stands out to me most importantly is ....YOu...oops one of my cat's leaning on keyboard...tail wagging furiously as wants me to pay attention to him and not computer....

You are dealing with everything in a manner that is your choice...staying true to your inner self..

Again you inspire me...

Be gentle with yourself for a while now....all of that leading up anxiety and then possibly surreal times and experiences to a certain degree would have taken up so much of your energy...

time out with nature would be my next step..

Respond when you need to...when it helps you...we will all be with you regardless...💜

[outlander]

❤ @Exoplanet what a nice visit you had. Your post gave me lots of 🙂

[outlander]

@Exoplanet 💚💛💚💛💚

[Exoplanet]

I have a lot more contact/communication back in my life now. My Daughter calls just about every night, like it was before a falling out we had 🙂 One of my Sisters is also contacting me through calls & text quite often, which is how it was a few years ago, when for a couple of years she helped me with centrelink. I have one other Sister, who I haven't had much contact with for many years, over a decade maybe closer to 2. That Sister was like a best friend, for the first few decades of my life. I'm grateful that I had that in my life & I think it was because we'd had such close contact for so long, that when we did have really strong differences in opions & beliefs, I chose to put a great distance between us. It was to lessen the stress I felt, that I still feel today, my other Sister also put distance between herself & the estranged Sister. So it's awkward. I know my decision to put distance between us, affected both of us. Everything we do & say affects everyone & everything around us. We are extremely complicated creatures. It seems my estranged Sister accidently sent a text to my other Sister, that was intended for someone else; my other Sister rang me last night & told me about the text, she seemed stressed, upset perhaps . . . it felt like she was asking me what to do about it, I felt very 'put on the spot'. I think I said something like 'why don't you send a text asking if the message was intended for you, answer what was put in in - say what you want to say'; then I reminded her that I did intend to go & visit my estranged Sister, that I had asked for her support to visit with me when I did & suggested she asked when my estranged Sister was going to return from holidays {she's away from her home at the moment} & ask when a good time to visit might be. I haven't heard if there has been any other communications between them, I am feeling a little stress due to what I've already heard. My estranged Sister is the one who immediately told my other Sister she had to get authority over my health directive, she is the reason I have already filled out an advanced health directive with my Doctor, that we have both signed & a copy is at my Doctors. It is awkward, it is difficult. I have already found myself feeling that I am not able to consider myself because everybody else is requiring so much consideration. 

Surviving is a basic instinct, of course I'm scared, but the thing is I've had difficulty with that instinct most of my life. I have not particularly wanted to continue living for many years, decades. Just as finding a mate & seeking out companionship is an instinct, another that I have had difficulty with most of my life & have not been successful with. Personally I think my individual thought process concerning stress is another thing I have great difficulty with & takes me a long time. These things are all a part of who I am, what it is to live my life. I am afraid of the probability that I will lose my ability to live independantly before I end. I am afraid that someone in my life will try to use thier knowledge of my being on a disability pension for mental health issues, to prove I am unable to understand my current health conditions or the possible outcomes of my decisions about what treatment I do or don't constent to. It feels like this new contact I have in my life is already causing me stress, it's getting harder to focus on the positive things involved. I have a limited time, I don't think it's entirely natural to know that at this point in my life, considering I don't have noticable discomfort. I want to focus on positive experiences, thoughts & feelings. I feels like no one else is really considering what I want.

Rave over!