Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Shaz51]

thank you so much and the specialist wants my husband to have a sleep apnea test done too , so i think that is our next step st the moment

[Shaz51]

also the specialist want to do something about my husband`s moods on tuesday , so hope it all goes well

[NikNik]

I can relate to what you have said @Appleblossom

When you have your own business, you can blur the boundaries of a start and finish time.. even just having the office in the house can be distracting and anxiety provoking.

Great tips

I hope you have a great weekend away @Shaz51

Keep on checking in - we're here if you need us!

[Shaz51]

thankyou, it means soo much to me , you have a great weekend too

[Shaz51]

Hi everyone , thank you @Appleblossom , thank you for your tips , My husband changes his mind everyday  about everything so I think about the things he has said thinking that he will change his mind again after , some of them i let them slide , others i will asked him  about them again but he has forgotten and cant remember what he said .

Now the other doctor has said that my husband has major Depression , everything works very slowly up here , one doctor said to take time off while the other said no, he needs something to do .

The last few days have had a few hicups , today My husband has gone to bed for the day -- he doesn`t know which is worse -- feeling anxious all the time or taking tablets and feeling tired all the time .

[NikNik]

Hi @Shaz51

It can be so overwhelming when you get conflicting messages (ie: work vs don't work). What I find works well in these instances is ask the question of WHY that is a good idea. Once you understand the reasoning behind it, you and your husband may be able to make a judgement on the best option for you both.

Medication is a tricky one. The side effect can be unpleasant. Did the Dr say if tiredness would be a side effect and if so how long this might last?

There's so many variables with medications, so keep a diary of some sort of the things you notice with your husband... and if wants to keep a journal too, that would be helpful to compare.

I have seen one member in the Forums suggest that the diary doesn't need to extensive, it could just be a mood rating from 1-10 each day and use it to reflect on when visiting the dr.

I think it was @Appleblossom who mentioned the importance of self care. Self care is different for everyone - it could be spending time with others and recharging, it could be engaging in a hobby that brings joy or it could be more formal mechanisms of self care, like speaking to a counsellor. I hope you're able to get some respite - It is obviously a really stressful situation to be in and sometimes it's really hard to remove yourself to take care of yourself, but you gotta do it.

[Shaz51]

thank you NikNik         ,    we are writting in the diary for our next doctor`s visit on monday 21 st          , after having the day off today , we had a great talk tonight with a plan in mind , so to see if we can keep it in place , will be good . yes I will have to look at looking after myself a bit more -- like my husband said to me today -- If I am happy , he is happy

[Appleblossom]

Mutual happiness certainly helps. So does some direction for hubby. Good luck at appointment.

[Shaz51]

Hi Appleblossom ,    that`s what we need,   some direction for hubby  and for myself ,

[Janna]

Hi,

Ive just read over your posts and want to add a few things.  

I'm only going by my experience here so please don't use this as being the bible on what to do and what not to do.  Look upon it as information that could or may help.

I understand that your husband is suffering from a debilitating anxiety/depression that is interferring with your life as you know it.  

if I were to recommend anything in your given circumstance I would suggest socializing and if he is unwilling, unable and unmotivated to do this, you need to bring it to him.  If it is at all possible invite friends over that will engage him in something other than work.  Sometimes people who feel so low forget what it's like to feel good and a reminder of that can work wonders in activating that "feel good" stuff.  Even though he may say (and probably will) that he's not up to it, and doesn't feel like it, etc.  I would still plough forward and do it.  I'm using my son as my guide here.  He's so negative and not into any suggestion I make and yet when I override him and place him in a positition that is positive (e.g. meeting up with friends) he changes and enjoys every minute of their company.  

The other thing I want to emphasize is that managing depressed/anxious and mentally ill individuals is often a team effort in which you have to get support from every available resource known to man.  Don't be hesitant or fearful to reach out for upport and gather your army.  This forum is one of those supports and I encourage you to continue posting along with seeking support within your local community.  Connecting with people who "get it" is invaluable.

I don't have any other words to offer but hope that you find solace in knowing that there are people out there that are listening and hear every word that you say.

Janna