Skip to main content
Illustration of people sitting and standing

New here?

Chat with other people who 'Get it'

with health professionals in the background to make sure everything is safe and supportive.

Register

Have an account?
Login

cancel
Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 

Our stories

AACC
Casual Contributor

problems with grandmother

hey guys,

I´ve been feeling really bad and I need to vent. This is about my grandmother, as you can see from the title. Well, currently, she, me , my dad, mother and brother are living together because my grandmother´s husband died last year and we´re all she has. 

the problem is : she has dementia , or at least that´s what her doctor says. 

Some years ago she had a mental breakdown and since then she has been on medication  ( she never received approppriate treatment and that´s why we´re in this situation now) .

So , like I said , she has been suffering from mental disorders for some time now and because of that her husband, before dying, said she could NEVER be taken off  medication because It could get worse and then we wouldn´t be able to handle her. 

well , she was never in a situation where her doctor even dreamed of taking her off medication... not until now . For some reason (unknown to me because I don´t go with her to the appointments) her doctor decided she should give up on medication , even though my mom told her that this probably wouldn´t be a good idea. 

Ok, so she went off medication and now , omg , we really cannot handle her anymore , this is crazy, everyone is stressed in this house, my mom is always sad and disappointed with herself, my dad is stressed all the time , my brother is also stressed and me , well , I feel like crying when I have to go home , I just can´t live in the same roof as her anymore... I´m only 17 , I Shouldn´t be going through this , I should be happy to go home , I should be able to live a "normal" life , I can´t do this anymore . 

My grandmother is ALWAYS cleaning, she wakes up at 9am and cleans until 0:00am , the other night my mom caught her scrubbing the floor at 1 am ....she  only stops for lunch and for dinner and even then she is talking and thinking about what she´s going to clean next, sometimes she even decides to start cleaning while the rest of the family is having lunch or dinner... It drives us mad because sometimes we´re eating and she is scrubbing the floor , there was this day when she only ate lunch at 3pm and she had an appointment with the doctor at 4pm , my mom kept telling her that they needed to go and that she needed to eat but my grandmother would just ignore or yell at my mom .That´s another thing, my mom is always telling her "mom, you need to rest, don´t you hear what the doctors tell you?", "mom, you need to eat, you are getting thinner and weaker" , "mom, you need to take your medication ,take It now or you´ll forget" but my grandmother just yells at her "I´ll take my medicine whenever I want to take It, you can´t tell me what to do , I´m tired of you" ; "I´ll eat whenever I want to , you can´t decide what I can or cannot do , you want me dead , you all want me dead" ; "I´m smarter than all of you , all this years I´ve been blind but now I´m better than ever , now I´m smart, you all want me dead so you can take all my money" ; " I don´t need you for anything , I´m better on my own , you don´t care about me , you should respect me more, I deserve respect , I want all my money back" .

When she is mad she also kicks doors, calls us names, yells at the top of her lungs and seems like she really is going to punch us... the other day she was so mad that she kept calling my mom "w**re, cow, bitch..." and yelling horrible things to her, It was terriffying , I´ve never seen someone act like this in all my life.

My mom cares so much for her , she takes her to the doctor appointments, she makes her food, she reminds her of the medication she needs to take , she helps her whenever she needs and my grandmother thinks that we want her dead and that we hate her.

This is just too much for me , I think I´m going crazy myself. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

14 REPLIES 14

Re: problems with grandmother

@AACC hi!!! Big huge för you first!! It's going to be ok. I'm glad you've reached out.. And I'm sure the senior contributors here will also welcome you. It seems that grandma going off meds is the main problem. This seems to be a a common and rather frustrating problem with MI. So, is there anyone who can take her back to the doctor? Usually a doctor can tell if shes erratic. Also can someone go in to the actual appointment with her to explain to the doctor? Alternatively could someone speak to the doctor separately about grandmas mental diterioration? Maybe go to another doctor for a second opinion? Who does she listen to or respect? That person could convince her to go back? The gp needs to know what's happening, and they may recommend taking her to a psychiatrist. Also sounds like your mum and perhaps everyone in the household needs some support on caring for someone with MI... What to expect, support, knowledge of illness etc. I think the links will get posted on here later.

Re: problems with grandmother

@AACC so about you now,... You must be so stressed! I can understand why. Can imagine that family is also just as stressed. Surprisingly people go through really stressful things during school years. Things like mental illness(MI) in family, parents divorcing, legal dramas, other illness. So whilst it feels like it shouldntbe happening to you, it sort of does for most people in some way. I think you've done the right thing by reaching out and I'd encourage you to keep doing that. Is there a school counsellor/family friend you could also talk to? A counsellor/gp can help with support people for your family and techniques for you to deal with things...eg taking a break from the stress and ways of thinking that help you cope mentally. Hang in there!

