Hi Forum Friends ,Indecision is hard to deal with when its your head and heart at battle with eachother in short Im very emotional type of person and mostly base decisions on feelings although sometimes on facts too,anyway the last few days I have family members give lots of advice /messages regarding my personal life and yes even straight out truth which I dont take well from them at times,also yesterday and probly the day before I was a bit sooky and argumentive about families advice and my own thoughts and emotions that came to the surface,besides that I felt the usual need to run although of course you cant run from yourself ,the conflict between wanting whats emotionally/romantically bad for me and feeling bad cause the family values Id be throwing away for short term gain or fun,so badly wanted to argue the point with someone about this mainly my father,the fact he raised me so well and my current want to throw that away though to be reckless,my father passed away quite a few years ago,so I cant have an all out arguement with him about family values and the proper way for me to meet men verses how I want to meet men.anyway moving on Ive pretty much aired emotional dirty laundry to a select few in my family,which I can see is upsetting them cause I go from wanting to talk to them but at the same time I dont listen to well to anyone so then I of course run from their advice and just run in general anyway Ive been out driving quite alot in the last few days cause of the need to run or get out but no I cant run from family or myself,anyway now Ive been out so much and talking so much and family members keep messaging so much,ok I get that their worried,but now im maybe talked oout or need some time alone again,maybe now Ill stay home for a few days instead maybe the running from place to place and driving off each time is a way I try to be alone to self soothe when in a sooky mood/teary,anyway Im more settled today so need a bit of space from family and the online date to just figure myself out and where Im at with just life in general,I need to stand still for a bit and also calm down a bit as I think my behaviour has affected relationships with my family members ,pluss I got angry yesterday and just about wanted family to sorry to say but to f#3k off so Id sort of rather be a bit withdrawn for now. my next counselling appointment is about a week or so away. I geuss Ive just had enough of having to answers familiy members concerned questions about what Im doing where Im going and who Im seeing ect,it doesnt help matters that the guy I like tried to harm himself the other night which ment I had to call tripple zero ect and talk to police ect so they did a wellfare check on him that was stressfull to deal with. but then when I told family there worried that hes bad for me and that hes emotionally blackmailing me ect.anyway I have to have time to myself for now.
