Lived Experience Forum

[Flying_Hams]

Hey @saturnzoon
Take care today my friend

[eth]

Hi @saturnzoon  and @Razzle  sorry to hear life is such a battle for you both at this time.  Sending my warmest wishes and support to you both, just haven't a lot of words at the moment.  I agree with what @Zoe7  and @Faith-and-Hope  have said.

[BlueBay]

I feel really sad for both of you @saturnzoon @Razzle 

sending you both lots of loving hugs. ❤️❤️❤️❤️

[Owlunar]

Hi @BlueBay 

I am so sorry you had such a bad dream - they happen - I have studied some dream analysis and all I can say is that it is a confusing issue - so many things can come in dreams and are mixed up - 

But the good part is that dreams - as horrible as they are - can't hurt us - the bottom line is that they are important as they sort out our thinking - and you are going through this is your real life

There isn't anything your abusers can do to you in real life but they are destroying you because you are giving them the power - your life is a shipwreak because of the abuse you experienced as a child - and that is set in concrete and nothing can change it

I have said it before and I will say it again - you have to accept the past and get past it - accepting it doesn't mean it didn't happen - it did - it doesn't mean it isn't terrible - it is

They won't apologize but while you give them this power to make your life hell they don't need to - they are winning - and even if they did - would that change anything?

It's really hard BlueBay but to get rid of all the pain you really need to accept it and let it go and your therapist is the best persons to help you with all of this - I don't know what else there is to say

Take back the power for yourself - sweetheart - they don't care and never will. They have never been charged and you have made the decision not to so why should they care? 

All you can do is get past it with your therapist - you can't forget it and I am not saying to forgive them - you are not ready for that - but you can accept it

You did nothing to deserve what happened - I have been reading a bit on the subject - for some reason children who are abused blamed themselves - but they don't deserve blame - even from themselves

Thinking of you

Dec

[Razzle]

@Owlunar   I did seek legal advice the last time they looked like breaking up, both as a grand parent and advice for our son (neither he or his partner know about it). I do have rights, but it’s a long process and I’m not sure right at this moment that it would be worth it.  I’m so angry and hurt that I don’t want anything to do with any of them.  

I feel like I have to cut all ties and hope as the baby gets older she will come looking and I’ll establish a relationship then.  I’m not going to be dictated to and threatened by an 18yo immature child that my sons partner has proved herself to be.  And clearly my son doesn’t care much for me either so I’m no longer going to beat my head against a brick wall when it comes to him.  One day he’ll realise what he’s done and maybe try to reconnect in the future, but while he’s mixed up with that family I have to step out of his life for a while too.

My husband didn’t leave me, I left him.  He has no idea the damage he has done - or he does and is ignoring it, expecting me to just suck it up and move on like I always do, but this time it’s too serious, I can’t just cop it this time.

I just feel so betrayed by all of them.  Every time something goes wrong in their relationship I’m the one who cops the barrage of nasty texts, I’m always the fall guy and I’m done with it, I really don’t care what happens to them now.

I have moved in with mum as her full time Carer (about 5 weeks ago).  She has no idea what’s going on.  She has dementia so I’m not telling her much as she will only get upset, and then forget what I said 5 minutes later anyway.  She realises my husband hasn’t been staying here since last week, and asks where he is, I just tell her he’s working or busy so is staying on the farm for a while.

I don’t want to give up my grand daughter and it kills me that she’s used as a weapon and that I’ll miss all her little milestones but there’s no other option right now.  I have to sever ties before it destroys me mentally - and that’s getting close.

[Owlunar]

Hi @Razzle 

I support you with all those choices - I would do the same - your gd dosesn't know you now and you will miss her milestones - but I went and found my grandmother and my daughter went and found her grandmother  (my mother) - my long-term guess is that the child will be curious about the grandmother she hasn't met during a time she could appreciate

So I would let it go too - sad - I know - but from what you write that family is into power trips and your son is caught up in the drama - and you have your mental health to consider - you sound so whipped out right now - I wish I could gather you up and hold you still for a while - I have broad shoulders, I'm a bereaved mother too, I had to find my grandparents and my mother had her multiple grudges so I saved my own mental health keeping away so I get it - I made my husband leave and he didn't understand what I was about - I had been tellling him for years. identify with you Raz

Just keep writing here - I find it helps - I am feeling kind of flat at the end of this winter and I read back through my thread and there were things I certainly remember having written them down and then read them - it has been tough weather and I have had stuff happening along the waF

All the best - I think you are doing the right things to care for yourself

Dec

[Razzle]

@Owlunar   I’m hearing you.  I’ve been beaten down for so long that I haven’t got the fight in me any more.  And I’d give anything to take that hug right now, I’m in a very lonely world at the

moment.  My mum is here, but in a way she isn’t either.  This past week I have really missed my dad, I wish he was still here.  I could always rely on him no matter what, at least I’d feel like there was someone in my corner.

Im so tired tonight, I don’t feel like I’ve slept for weeks and weeks.  Mum gets up a few times during the night to go to the toilet and gets a little lost getting back to bed so I’m up and down with her through the night as well.  I don’t handle winter very well, and my mums house is very cold - especially the bedroom end of the house, so that kind of drags my mood down too.

I feel all jumbled up at the moment, with everything that’s happening and I’m not in my own home - I don’t feel like I belong anywhere anymore.

I think I might take something to help me sleep tonight, I really need some sleep.

[BlueBay]

Hi @Owlunar  I’m now over my nightmare. 

I think I need to work through letting go or just let it be about my abuse. 

I went for a walk tiday. But I didn’t feel any better. My dietitian was asking me thst too the other day. He was wondering why I didn’t feel good about walking. We’re working through this together. 

My negative mind is bad again. I want to not eat at the moment. I need to lose weight before I go away in October. 

Its like I’m desperate now yo lose this huge amount of weight. 

I have so much going on in my head at the moment. 

And seeing my mil on Sunday was terrible. She looked like death. 

Hi @Razzle @Flying_Hams @saturnzoon @Faith-and-Hope @Zoe7 @Shaz51 @Gazza75 

[BlueBay]

Apparently my kitchen and pantry is “disorganised “

WTF

im never arranging the pantry or fridge again 

whatever I do is wrong bad or disorganised 😡😡

[Faith-and-Hope]

I get called disorganised and messy @BlueBay, and I am the most organised person in the house ....

Have you tried going, “well

that’s just wrong .....I am not going to listen to that” to yourself when something like that is said ?  I have found it one way to live with judgements and criticism.  Consider it invalid, and try not to give it any more of your headspace Hon.  Find something you would rather be doing that boiling over something that shouldn’t have been said, because the “sayer” didn’t make the effort to organise the pantry, did they ?  That means they have no right to criticise the person who did !