Re: problems with grandmother

Hey, thanks for replying... My mom does go in to the appointment with her and she already told the doctor about what's been happening to my grandmother. Today she went to an appointment and the doctor decided to put my grandmother on medication again, this time a new one, we're just afraid she won't take It because she says she's okay and nothing's wrong with her. She looks normal in front of other people which is so annoying because we know that as soon as she's alone with us It all starts again. I feel so bad, this is so stressful and hurtful... I hate to see my mom sad.
Former-Member
Not applicable

Re: problems with grandmother

Hello @AACC

Sounds like you are caught up in a mess at home which sounds really exhausting for everyone.  I am wondering if you have anything you like to do to give yourself a break from it all.  Is there a way you can escape from the mess and reset yourself?

Take care, MummaMia

Re: problems with grandmother

Hey ! yes, there are some things I enjoy doing and that take my mind off the issues I´m having at home. I like to spend time with my friends, when I´m with them I laugh and smile and have a really great time...the problem is when I have to go home again ... my smile fades and I feel a weight on me that I just can´t get rid of . I wish I had an apartment for myself,  this situation is not good  for my mental health  . I´m constantly afraid my grandmother will hurt us so I lock my bedroom door at night ... this is crazy , I never thought I would have to do this 😞 

I also like to listen to music , there is an artist in particular that makes me feel calm and that everything is going to be alright. 

That´s pretty much It... 

 

Former-Member
Not applicable

Re: problems with grandmother

Hello @AACC

Sounds tough to keep going back into that environment.  Have you tried talking to your parents about your safety concerns?

Have you tried some mindfullness apps?  They can help too, like Smiling Mind or Headspace.

Take care, MummaMia

Re: problems with grandmother

yeah, my mom was the one suggesting that we locked the doors for our own safety.

I´ve never heard about those apps but I´ll give it a go... thank you 🙂 

 

ok, so here I am again, today my grandmother was scrubbin...

ok, so here I am again, today my grandmother was scrubbing the floor of the bathroom but my mom noticed she was scrubbing something she wasn´t supposed to so she told my grandma that she needed to stop because she was not supposed to clean that corner ... what did my grandmother do ?? she continued doing what she was doing , completely ignoring what my mom told her ... when my dad saw what my grandmother was doing he also told her to stop but she kept ignoring him and he got mad , obviously ... they started arguing ,which then turned into her going outside ,screaming for the neighbors and yelling at the top of her lungs at my parents... this is so embarrassing , I´ve  never been this embarrassed in my whole life ... this is crazy , who does this ?? 

Then she went inside again and continued to scrub the floor, exactly in the same spot my parents had told her not to touch ... then she started mocking my dad and he was getting mad again but he kept calm and she started singing " nobody is taking me away from here , nobody nobody" ...  

I just don´t know what to do , I feel so bad everytime this happens , I´m tired of sharing this house with her 

 

Re: ok, so here I am again, today my grandmother was scrubbin...

Something just happened, my grandmother was still scrubbing the floor and there were people who wanted to use that bathroom but she was just stuck there cleaning and not letting anyone use It , my mother got mad and my grandmother also got mad and both of my parents started arguing with her, my mom told her that she needed to go and throwing away her clothes and my grandmother yelled out of the window that everyone wants her dead and that my dad wants all her money... now my mother and grandmother are screaming at each other and the things that my grandmother is saying at my mom ... honestly, you shouldn´t say that to your daughter , It´s cruel .... my grandmother talks like she hates my mom , like she wishes she wasn´t even alive... she is also telling lies , saying that my parents want her dead, that we want to take all of her money, that my dad doesn´t work and doesn´t give his family any money (?? like , my dad is the breadwinner and from the beginning he has been earning his own money and purchasing things for his family with HIS OWN money)  my mom also said that my grandmother´s sisters called her saying that lately my grandma has been talking like a crazy person, my grandmother denies that she is crazy, she says that my grandfather (who beat her, insulted her and called her crazy ) was a very good man, she says that my mom hates her even though you can clearly see she loves her mom ... 

I feel so bad for my mom, she tells me that lately she has been having nightmares and can´t sleep properly , that she is afraid of her own mother and that she has been feeling depressed... I don´t want my mom to suffer , I want her to be ok , I want this house to be peaceful again , I want things to return to normal .

 

Illustration of people sitting and standing

New here?

Chat with other people who 'Get it'

with health professionals in the background to make sure everything is safe and supportive.

Register

Have an account?
Login

For urgent assistance