Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[sybill07]

hi

been a few months. you know how it is - one step forward, three steps back...

it's been going much more positively, and i  made the mistake of starting to feel 'normal' again.

until today's setback.

which i'm trying to view as positive, but it is frustrating. and concerning.

so husband was placed with a support employment agency, and they found him work quite quickly (possibly too quickly) so he went and tried it.

it seemed to be going well, though it was hard. i was happy as it was giving him something to do and bringing in a bit of money, but i was aware that he was struggling physically.

what i didn't realise is he was struggling mentally as well. because i'm not there at his work. i can't be there. i have to rely on feedback and the support network who go in to check on him (thank goodness!!). And it struck me that all the pain of trying to apply for dsp and dealing with centrelink is worth it. totally validated my belief that he needed support. if this had happened in a 'normal' job environment, he would have been sacked. it appears that the things that i'm noticing here at home and have been concerned about are also happening in the work place. slow. forgetful. unfinished tasks. not laziness, just a lack of a connection or joining the dots of a task.

so after I banished all thoughts of 'he's never going to be well or work again', i've tried to focus on the positives.

we can present this to dsp as further proof of his difficulties. his hours will be reasessed and his tasks etc. he is in a supportive environment with the proper support structure in place for just this sort of thing. it will help them to really understand what is going on. we can go to the pysch to discuss.

what i am trying not to think about at this stage is the whole 'will he ever be back to who he was' thing.

And trying to keep upbeat and positive (you know) while inside your heart is breaking.

I remember reading about Wallis Simpson and how she felt the strain of having to be everything to the man who had just abdicated as king. I sometimes feel that way - having the weight of being positive and the gilder of every pleasure as well as being responsible for his safety and well being.

and i really worry - we have the centrelink dr assessment next week. and with all this strong liberal talk about 'getting the undeserving off welfare' or whatever, will he as a seemingly high functioning person be rejected? when in actual fact he is really struggling? how can we make the gov understand that in their attempt to be strong for uneducated voters, they're actually causing grief and damage among people who need help!!

i know a lot of us have these thoughts. I don't know what to say to comfort myself, or anyone else, except that i will keep fighting for my husband and his welfare. It isn't his fault that this mental illness happened to him, and I will not allow him to be a victim. and i refuse to give in to those who think that mental illness isn't that big a deal or whatever the uneducated idiots think. i wouldn't wish this experience on my worst enemy.

huge supportive vibes to you all out there - the unsung brave souls who battle this daily. and here's to greater transparency, fairness and understanding among our fellow australians!!

[NikNik]

Hi @sybill07

You've done an amazing job of making sense of this all and putting it into perspective. The fact you have a plan for 'what next' is excellent too. It must be frustrating, I remember you saying in another thread that you knew your husband couldn't handle full time. Did they end up putting in fulltime or did they listen to you and do part time?

Was there any elements of the job your husband liked? 

As you have mentioned - it's just not worth the psychological distress.

I hope your husband is doing okay with all of this. 

And as we always say - I hope you're looking after yourself too 🙂

You mentioned last time that you had a difficult time with centrelink going through the DSP process. I hope it's not as full on this time.

Are there any community organisations that can assist with this? I know the government is funding some community based MH orgs to work with people on the NDIS - but it's in different stages in different areas. 

Worth looking up though. Might be worth starting with finding your local Primary Health Network or Partners In Recovery (both can be googled - but include your area/ suburb). They might be able to assist (assuming you haven't tapped into them already?)

Sorry to throw so many questions at you! Hope you're having a peaceful Friday night.

[CherryBomb]

Hi @sybill07,

Just checking in - how are things with you and hubby? I hope work and sorting out his DSP hasn't been too stressful.

Let us know how you're doing. Thinking of you.